There may be trouble ahead …

As my regular fans will know, I am not one to complain … I generally leave that up to him! (And he’s a flamin’ expert at it!) But I’m not stupid, you know. Something’s up! Let me present the evidence here – firstly, last Wednesday we went to see my personal surgeon, Bonito de la Puerta, for a checkup. This, in itself, is not unusual … I have had regular checkups ever since I had my new hip last year but, unusually, they left me there for a few hours and, whilst I was there the lovely nurse gave me something that made me have a lovely deep sleep but when I woke up I did feel a bit groggy for a couple of hours. Secondly, a large roll of cheap exhibition carpet has arrived. Thirdly, there was a hastily arranged trip to France. Now, don’t get me wrong … I like going on me ‘olidays, but what’s this all about? The last time we did a hasty visit to France and I saw a roll of exhibition carpet like that was when I had my hip done … Oh dear!!! I think I’ve sussed it. I knew my operation for the other hip was looming … I think it may have loomed! I’ve just had a woof with Daddy Richard and it has. I’m going into the hospickle on Monday evening so that I can settle in ready for my operation on Tuesday. I don’t want another operation!!!!!!! I know it’s for the best, but it means another 3 months of hell and, after all, it’s me that is getting my leg chopped about!!!!

So that explains the hastily arranged trip to France! I mean, I know they meant well … I would get a bit of a run around and I would get to see Charlie, but it doesn’t alter the fact that I’m going to get my leg chopped about! So, on Thursday morning we had a hastily arranged appointment with my personal doggy doctor, Michael, so that I could get a worming tablet. Now usually I don’t mind swallowing the tablets (I’ll eat anything edible and sometimes things that aren’t!) but I knew something was up and I hadn’t worked it all out by that time. I ate the first tablet and then remembered that every time I have had one of those it has involved a long trip in the car thingy, so I decided not to eat the second one. Every time he put it in my mouth I spat it out. It was actually turning into quite a good game … he would put it in my mouth, I would pretend to swallow it and then, just as he thought he had won, I would spit it out again! Having watched this happen several times, my personal doggy doctor, Michael, rather unceremoniously pulled my mouth open and stuffed the flamin’ tablet straight down my throat … game over! On our way out we bumped into Auntie Vicky her lovely little friend, Maisy, who were visiting my personal doggy doctor too. Auntie Vicky used to live next door to them but she moved away and they haven’t seen her for a while. Sadly, Uncle Mel passed away, so there is just Auntie Vicky to look after Maisy now. I think Uncle Mel was a bit of a character from what I’ve heard, so it’s a shame Maisy hasn’t got him anymore! I think they enjoyed catching up and I rather liked Maisy, although I wasn’t really allowed to play with her because she was feeling a little delicate!

On Thursday we all went off to my wimming session as usual, but I noticed the car thingy was more loaded up than usual. I had a lovely wimming session with my personal therapists, Emily, Katie and Stef and then we were back in the car thingy. (I think they might have known something about my hip too because they posted a lovely message on Facebook – the rather inferior human version of PoochTome – wishing me luck next week!) We didn’t go home though, we went straight from my wimming session to the Channel Tunnel! We didn’t even stop once! I’ve been through the Channel Tunnel a few times now, so I’m quite used to it and I really don’t mind it at all. Even the car thingy didn’t bother me this time. So, having arrived at the tunnel, we got our crossing a bit earlier than the one he had booked – I don’t like to complain, but he’s getting to be a bit of a cheap skate! We had none of our usual ‘Flexi Plus’ treatment where we are waved straight through and go to the front of the queue, oh no, just a standard crossing! Not only that, but he had booked a crossing after 4pm because it was cheaper than a crossing before that! Fortunately, we were offered an earlier crossing at no extra charge, so it all worked out rather well. It won’t come as any surprise to those that know him that he was moaning about the cost of travelling with me … an extra £38 for the crossings, £68 for the worming tablets and he couldn’t even put anything in the boot!!! Honestly, the things I have to put with!!!

