What a flamin’ cheek!

What a flamin’ cheek!! Honestly, sometimes woofs fail me! It won’t come as any great surprise to my loyal followers (apparently that’s a thing nowadays, you don’t have fans you have followers!) that it was him! There we were having a lovely walk, I had just produced a spectacular two bagger, and we bumped into my friend Barney (he’s a Cockerpoo and very cute, even coming from me!) and his human. They started chatting whilst Barney and I had a good sniff of each other’s bottoms and then I heard it … he said that I was naughty! Oh, but it didn’t stop there! He went on to start groaning on about me bringing stones into the house and chewing them, stealing the bath mat, stealing clothes, trying to steal food, always being under his feet and then he called me a great big sitting machine!! (I think that’s what he said, he seemed to develop a bit of a lisp on the word ‘sitting’!) To be honest, I wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that last remark because I don’t often sit down, I tend to lay on the ground, but whatever it meant it certainly wasn’t intended as a compliment! If this carries on I am going to have to report him to the Canine Reporting Association for Pooches (CRAP for short), they will take a very dim view of the way in which he talks about me. I deserve more respect than that!

There’s been quite a lot going on recently. I knew something was up, I have never seen the house looking as tidy as it has been! They’ve been cleaning, tidying, decluttering and generally making the house look as good as it can be. Most of my toys have been tidied away which I am not too happy about but I’ve made up for it with bath mats and clothes (Hmm, thinks. Didn’t he mention something about that when he was talking to Barney’s human? Nah, must be a coincidence!) Anyway, it turns out that we’re thinking of moving house. I’m not really sure that I understand what that means but it seems to involve a lot of tidying up and lots of trips out in the car thingy. I don’t mind the car thingy nowadays but we do seem to have been going out in it quite a bit. We’ve been to lots of new places that I haven’t visited before, so that’s been quite interesting. They still haven’t quite got the message that when we go somewhere new there is a very urgent need to explore as quickly as possible and that means that I have to drag them around so that we get to see everything. I think the worst trip was when we drove for 2½ hours to somewhere (I have no idea where!) and then we were only there for half an hour before we got in the car and drove home again!

Apart from the house hunting, we have done some other things. We went down to The Green in the village for the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee celebrations. Nana and Grandad came with us and we were due to have a picnic in the late afternoon. There was a photo taken with all the people making the number 70 which was really good but sadly I wasn’t there for that. Shortly before the photo was taken they took me home and got the car thingy. It was getting very cold on The Green and Grandad was getting cold, so they decided to take the car thingy down so that he could come back in it. They stayed for the photo but when it started to rain they came home. I had only been at home for about half an hour … hardly time to go and look for something to steal!! I’m not in the photo but there were some doggies (including my friend Barney) in the photo. When they got home they had the picnic on the dining table. It turned out that he had cooked far too much food and that worked out quite well for me. I got to try some of it (after they had eaten, of course) and, the bits that he hadn’t ruined like the chorizo and cheese and even some of the chicken drumsticks (or at least the meat from them) were pretty tasty. Obviously he had ruined most of it making chicken satay and coronation chicken pasties and goodness knows what else but I’ll try and list it in a minute. There was enough food there to feed half the village!

Spanish Tortilla, Mozzarella, Basil and Parma Ham Kebabs, Piccalilli Potato Salad, Coconut and Lime Chicken Drumsticks, Chicken Satay with Satay Sauce, Cheese and Bacon Turnovers, Coronation Chicken Pasties, Thyme and Caramelised Onion Sausage Rolls, Chorizo and Manchego Kebabs and finally PIMS Jellies with Panna Cotta Topping. Who on earth did he think he was feeding?! During the course of the afternoon, I had gone for a little walk with Nana, Daddy Richard and him. We went out from The Green into Ivy Mill Lane and then through Ivy Mill Close and Bell Meadown and back onto The Green. We had to go that way because there were too many people with balls on The Green and they thought I would cause chaos by stealing them. I don’t call it chaos, I call it contributing to the game! Anyway, nature called in Ivy Mill Lane and I produced a stunning two bagger! He says that people living in Ivy Mill Lane should be able to open their windows again by about the beginning of July! Honestly, he is so rude about me. I’ve just been laying on the floor in his study and I did a very small bottom burp – he’s opened the windows and left the room! It wasn’t that bad … although I might go and lay down in the hall for a little while.

We did have a visit the other evening from Auntie Lesley. I haven’t seen her in ages and ages and ages! It was lovely to see her and I got to spend some quality time with her. I took her loads of stones from the garden! I think she appreciated that. I showed her how I can wail as well as bark and I took her some of my toys that are still around. It probably won’t come as any great surprise that he forgot to take a photo of me with Auntie Lesley!! Mind you, with the amount of electric soup that him and Daddy Richard got down their necks, I’m surprised they could even talk! They sat in the garden all evening because the weather has been so warm recently. Actually, the back end of last week was a bit too warm really. In fact, it was hot. We went for a walk in the morning before it got too warm but then couldn’t go out for another walk until the evening because it was too hot during the day. Quite honestly, I didn’t mind not going out during the day because it was so flamin’ hot and with my coat, it makes me pretty lethargic. We did have a couple of showers overnight which meant that there was so much to sniff in the morning! I love it after it rains, there are so many things that smell differently, or even only smell when it has rained, that make life much more interesting!!

Yesterday was father’s day. I didn’t bother to get anything for them but we all went to Nana and Grandad’s for lunch which was nice. I kept getting told off though. Apparently trampling on the garden, crushing the vegetables that are growing and the flowers in the beds is not the done thing! I had a great time though. I also popped outside and had a jolly good bark. That was fun because it started all the dogs in the neighbourhood barking! It was like a choir of dogs! Actually, talking of father’s day, there was a thing on the tellybox yesterday morning where they were asking for Dad jokes. I don’t know who my actual Dad would be, I’m adopted after all. But I did have a quick look on the Interweb and I found a joke that I reckon could be a ‘Dad joke’ … What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle! Clearly written by a human. Any self respecting dog would know that it rains Aunts and Uncles, not cats and dogs! Anyway, why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted!!! I do seem to be suffering with a little wind this morning. I’ve just done another bottom burp. It is rather pungent, so with that, must paws … 🐾