What a busy time I’ve had

Oh my woof, it has been a bit of a busy week. Firstly, my regular fans will know that the decorators are finally in. The house is beginning to resemble an actual house again. There is paint on the walls and the house stinks of oil based paint, so I think that’s all good. Actually I didn’t really understand this decorating thing so I did Doogle having the decorators in but I got some very strange results, so decided not to bother anymore with that search! I think I may have mentioned when I last put paw to keyboard that he was going out in the evening so my friends Zena and Jake were coming down. It was lovely to see them. Whenever I see Zena I always get my lipstick out … but apparently that isn’t good. I am confused! I saw on advert on that funny box thing that they stare at sometimes, instead of admiring my good looks and charm, and it definitely said that lipstick was a good thing. For some reason when I get my lipstick out it is a bad thing – I don’t think I’ll ever understand humans! Anyway, I was very pleased to see luvely Zena and I had a lovely evening with her.

Now Jake is a different issue. I definitely love Jake and I love it when he comes to play with me. He doesn’t half wind me up! It is great fun though and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I had such a lovely time playing with Jake and getting lots of loving from Zena, I forgot all about him and Richard for a while. When they eventually got back (it was quite late) I was a bit pleased to see them, but I sure as heck wasn’t going to show them! I nonchalantly wandered up, gave them a quick sniff and then went and sat down again. I’m not having them think they can go out whenever they like and come back at all hours! This is my house and they’ll jolly well follow my rules! (I got that last bit from a website that had things that Dads say. Good isn’t it?!) By the time they got home Jake had gone (although only a few minutes earlier) and Simon had come to keep Zena company. They all had a quick chat – presumably about how wonderful I am and my good looks and charm, but I wasn’t really listening and then Zena and Simon went home. All in all, a good night!

To be perfectly honest, not a lot went on during the week. I continued to take him out for short walks. We are only allowed a 5-10 minute walk so it is Salisbury Road, Dewlands, Court Road and back up the High Street for now. I don’t get to go anywhere else which is a bit (no a lot!) frustrating, but I don’t fancy having another operation so I’m really trying to be good … most of the time. Fortunately, there are a huge number of messages that I missed when I wasn’t out walking, so there is a lot to take in. Even though I am covering the same route three times a day, I always find something new to sniff. There are lots of fallen apples around at the moment too. Every time we go out I try to get an apple but he always spoils my fun and doesn’t let me. He claims that the seeds of apples contain cyanide and that cyanide is poisonous. I did manage to get a rotten apple on one walk last week … you should’ve seen him trying to get it out of my firmly shut jaw! It was hilarious. Particularly when I eventually let him get it and his fingers sunk into a rotten stinking apple – it was actually worth letting go for!

He spent quite a bit of Friday doing that cooking thing he does. He made some excuse about meat that was going out of date and needed cooking or something. I think he just wanted to play in his kitchen. Mind you, he also claimed that the decorator needed me out of the way so that he could work on the woodwork, but he makes all sorts of excuses! Anyway, I found a pretty perfect spot to lay down and push out some ????s – it was great because he had to walk all around the kitchen every time he moved between the butcher’s block and the cooker! I was doing my bit to encourage him to get some exercise. On another subject, have you noticed that every flamin’ photo he has taken of me shows my shaved bum? Has he no respect? What about my dognity? I’m going to have to have a woof with him and put him right on how to photograph me for maximum handsomeness!