It transpired that we were going to a place called Le Crotoy where Daddy Richard had rented a ‘gite’. The gite was OK, but it was very small and the stairs were really steep! When I went upstairs for a look around, I realised just how steep they were when I tried to walk back down them … I nearly went base over apex if you get my gist! Anyway, it was only a short walk into town, so that was good and many of the restaurants are doggy friendly (and so they should be!) so that’s good too. That said, Daddy Richard made the dinner on Thursday evening … I think he needs a bit more practice at this cooking lark too because they both agreed it wasn’t his best! On Friday morning we had a leisurely walk into town to visit the weekly market. It was quite busy but there was loads to sniff and look at. There were quite a few things to eat too, but I wasn’t allowed anywhere near them as usual! It turned out it was all about socks! Socks, socks, socks, that’s all he thinks about!!! Apparently, you can buy really good socks in the market in France and they are very cheap. He had been moaning recently that some of his socks had holes in them – hardly a great surprise, they were over 10 years old!!! I have to say, I rather like Le Crotoy (pronounced Le Crot-wah for anyone who’s interested!), people are very friendly and seem very happy to see a ‘Golden’ (according to Daddy Richard the French can’t say ‘Retriever’ so they always refer to me as a ‘Golden’!). It is very pretty too, so I think I’d like to spend a bit more time there in the future.

After we had been to the market (Le Marché) we went to a place called ‘Rue’. The purpose of this visit turned out to be to go to shop called ‘Aldi’ (we have those in England, they really need to get out more!) and another one called Texti which sells cheap clothes (I told you he’s becoming a bit of a cheap skate!). Now I think I may have mentioned this before, but he’s not very smart … about as smart as Turkey who puts volunteers to be first for Christmas, if you get my gist! Well, Aldi in Rue has closed down and Texti was shut for lunch! Rather than return to our gite to push out a few ????s, they decided that we should all go to Abbeville to the Aldi there. When we got there it turned out that I wasn’t allowed in, so I had to stay outside with Daddy Richard whilst he went into the shop. He returned a short while later with a load of wine and not much else and then Daddy Richard went into the shop and he was gone ages before he came out with a bag full of shampoo and washing liquid! They are very strange sometimes! When we finally left Abbeville and made our way back towards Le Crotoy, they decided to stop for a walk half way around the bay that links St Valery and Le Crotoy (according to Fidopedia this is called the ‘Bay of the Somme’ which I think is something important because some bloke called William the Conquerer, or Guillaume le Conquérant according to my Doggy/Human(French) dictionary, set sail for England from there). We did have a short walk but it wasn’t ideal because I couldn’t run around off lead as we all had hoped and when I had a little roll around on the ground I got very rudely interrupted when he discovered that I was rolling over a dead kingfisher!

Having had a rather unsatisfactory walk we returned to our gite so that they could have some lunch and I could chew on my bone (he had bought one specially for me when we left home … sometimes he can actually be quite nice!). After lunch we went back to Rue so that he could go to Texti. Daddy Richard and I went to explore what looked like it might be a bit of a park but it wasn’t really very big and there wasn’t really anywhere for me to run. He returned after a remarkably short amount of time having made only a minor purchase and we all got in the car thingy. They decided to look on the Sat Nag to see where there might be a park that we could go to. It just kept listing beaches which was no good because every beach we have ever seen has a sign saying ‘no dogs’ (‘Chien Interdit’ actually, but I looked up the translation on Doogle) until they eventually found an entry listing some ‘Etangs’, which Daddy Richard said were lakes. They decided we would go there but he confused himself by saying that as it was only 17 kilometres it was only about 10 miles – it turns out that it was being displayed in miles, so we ended up driving 17 miles to Rang du Flier to visit the ‘Etangs’. So, after half an hour’s drive, we got there only to find that the road was closed and we couldn’t get to them!

We drove all the way back to our gite and, just as we were turning into our road, he saw a sign to a fishing lake. They decided it might be worth a look and so we drove there … it was only just down the road! When we got to the entrance to the lake there was a sign saying that dogs must be on a lead so we decided that wasn’t the right place to go either. There were sand dunes on the side of the road so they decided we should see what was on the other side. There were miles and miles of sandy salt flats where quite a few people were walking with dogs, so we went off to explore. I had a wonderful time running around and splashing in the water!!! I don’t know why they bothered with all those other places when this was right on our doorstep!!!! We spent ages there and I ran around like the fastest dog in dogdom until my legs got really tired and I had to stop. Eventually, we got back in the car thingy and drove the 5 minute journey back to our gite. Now I know he’s not known for his intelligence but I would have expected better from Daddy Richard!!! In the evening we all went out so that they could get something to eat. We went to a restaurant called the ‘Petit Ridin’ where they both had mussels and chips (moules marinières in our actual French!) which they reckoned were some of the best they had ever had! I have told him that, if they were that good, he should write a review on Trip Advisor but has he? Of course not!!!

