Why is it that whenever there is an ‘incident’, I always get the blame? It isn’t always my fault! You see, it isn’t always quite as it seems. After being gone all day on Monday (more of that coming in a minute) and me giving him the cold shoulder when he eventually arrived home on Monday evening, I think he was feeling just a little bit guilty. When we went out for our early evening walk we didn’t go on one of our usual routes, we went off down the High Street, through the twitten that connects the High Street to Bell Meadow, through Bell Meadow and then through the twitten that connects Bell Meadow to Ivy Mill Close and then, having knocked on Uncle Alan and Auntie Moira’s front door and spent about a million minutes talking to them, we finally wandered up Ivy Mill Lane to The Green. I was enjoying a jolly good run around when it happened. On the other side of The Green there were a bunch of men running around – 22 of them actually. They seemed to be running after something so I looked a bit closer and then I spotted it. They were kicking it all over the place, passing it from one to another. I realised instantly that I had an opportunity! So I ran as fast as any dog in dogdom has ever run and, just when they thought they were having fun, I jumped up and grabbed the ball! I ran, as fast as I could away from them and then, when I thought they couldn’t see me anymore I lay down flat on the ground and started chewing it. Daddy Richard finally arrived (a little out of breath I fear!) and got hold of me and took the ball away. He just kept apologising to all the men – apparently they were playing a human game called ‘football’. How was I supposed to know that? All I saw was a ball! I got the blame for ruining their game of football, got put straight back on the lead and we made a quick exit up Bay Pond path! He says that fortunately the men found it all very amusing and weren’t angry at all – I have a feeling that, despite this, I won’t be going to The Green again if there is football being played!
The reason he was feeling guilty was that he basically abandoned me on Monday. On Monday morning he rang the hospickle for the millionth time to try and find out if they were going to let Grandma out. It turned out that they couldn’t let her out on Sunday because they were short staffed and there was no-one to issue her TTOs (To Take Out bits like letters and drugs). When he phoned in the morning they said that the doctor was busy but would do it later. When he phoned later they said that the doctor was just about to do it. When he phoned mid-afternoon they said that the doctor had started it. But then, when he phoned late afternoon they said that the pharmacy had closed at 12:00 so they couldn’t release Grandma on a Sunday! I think they may have been telling some little porkies earlier in the day! When he phoned on Monday morning he was told to phone at 11:00 to see what the situation was but that Grandma would definitely be released that day. He phoned at dead on 11:00 (I know, I looked at the clock!) and they asked him to come and pick Grandma up. When he told them that it would take at least 3 hours to get there, they said that was fine because it would take them at least 2 hours to process everything. When he arrived after another 4½ hour drive, it turned out that she had been in the ‘discharge lounge’ for over 3 hours but that the drugs had still not been done. They had to wait for another hour before she was finally ‘sprung’ from the hospickle! Finally, she was discharged and he took her home where Auntie Jo was waiting for them with a nice cup of tea! He eventually walked though the door at 9.00pm and, frankly, I couldn’t even be bothered to get up and say hello! He had been gone 10 hours and, although I had been with Daddy Richard all that time, I was still going to make him pay for abandoning me! So the incident on Tuesday seemed a fair payback in my humble opinion!
On Wednesday they still hadn’t fixed the water leak on the path between Tylers Close Field and the top of The Hollow, so we still couldn’t walk that way. Daddy Richard had gone off to one of his ‘networking events’. (I don’t quite understand what these events are but I have learned that they almost invariably involve a ‘full English’ which seems to please Daddy Richard and, judging by the impact it is having on his waistline, I think he rather enjoys!) So, it was left to me to take him out on the usual Oxted Road, Church Lane, Bay Pond path walk. Just before we got into Oxted Road I produced a stunning two bagger – I know it was good because he said that if the wind changed direction the good people of Oxted would all have to close their windows! When we got back, he went off to see Uncle Iain and Auntie Fran (something to do with ‘computers’, I don’t think I have the energy to try to understand!) but he’d only been gone a few minutes when Daddy Richard arrived home so I wasn’t on my own for long enough to even play a game of ‘shoe’ or something. When he came home I did kind of make a fuss because I thought I might still have a bit of making up to do after the football ‘incident’. I greeted him with a waggy tail and a pair of Daddy Richard’s underpants, so that was nice for him! Mind you, he went out again in the afternoon to see Auntie Moira so I got to spend more quality time with Daddy Richard. When he eventually returned we all went out for a walk on our usual Salisbury Road, Dewlands, Ryders Way, Green Lane, Church Lane, Bay Pond path and back up the High Street. In Church Lane I did spot a big fresh pile of horses poo but, unfortunately, so did he and I didn’t get near it. I made a mental note though … he isn’t always that smart!
