Honestly, I don’t like to complain, but really it is all getting a bit too much! Ever since I met Martin the Monty Trainer (Positive Plus Dog Training) it’s been “Sit Monty” and “Down Monty” for just about everything. Sit to go out, sit to come in, down to get a treat, sit to get out of the car thingy … it seems they’re taking control of everything! Anyway, more on that later. My regular fans may recall that in my last Glog they were being a bit too nice to me. I suspected someting was up but, since it was my birthday, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. It turns out I shouldn’t have done. Despite it being my birthday, in the early afternoon we all got in the car thingy and off we went. We ended up at my country retreat where I took up residence in my executive suite. It isn’t that I mind this at all but I would have like a bit of warning. It transpired that they were off to a place called India. I’ve done a bit of Doogling and it turns out to be about 4,500 miles away which is definitely further than Reigate Hill! Apparently there are about 30 million wild dogs in India – which is quite a few but there won’t be any as good looking and handsome as me … obviously! I wasn’t really listening (why would I?) but I think that he was speaking at some sort of conference – why anybody would want to listen to him is completely beyond me! Do, there I was, left to my own devices for nine days. I had lots of lovely walks … well, when I say walk I really mean that I had to tow my carers around the fields at my country retreat! I had a really good time but I did get a little bit dirty … well, actually, quite a lot dirty!
When they eventually turned up after 9 days, I was ready to go home. I was quite excited to see them … until I realised that this was playing right into their hands so I cooled off considerably. They claimed to be quite tired because they had been flying all night (although I did hear on the pooch line that they actually had pretty decent beds to sleep in!) so I insisted on a walk around the village. After all, I hadn’t done that for 9 days and I hadn’t even seen people like Auntie Angela or some of my friends that I meet when we’re out. It won’t come as any surprise to my regular fans to hear that all he did was moan about how dirty I was and keep threatening me with a bath! I mean, I do admit I was quite dirty and very matted on my underside but I had been running around in fields for over a week! I dragged them around the village with a renewed vigour and thoroughly enjoyed it. When they stopped off at the village store to get some bread, I waited outside with him and reminded him that I am the handsomest dog in the whole wide world and that it is impossible not to love me! The shop is owned by someone called Ganesh which is interesting because Lord Ganesh Chaturthi is a Hindu god known as the patron god of travelling which seems a bit appropriate keeping in mind that they had just been travelling! He is quite interesting in looks because he has an elephant’s head on a human body and is said to be the son of Lord Siva and the Godess Parvati. He is known as the Remover of Obstacles and is prayed to particularly when people are beginning a new enterprise or starting a new business. Anyway, enough of this cultural stuff, what about me!
I knew something was up when he started talking about ‘training’. I mean, it isn’t that I need training … I am perfectly capable of dragging them around the village, jumping up when I feel like it, barking for the sake of barking, chewing sticks when I shouldn’t (Oops, I think I was supposed to be cutting down on sticks!) or folling over when I feel like it. What do I need training for? Mind you, even before that, I ended up getting the flamin’ bath that they had threatened. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t actually mind the bath and I love it when Auntie Lauren comes to see me but the thought of it … ooh, it just doesn’t seem right! Auntie Lauren arrived and I ran off in the other direction. When he put my lead on I knew I wasn’t going to get out of it. We walked out to Auntie Lauren’s van (her business is called Wag ‘N’ Wheels and she comes to your house to groom you!) and then I remembered how much I like it when I get a bath with Auntie Lauren so I jumped straight into the van and asked her to shut the door on him. I don’t want anyone watching whilst I get my bits washed!
I had a lovely bath but, obviously, as soon as I could I had a jolly good roll around in the grass. I found a brilliant stick because it was utterly disgusting and they wouldn’t go anywhere near it! We always take the same walk around the village out of the gate, along Salisbury Road, into Oxted Road, up past Flower Farm, into Church Lane along and down Bay Pond Path before walking back up the High Street and home again. They say that it is because I don’t pull quite as much as I do when we go somewhere new. I suppose they may have a point. That said, he tried to teach me not to pull as much by giving me treats when I didn’t pull. Honestly, he isn’t very bright … about as bright a as a broken light bulb, if you get my gist! I soon became wise to his game and so I developed a new game … as soon as we turned into Oxted Road and crossed to the other side, I would refuse to walk until he gave me a treat. There’s no flies on me!!
And so, we ended up on Saturday meeting Martin the Monty Trainer! Apparently, I am not supposed to just do what I want. I am not supposed to pull like a freight train, I am not supposed to have toys strewn everywhere and worse … I am supposed to ‘earn’ treats and even ‘earn’ being allowed out or inside. I’m not kidding, since we met Martin the Monty Trainer I have not been allowed to pull, not even slightly! We haven’t been out for proper walks but we’ve been out in the car thingy and then had training sessions where we’ve walked up and down and I’ve got treats when the lead has been completely loose but we’ve changed direction when I tried to pull. I’ve had to sit to put my lead on, sit to go through the door, sit to get out of the car, it’s a right pain the perverbial bottom! I’m guessing I’m just going to have to go along with it though – I do get treats and it isn’t that bad I suppose! So, there you go, more flamin’ training – apparently this is called ‘obedience training’. They’ve signed up for a whole flamin’ course, so that’s me stuffed! Oh well, I guess it’ll be OK in the end. Right now, it’s pouring with rain and I need to get back in the car thingy for some more training so, for now, must paws … ?
