That flamin’ sling is a right pain in the whatnots (not that I’ve got any whatnots … the Dog’s Trust saw to that!). I mean, how is a dog supposed to go about his business with any dognity? I mean, it’s bad enough walking round with a shaved bum, but the flamin’ sling too makes …

Now, I am not one to complain, I generally leave that up to him and he’s a world expert at it but … who on earth was it that thought stickin’ a flamin’ lampshade on me head was a good idea? Let me be absolutely clear about this … I don’t like lampshades! Not only are they …

Now forgive me if I’m a bit woozy but I’m all drugged up. The good news is that I’m home from the hospickle, the bad news is that I am definitely not feeling myself! My personal surgeon, Bonito de la Puerta, is very pleased with my progress. Good for him!! I am not going to …

Well, I’ve been done … well and truly done!! The first thing I should say is that I am dictating my update to him from my hospickle bed. Not only am I am a little indisposed at the moment, but I am also in a little bit of discomfort. Let me try and start from where …

As my regular fans will know, I am not one to complain … I generally leave that up to him! (And he’s a flamin’ expert at it!) But I’m not stupid, you know. Something’s up! Let me present the evidence here – firstly, last Wednesday we went to see my personal surgeon, Bonito de la Puerta, …

Come fly with me, let’s fly, let’s fly away! Well they might be the words from a famous song in the human world, but I can assure you that I heard nothing of the sort when he left me yet again to go off on one of his jaunts. Athens Tuesday and Wednesday, Vienna on Thursday …