Actually, talking of not being smart, I think I may have mentioned this before but he really isn’t all that bright … about as bright as a light bulb with no electricity, if you get my gist! Thursdays are my day for going wimming. I get to spend some quality time with my personal therapists, Emily, Katie and Stef without either of them. On Thursday it rained … actually it properly poured with rain! Well, it doesn’t take Einstein to work out that we have to walk from the car to Hydro Hounds where I go wimming, or that if it is raining there is water falling out of the sky! He managed to go out with a jacket that wasn’t waterproof, no umbrella and no hat. When they dropped me off, he was wet through. By the time they came back from the shops (they bought food and not one thing for me!) he was properly soaked! I mean properly, properly soaked! Honestly, sometimes I do wonder! Mind you, it was hilarious and I was laughing my paws off! When we went out for our early evening walk on Thursday evening, he proved again that he isn’t all that bright. Remember that big pile of horse poo? Yep, you got it … I remembered it too but he didn’t. Before he could take evasive action I managed to get a huge mouthful!! Weirdly, he refused to kiss me all evening and kept well away!
Before it rained on Thursday we went out for our usual morning walk. Leak still not fixed it was Oxted Road, Church Lane and Bay Pond path. That’s where we met Harry! Harry is going to be a handsome chap – not as handsome as me, but I am the handsomest dog in dogdom! Harry is an 11 week old black Labrador who we met with his owner, Lilly. We stopped and chatted for a little while and Harry and I had a jolly good sniff of each others’ bottoms and other necessary bits. Harry was only just learning to socialise, so it was very good. He was very well behaved and so I didn’t really have to show him how to behave at all. It was only when Auntie Heather arrived with one of the dogs she looks after (she looks after dogs for other people when they go on holiday and stuff) that I rather forgot I was showing Harry how to behave and may have, sort of, leaped in the direction of Auntie Heather’s dog (I didn’t quite catch his name) to have a jolly good play. Unfortunately (for both of us), he was still attached to the other end of the lead and I am 99% sure that the only thing that stopped him from saying something very rude indeed was that Lilly and Harry were there and he didn’t want to embarrass himself any further! Anyway, I was rather unceremoniously dragged back from Auntie Heather’s dog and told, in no uncertain terms, to sit. From the tone of his voice, I decided it would probably be wise if I did!
On Friday morning the world took another turn. I think he’s been watching videos again … no not that kind, the other kind! You see, we started out going down the High Street and across the Zebra crossing towards the Hare and Hounds – that’s the route you take to get to Hilly Fields so I naturally drew the conclusion that we were going to Hilly Fields. As we approached the track up towards Hilly Fields we didn’t turn. Instead we went straight past Auntie Fran’s house (I did try to pop in but he was having none of it) and on towards North Park Lane. When we were past all the houses and walking along the footpath towards North Park Lane something strange happened. Suddenly, without warning he turned around and started walking back from where we had come. I had hardly had chance to run past him and begin my impression of a freight train when he turned and started walking back towards North Park Lane. Daddy Richard had now joined in and, no sooner had we got a few yards further on, he did it again. This turning backwards and forwards became quite confusing. They never turned in the same place and they never walked the same distance before turning. I found that, since he had become quite erratic, the only way in which I could see what was happening was to walk by his side and keep him in my peripheral vision at all times. I never got a chance to do my impression of a freight train and pull like mad … it was as much as I could do to keep by his side and keep my eye on him. You don’t think that he was trying to find a way to stop me pulling? Nah, he’s not that clever! It must have just been a coincidence …
This morning, we’d only been home from our walk for a few minutes when Auntie Zena and Uncle Simon arrived. It was all very exciting … particularly when it began to look as if we were all going out together somewhere. Sure enough, after another of his new rituals had been completed (sit down quietly whilst the door is opened, sit down quietly whilst the lead is put on … no barking and clawing at doors!) I found myself ready to go and with my lead on. They opened the door and I was out like the fastest dog in dogdom! Then it dawned on me … the flamin’ door of the car thingy opened and they wanted me to get in it. I was having none of it, not even when Auntie Zena got into the car thingy. I stood my ground! That is, until he rather unceremoniously picked me up off the ground and placed me in the back of the car thingy! So that was that, no real option, we all went out in the car thingy. We went on the motorway (but in the opposite direction to when we go wimming) and eventually we ended up in a place called Tunbridge Wells. I haven’t ever been there before so when we got out of the car I found myself drawn (and him who was on the other end of the lead) to pull in all directions and have a jolly good sniff! I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to know this, but I actually rather enjoyed myself. I like Tunbridge Wells. The people and the dogs I encountered were all very friendly and there were some lovely places to walk. I was a bit cream crackered when we got back to the car thingy so when the door opened I jumped straight in. As soon as we started moving I dropped off and didn’t really wake up again until we got home. Mind you, talking of pushing out ????s, I’m still pretty tired. I think I’m going to have to push out just a few more so, for now, must paws … ????
