Oops! I think I’m in twubble again!

As usual I’ve been getting into twubble for things that are hardly my fault. The week started OK. Once they had both realised that they had a lot of making up to do after leaving me last week, we all got along just fine. I managed to get away with pulling when we went for a walk like you’ve never seen! They didn’t even moan when I had a bit of wind on Monday evening and produced some pretty spectacular bottom burps! A couple of them were so pungent you could almost chew the air but they didn’t even moan about it! On Tuesday morning we all went out for a walk and I had a lovely time. I pulled and pulled and even he didn’t moan about it. I picked up sticks, sniffed whatever I wanted and had a lovely time. When we got back he went off to that work thing he claims he does sometimes so I got to spend some quality time with Daddy Richard. When he came back I tried to do some re-arranging in his study but it didn’t go down well. I pulled out a load of wires that I see no reason for being there but he seemed to think they were important. The good news though was that I didn’t get into too much twubble because I think he was still feeling guilty!

Actually, I reckon I’ve got this worked out – it has nothing to do with work … I reckon he’s just being unfaithful to me! On Tuesdays he goes off and when he comes back there is a definite aroma of greyhound about him. He claims that there is a very friendly greyhound called Cush at the place he goes to on a Tuesday. Hmm, I could accept that if it were just on Tuesdays but it isn’t. On Wednesdays he goes off to somewhere else and he’s definitely being unfaithful to me there. When he comes back there is an aroma of Bichon Frise about him, and of German shepherd … and not just one either! He claims that there just happens to be two Bichon Frise called Ronnie and Reggie and that there just happens to be a German Shepherd called Roxy and there just happens to be another Blue German Shepherd called Radar and that they just all happen to like sitting with him whilst he works. I reckon there’s just a little too much coincidence there! He was gone all day on Wednesday too, so I spent loads of quality time with Daddy Richard. I tried to re-arrange his study too, but that didn’t appear to go down that well. When he arrived home – smelling of other dogs … just saying – Daddy Richard said “He’s been a complete nightmare all day!”. I’m not sure who he was talking about because I didn’t see anyone else all day … it was just him and me. Mind you, you know what humans can be like!

On Thursday I did get a bit of a treat. We all went off for our usual morning constitutional along Salisbury Road, Oxted Road, Church Lane and down Bay Pond Path but as soon as we got back he went off to do that ‘work’ thing he claims to do. He reappeared just after lunch with a bag full of shopping and started making a marinade for some chicken – it only turned out that he was going to do that cooking thing he’s so rubbish at again! The good thing though was that I got to eat the offcuts of the chicken, so there was some benefit to me! Once he’d got the marinade done and the chicken was in it, we went outside and I got bundled into the car thingy. I can’t say I was very happy about that but I had no choice and, in any event, I soon worked out that we were going towards my wimming sessions so that was OK. I practically dragged him through the streets of Coulsdon to get to Hydro Hounds and my wimming session. We were met by Emily and then Sarah came out and they were chatting about their trip to India – I was having none of that so I dragged Sarah into the back where Katie was waiting for me and left Emily with the two of them. I feel bad really, she must have been so bored! The last thing I wanted though, was to listen to all that again!

When we got back from my wimming session, he started that cooking thing again. When is he going to learn – no amount of practice is going to make him any better! He attempted to make chicken tikka, then it was Chole Kulche (a chickpea curry he had had in India) then it was Pav Bahji (a vegetable curry also discovered in India) and then Daddy Richard had a go and made chicken patiala (another chicken curry that they learned on their very first trip to India). In the early evening the doorbell went and … you’ll never believe this … Auntie Sue, Auntie Zena and Uncle Simon were all standing there! How flamin’ good was that! They all made a fuss of me but it didn’t last as long as I would have expected – they all went off into the kitchen where he was by now cooking Rotis. And do you know what they all said to him? “Happy Birthday!” It turned out it was his birthday!!! He’s a lot older than 3 though! They had all agreed to subject themselves to more of his rubbish food just to humour him because it was his birthday! Actually, I did play a few games with Auntie Zena and, to be honest, I did have quite a nice time, so it was all OK in the end. He got some lovely cards and presents and I think that, just for once, he was happy!

