Phew … I’m two!

Well would you Aunt and Uncle it, I’ve made it! You see, today is my birthday and I’m two!!! It has been a bit of a year really, what with one thing and another. You see, when I was one I was living at the Dog’s Trust. They were very nice but it was never going to be my forever home. Then it all changed! It wasn’t long after my first birthday really. It was the 4th March when I met them … Daddy Richard and him. Oh, if only I had known then what I know now! I was staying with a lovely family in a place called Dover. They were very nice, but they were only looking after me temporarily. Then, on the Saturday morning of the 4th March I was picked up and taken to the Dog’s Trust in Canterbury to meet them. Oh, they seemed all right to begin with. I went over and put my head in his lap and he even seemed quite nice. The three of us went out for a walk in the grounds and Daddy Richard said, “Well? What do you think?”. He said, “Well what do you think?” and Daddy Richard said, “Go for it”. And that was that. They filled in some paperwork (I’m not quite sure what paperwork is – I just tend to enjoy ripping up paper but anyway …) and arranged to come and see me again in Dover during the week and then, the following Saturday, there I was, back in Canterbury and being handed over to them.

I should have worked it out then while I still had an opportunity to make a run for it, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. You see, there we were, standing by the back of his car and he was expecting me to jump in! I mean, what on earth did he expect? He claims that he had been told that I liked cars and happily hopped in and out of them … well that was wrong for a start. I hate cars!! Anyway, I may have mentioned this in passing previously, but he isn’t very bright … about as bright as a candle in a floodlit stadium, if you get my gist. Anyway, there he was worrying about how he was going to get me into the car – trying to tempt me with some rather disgusting treats … I had to educate him on value treats at a later stage – and along came one of the staff. They explained the problem and this chap just lifted me in. Job done and I was kind of committed! We drove home and that was that. I met Auntie Zena and Jake and Simon that evening and Auntie Sue and Uncle Malcolm in the afternoon. But how was I to know that he would turn out like he did. I could hardly have predicted it, he actually seemed quite normal to begin with.

Anyway, so my second year in life had started with me adopting the two of them to be my forever home. It all started reasonably well. I met Amanda, my personal trainer from Happy Buddies, and we started to learn some new things. I met Chloe, my personal stylist from Waggies of Godstone, and I met my lovely friend Myfanwy and her mum Sara. I made loads and loads of new friends around the village and, just when I thought life was going to turn out OK, he introduced me to my personal surgeon, Bonito de la Puerta. What happened next, was not so great. Firstly, I got my leg all chopped about and a new hip put in. I wouldn’t have minded, but he seemed to think I needed it. I might point out that I had survived pretty well on drugs and ‘Monty meat’ to serve them with! Anyway, I think he was trying to do something for the best but then it all went wrong – it kept popping out. It seemed that every few days I would be back to see my personal surgeon, Bonito de la Puerta, for another sleep when I would wake up with another ‘procedure’ having happened. Eventually, the decision was taken to put a bigger implant in and that seemed to do the trick. It was a real shame because just when the decision was made I was about to start going ‘wimming’ again with my personal therapists Emily and Katie, but then I couldn’t go. I had been ‘wimming’ with my personal therapists Emily and Katie before the original operation to build up my muscles (as if I need it!) and was due to start again now that the hip replacement was done. Now I couldn’t go again.

It was at about this time that I really began to understand what he was like. He wouldn’t let me run off lead, he wouldn’t let me jump, he wouldn’t let me play games, he wouldn’t let me run and all he ever did was moan about either me pulling on the lead or the size of my poo! Actually, it was at about this time that I discovered he is always moaning. I have a name for it … ‘Down the road muttering’, because that is what he does. “Oh, they won’t be able to open their windows here for a week after that two bagger”, or “I said ‘sit’ not …”, or “I’m going to have to go and apologise to Angela for the presents you leave on her doorstep!”, or worse, “You’re just a flamin’ sitting machine!”. I’m actually not sure about this last one because he says it with such venom, he almost spits the words out, and it is quite difficult to hear correctly but he certainly says it regularly and the tone of his voice is hardly complimentary! Anyway, I have slowly recovered from my operation(s) and life is returning to normal (well as normal as it will ever be around here!). Actually, I was having a little look around PooTube the other day and I found a rather funny video – it isn’t so much funny because it’s funny, it’s more funny because although there are human(American)s in it, it quite reflects what life is like here nowadays. After a lot of Doogling, I found a copy of it on the human version of PooTube here: https://youtu.be/jLqQP6jyH2w. You have to excuse the American pronunciation of some words (sorry my American fans, but you do speak a bit odd sometimes!) – you should here they way they pronounce Risotto! There is definitely a version of him in the video!

And so, here I am today. It was been quite a year and it seems like it is forever since my last birthday … not that I celebrated it anyway because I wasn’t in my forever home yet. I guess that really they’re not bad humans to live with. Even he could be worse and he does usually have sausage secreted around his person for when I am really good or when he thinks it will persuade me to do something he wants. So far it hasn’t been a bad birthday – I’ve had loads of cards and presents (mostly edible which is rather good!) and we went out this morning for a fabulous walk. We went onto The Green and I had a really good runabout off lead. (I’m not really supposed to do that until I’ve had sign-off from my personal surgeon, Bonito de la Puerta, but I was supposed to see him over a week ago for sign-off and I only didn’t because he couldn’t make the date. I’m due to get sign-off on Tuesday morning and then I will be able to run around off lead anyway so he thought that, as it is my birthday, it would be OK just this once.) Then we went to Café Connect where I saw loads of my friends … including Angela! Then we went for a walk up Bay Pond path and I walked off lead again. It was great! It was raining and I did get rather muddy, but that’s hardy my problem and it was great fun seeing him look a bit like a drowned rat. Daddy Richard always seems to carry off that look a lot better than him which I put down to a distinct lack of thatch on top. Even when I had my bald bum I didn’t look as bad as. him when it was raining!

And so, here I am, two at last. What an eventful year I have had, there have been ups and downs, new things to learn and see, old habits to try and lose, but all in all a bit of a fun time! I’ve made loads of new friends, not just here but around the world (although I haven’t met everyone quite yet). I’ve had a lovely time with my Auntie Jo (she’s his sister but you’d never think they came from the same family!), I love Angela, I’ve met Uncle Don, I got a lovely birthday card from Grandma and another from Auntie Jo. Mrs P popped in and sang me Happy Birthday this morning, (I’ve not yet met Auntie Sandie but she’s nearly always first to open my blog), there’s Auntie Fran and Uncle Iain, there’s Uncle Bren and Mrs Cheese (Uncle Bren is coming to dinner tonight but Mrs Cheese has got a better offer!), there’s Auntie Jean (I saw her this morning!), there are just so many people that I am bound to forget someone, so if I’ve missed you off, please don’t be offended, it doesn’t mean I love you any less. I’ve got fans all over the world and I love them all. What will happen now that I’m two already? I have no idea, but I’m sure it’s going to be fun! Thank you to everyone who sent me cards and presents and for all the birthday wishes. I really do appreciate them and sometimes, just sometimes, I think I might just be the most spoilt dog in dogdom. Obviously I am the most handsome, the most intelligent and the most loveable dog in dogdom, but sometimes life isn’t that bad either! I am going to take them both out for a walk in the rain now, so for now, must paws … ????