On Saturday morning I had a lovely surprise. My friend Sue came to visit me and brought Hayley (she’s nice) and Kiera (she’s luvely) to see me! It was fantabulous! It was really great playing with Keira – she completely understood how to push my buttons! Apparently they live in Sheffield. I had a look at where Sheffield is on Doogle Maps – it’s blinkin’ miles away … even further than Reigate (I went there a couple of times before my operation!). I mean, it’s a proper long way away! He says they speak funny up north and all the dogs are whippets but I don’t think he really knows. I’ve Doogled ‘up north’ and there is no mention of whippets or talking funny! I may have mentioned this before, but he’s not all that bright … got the IQ of a box of bones and a brain to match, if you get my gist. He wouldn’t no his north from his south, if you ask me! Anyway, I don’t care what the truth of the situation is, I loved meeting Kiera and Hayley and I had a lovely time with them. I must say Saturday was a good day. Not only did I have a fantabulous visit from Kiera and Hayley, but we had some really nice walks too. Still only the short circuit through Dewlands but I was very well behaved and it was lovely walking around. They (Richard and him) had a good afternoon of sorting things out in the house saying that they were finally getting things sorted out and I had some lovely dreams in between my walks. Saturday evening was an evening in watching that box thing. I have done a bit of Doogling and I did find one description of it as being an ‘idiot box’ which I think suits him quite well!

On Sunday morning we went out in the car. I have to say that this was a bit unusual in current times but we did. We ended up at Priory Park in Reigate where it turned out there was an event going on called the ‘Halloween Howl’. It turns out that it was a walk round the park – either 3 kilometres or 5 kilometres – and then a dog show. Now … in view of my current predicament I wasn’t able to go on the walk so we timed our arrival just as the walk would have finished. Well, imagine my surprise when I turned around and right there behind me was my personal trainer, Amanda from Happy Buddies! Even though she was dressed as a witch which was strange. I dropped straight onto my back ready for a tummy rub and decided not to behave too well so that she would think I need a lot more training and come and see me again soon. I’m not sure that it worked, but it was worth a try! He bought a toy from her stall which he then put around his neck because I kept trying to jump up and grab it – I’m still not allowed to jump up, although I do forget this little thing quite often! We stayed and watched the first couple of classes in the dog show but I got a bit tired, so we went home. Actually, the second class in the show was for the most handsome dog … obviously I would have won if I had entered but with my shaved bum and the fact that I can’t really be out too long I decided against it on this occasion. There’ll be one in the future and I’ll win that!

On Sunday evening we went to see Bren and Mrs Cheese. They were all going to have dinner but before they did Mrs Cheese had made me my own bib and a special dinner of turkey, gammon and beef. It was all very lovely and I wolfed the meat down in about 2 seconds flat! This turned out to be good … and bad. It was good because I thoroughly enjoyed my meaty feast and it was a bit of fun wearing my bib. It was bad because every time anyone went through the door towards the kitchen, I thought I was going to get more meat and I barked and barked. That didn’t go down very well. Eventually Richard took me for a short walk but decided that I wasn’t going to calm down so we went home. He came back not long afterwards and I got the impression I was a bit in the dog house, if you get what I mean. I’ve had a Doogle on this matter and discovered that it is very much a human saying. I can’t quite find its origin but I think it has something to do with the olden days when dogs had their own house (called a kennel) outside. If they were naughty (which I can’t believe they were!) then they were put outside and the only place they had to go was the dog house to sleep. Anyway, whatever its origin, I don’t think I was all that popular on that particular evening. Mind you, we went to bed on Sunday evening and by the time we got up on Monday morning, it had pretty much been forgotten. Monday was a relatively quiet day, although I did have a visit from Jake and Zena which was pretty special! I got to spend some quality time with them again, even though he was there!

Today it is Tuesday and this morning I went to visit my personal surgeon, Bonito de la Puerta. He was actually very pleased with my progress and said that he wants me to continue as I am. That isn’t all that good news for me because it means I am still restricted to short walks of 5-10 minutes and I can’t jump up, run or anything like that. I am getting a bit frustrated, but I have found new things to amuse me. I have found a new game that involves taking any piece of paper I can get my paws on and ripping it into as many pieces as possible. This didn’t go down all that well when I found some important (well they weren’t to me!) papers in his study and shredded them. I wasn’t over popular when I ripped the inside out of a pair of Richard’s shoes either, but what is a dog supposed to do? I was bored! Tonight is halloween too. I am not entirely sure what that means, but I have sent him out to see if he can get a photo of the pumpkins that people are putting on their doorsteps and sticking candles in. Honestly, humans! They have some funny ideas! I may Doogle a bit to find out about halloween, but frankly I’ve had enough for now so, for now, must paws … ????