On Friday he went off to do that work thing again. I think he might actually do something wherever it is that he goes on a Friday because it is the only day of the week he comes back and doesn’t smell of other dogs! Anyway, he was gone all day, so I spent some quality time with Daddy Richard. At lunchtime we walked up Green Lane which I haven’t done for a while. There is a lot of nasty barbed wire up Green Lane and I did hurt my face on it a while ago so we haven’t been going up there as much recently. Anyway, I persuaded Daddy Richard to go up there but it all went a bit pear shaped because I found a new hole in the fence and escaped into the wildlife fields around Bay Pond where I’m definitely not suppose to go! That definitely got me into twubble! In fact, I was in quite a lot of twubble when I reappeared, running down the path, some minutes later from another hole in the fence! Daddy Richard isn’t usually anything like as grumpy as him but I was definitely in twubble for escaping! I have a feeling I may not be going back up Green Lane for a while now – I have a feeling it is definitely going to be off limits what with my escaping, the barbed wire and the mud too!

When we got back to the car thingy I lay down for a couple of minutes to get my breath back and had a jolly good drink. I don’t drink electric soup like they do, I stick to water which is much better! What was quite surprising was that when we arrived back at the car thingy, he was able to produce a bottle of water and a bowl to drink from. I really never had him down as being organised at all! I was actually quite impressed! After I had had a drink I took the opportunity to run around on the playing field again before I finally returned to the car thingy and jumped in. We didn’t go straight home though – he wanted to go to Morrisons so, after what seemed like an age, we arrived at Morrisons. He went inside – I am not allowed inside the supermarket so I waited outside with Daddy Richard. I’m very glad I did because we hadn’t been there long and, would you Fido and Buster it, along came Auntie Rosemary and Uncle Tony! They made a fuss of me and even asked Daddy Richard about his trip to India! (They must have had time on their hands because there can’t be anything interesting about it – after all, I wasn’t there!)

When we got home I was pretty bushed and ready to push out a few ????s. I think it would probably have been better if I had just done that but you know how it is. You see, it’s like this, I don’t see why it is my fault – there was this wooly hat sitting there. I mean, what is a dog supposed to do? I pick` ed it up and went and showed Daddy Richard. It turns out it was his hat! The really important word here is ‘was’. You see, I didn’t just show Daddy Richard – I found a rather loose thread on the hat so I decided to give it a pull. It came out quite easily so I found another one and then another and then another! I was just trying to improve the flamin’ hat, that’s all! It seems that, in their view (what do they know anyway!) I didn’t really make that much of an improvement. In their view (which I am not sure I agree with!) I took the hat and ripped it to shreds leaving bits all over the floor wherever I went. It seems that I was in twubble again!!! I decided that the best thing to do would be to lay down, push out a few ????s and look all innocent until the dust settled.

Today when they eventually managed to get up (I had been waiting for them for ages!) we went for our morning constitutional along Salisbury Road, Oxted Road, Church Lane and Bay Pond path. We didn’t see anyone we know. Yesterday when we were walking down Bay Pond Path we bumped into Auntie Angela and she made a proper fuss of me! If you don’t mind my saying, they could learn a thing or two from Auntie Angela on how to make a fuss of me … particularly him! When we got home Daddy Richard cleaned the kitchen whilst he went off shopping. When he came back he had absolutely nothing for me! He had flamin’ chillies and ginger and coriander – not one flamin’ treat for me! He immediately started grating ginger and garlic and adding yoghurt and paprika and cayenne pepper and turmeric – he’s practicing that cooking thing again, I can tell! He started chopping some chicken breasts into small bite sized pieces and then mixed it with he marinade and shoved it in the fridge. Then he made a paste of garlic, ginger, turmeric, garam masala and chilli. I’ve cracked it! He’s attempting to make a chicken biryani … one flamin’ trip to India and he thinks he’s a flamin’ Indian cook! Auntie Sue has been coming for dinner for the last few nights … she’s nice! I think she is trying really hard to pretend that she likes the food he cooks!

He has had a request to cook Bhuna Gosht (from Uncle Bren) but having looked at a recipe and he’s not sure where he’s going to get raw papaya paste, gram brown onions and khatta dahi to go with the goat that is essential to the dish but he’s working on it! Anyway, enough of that, what about me? Ah yes, just after lunch (I don’t know why I say lunch because I don’t get any and there were very little offcuts from the chicken he’s marinating) the doorbell went and it was Auntie Zena, Uncle Simon and my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Jake! We were going to go for a walk around Staffhurst Wood but they decided it would be just too muddy today so we went up to Kenley Aerodrome. I love Kenley Aerodrome because I can run around the whole time off lead and there’s loads to sniff and see! I ran everywhere! My bestest friend in the whole wide world, Jake, ran with me sometimes too. We had a lovely time but by the time we got back to the car thingy I was completely cream crackered! In fact, it’s as much as I can do to keep my eyes open right now. Daddy Richard has gone for a ‘snooze’ and I’m really struggling and urgently need to push out some ????s so, for now, must paws … ????