On Saturday morning we got up and went for a walk. Then we had some breakfast and I went out in the garden of our gite whilst they started cleaning the gite. Apparently we were leaving! Just before we did some French bloke came along and was moaning at Daddy Richard about my barking. It is true that I did quite a lot of barking – the doors to the gite were like patio doors (or French windows!!!) and every time someone went past I did find myself barking at them – but it was hardly fair to suggest that I was any worse than any of the other dogs in the area who also barked quite loudly! They think that because I can’t see people passing at home, that is the reason that I don’t bark so often – I think I was on me ‘olidays and if I wanted to bark, I was going to bark! Anyway, since we were leaving I didn’t see any reason to worry about it. The nice lady came along and collected the keys and gave Daddy Richard back the deposit they had paid and we left. We were in the car thingy but we didn’t go to the motorway which was how we arrived, we drove off through Rue and then onto Crecy en Ponthieu before dropping down through Dompierre to Tortefontaine. As soon as we arrived I knew where we were – we were at Charlie’s house!!! Charlie’s Mum and Dad weren’t there but his Auntie Linda was! We had a lovely time and Charlie and I were able to play in the garden because the weather was nice too!

Having had a lovely time with Charlie, we left Tortefontaine (I wanted to go to our old house but I had to get in the car thingy instead because apparently it isn’t our house anymore!) and went to Hesdin. When they had discovered that Aldi had closed down in Rue he had nearly suggested waiting until they went to Hesdin to go to Aldi there – it was a jolly good they didn’t, they have pulled that one down too! (Unlike the one in Rue, it is being rebuilt and will open again at the end of November!) They went into the main town of Hesdin and went to a restaurant called Manhattan which they used to go to when they had the house in Tortefontaine. It transpires that it has changed hands and since all he wanted was an omelette, he was a bit disappointed when they said they didn’t do omelettes anymore! Daddy Richard ordered a ‘Parmentier’ which is like a posh Shepherd’s Pie with pieces of lamb rather than minced lamb and, after more moaning, he ordered a prawn risotto that he neither wanted nor was looking forward to. The waitress then came out and said that the Parmentier would take at least 45 minutes to cook so could Daddy Richard (she didn’t know his name was Daddy Richard!) order something else. Then someone else came out and told the waitress that the Parmentier was already in the oven and it was too late to change it. It all seemed a bit disorganised and didn’t help with his mood! When the food arrived (after only a few minutes!) he took one forkful of the risotto and decided it was one of the best risottos he had ever eaten! Daddy Richard thought his Parmentier was excellent too, so all in all it worked out OK. Another review on Trip Advisor that he’ll fail to write!

Finally, after lunch, he went off in the car thingy to Carrefour and I walked there with Daddy Richard. Goodness knows what the lady on the checkout must have thought – he came out with 6 bottles of Prosecco, two bottles of scotch and eight jars of mustard!! (Moutarde de Bourgogne is apparently en essential in our house, as is Dijon Forte.) Shopping finally finished we got back in the car thingy and made our way back to Calais and to the Channel Tunnel. As we drove northwards the weather began to change – we had sat outside the restaurant in Hesdin basking in warm sunshine at about 21 degrees – gradually the temperature started dropping and we started to see spots of rain. By the time we had checked in at the pet centre in Calais it was positively chilly! We got an early crossing on the train again and were back in England in no time. As soon as we arrived in Folkestone it was obvious that it was raining. It rained all the way home and it took forever to get down the M20 because virtually the whole length of it was roadworks and had a maximum speed limit of 50mph! Even I know that’s slow for a motorway and I am a dog!!! By the time we got home, they had unloaded the car and I had taken them for a walk (in the rain!), time was getting on. One of the things that he had bought in Aldi was some Corbières wine, so they decided to have a glass. It was only €2.25 a bottle and, according to them both, … it drinks like a wine that only cost €2.25!! If anyone locally sees a bottle of Corbières wine in a raffle – steer well clear!!!! And so, with that, I have to go and pack my case for tomorrow so, for now (and whilst I still have all four!), must paws … ????