Life is like a box of chocolates …

Actually I’ve never eaten chocolates because they’re very bad for me. Now … it’s been a while since I put paw to keyboard. It isn’t that I haven’t wanted to but I’ve struggled for time during the week and weekends have been pretty busy too. I’ve just Doogled my last Glog and it was over a month ago! That’s forever!!!!! I’m not. sure I can remember that far back! Starting with the things I do remember, the weather has been pretty good and I’ve been out on some lovely walks. They are still trying to stop me from pulling all the time. I have days when I’m quite happy to stroll along and let them think they’ve won the battle but then there are others when I need to let them know that if they’ve won the battle, they most certainly haven’t won the war! He has also tried to suggest that I am being rather vocal at the moment. Clearly that isn’t the case, but I have had a lot to say recently! When I hear someone coming through the gate (and I always hear before they do!) I get quite excited and have to announce my presence so that they know that the handsomest dog in the whole of dogdom lives here! Sometimes that flamin’ pigeon comes and sits on the fence in the back garden and I have to try and tell it it isn’t welcome here. Flamin’ pigeons seem to think they have every right to sit on my fence. I need to put them right! Sometimes just as I’m having a little doze something pops into my mind and I wake up with a start and have to have a jolly good bark. Obviously he moans about it all the flamin’ time but then he always seems to have something to moan about.

Take, for example, the other week when we went for a nice run around on Limpsfield Chart. I mean, it wasn’t my fault! We were walking along, or at least they were walking along whilst I had a jolly good run around, and then we came across this tiny little Jack Russell. If he thinks I”m vocal you should have heard her! Anyway, the main gist of her bark was that there was a lovely pond just a bit further on and she fancied a dip. Well, it wouldn’t have been gentlemanly of me not to accompany her would it? As I raced off in the direction of the pond I heard some vague shrieks that sounded a bit like “Monty, don’t you dare!” and “Monty, no!” but frankly the wind was rushing in my ears as I was running so fast and, anyway, as I have said before he often doesn’t speak that clearly. As I dived into the pond I definitely heard someone shout “Monty!!!” I don’t recall it sounding like a very loving call so I decided to ignore it and had a jolly good paddle around where I found some particularly ripe smelling mud! When I got out of the pond and trotted up to find them I knew I as in twubble by the colour of his face. Daddy Richard did little to assist either, he seemed to be keeping a distance from me for some reason. I will admit there was a certain accompanying aroma to my new look and I was a bit wet. He said something about smelling like sewers or something … it was difficult to determine exactly what he was saying through all the angry muttering! I’m sure he shouted something about the ‘ducking fog’ again, but I must have mis-heard because it was actually quite a sunny afternoon! Sometimes he really doesn’t articulate well! As we made our way back to the car there was much discussion between them of hoses and the garden. I couldn’t quite hear because I was keeping a safe distance since he was definitely still very bad tempered and kept muttering something about his car thingy and a disgusting dog. I’m not sure who he’s had in the back of that car thingy but if he’s had a disgusting dog it is hardly my fault!

We got home and I found out what all the talk of hoses and the garden was about! I was very unceremouniously hosed down in the garden and then prevented from going into the house again until I had dried off again. They used to try and towell dry me but that is just too good a game. They get the towell out and I nick it and run around the house with it making sure that I touch as many surfaces as I can with my wet hair! They don’t bother now. I just have to dry ‘au naturale’. The next ‘incident’ came with his precious garden. I think I mentioned before that he had planted his runner beans. Goodness knows why – they taste disgusting! I know, I tried them the last time he tried to grow them! Anyway, apparently now he doesn’t want me trampling on them. He planted out some French Beans (they’re no better either!) and some Swiss Chard which apparently he doesn’t want me walking on them either. I can’t believe he’s done this but he’s actually gone and built a frame around each of the raised beds and I can’t even get in them at all now! It’s not fair!!! I only broke a couple of runner bean plants, and a couple of Swiss Chard plants and I’m fairly sure that the Broad Beans will recover … eventually. He ruins all my fun!

Talking of fun, he’s recently got back in touch with his friend Martin who he hadn’t seen or spoken to in over 30 years. Martin still had some photos from a camping trip they did around France in 1987, so he shared them with him. They drove all around France from Cherbourg all the way down through the Dordogne across the south stopping off in St Tropez, Nice and Cannes and then into Monaco and out the other side into Italy before driving back up through part of Italy before re-entering France through the Frejus Tunnel and then up through Geneva back into France and back to Cherbourg via Auxerre, Paris and then Normandy. He couldn’t have told you that, he suffers from CRAFT (Can’t Remember A Flamin’ Thing!) but Martin still had the map with the route they followed. They seem to talk for hours about people I’ve never even heard of and places I have definitely not been. Quite honestly, I find it all a bit boring so I go off and spend some quality time with Daddy Richard. (I think he’s still got that shirt in the photograph!)

We have had some good walks recently though and met some new friends. The photo here is of my new friend Dylan. He’s a bit younger than me but that just gives me an opportunity to pass on a few tips and tricks on how to deal with humans and which buttons to press for maximum effect! Dylan seems to be a very clever dog – I see he’s already got his paw on the situation. I’m sure he’s a quick learner so I am goingt to be able to pass on all the tricks very easily! Talking of friends, I’ve seen Auntie Zena and Uncle Simon a couple of times – keeping socially distanced of course – and Auntie Sue too. I did see Uncle Tony and Auntie Rosemary the other day too but they were in their car thingy so I couldn’t stop for a chat! I am pleased to say that the ‘Saturday Night Takeway’ has now finished too. I mean, it’s one thing him ruining perfectly good raw chicken, beef or lamb by practising his ‘cooking’ on it but it is quite another inflicting it on several other households too. I’ve lost count of the number of weeks that our kitchen smelled like an Indian or a Chinese takeaway on a Saturday night!!! And if I see another naan bread dough again it’ll be too soon! They’re not all that nice … I know I stole one once and gulped it down! I’ve never tried a cooked one but I don’t think cooking it would improve it. He says they’re easy to make and better than shop bought ones (recipe here) but you wouldn’t think that from the fuss he made when I stole one on a Saturday night! He was moaning and groaning about it being his after all the other ones had been delivered to the other households by Daddy Richard, Even more reason why no fuss was needed – it wasn’t like anyone important was being deprived of it!

I mentioned that the weather has been pretty good recently. There have been some rainy days but boy were they needed! We have a few days when it was over 30℃. That is just too hot! We were out walking quite early in the morning so that we could avoid that searing heat but it was still pretty hot. For some unknown reason he seemed quite surprised when I had a lay down on some nice cool leaves on Bay Pond Path! I mean, I think I may have mentioned in the past that he’s not exactly Einstein, if you gave a penny for his thoughts you’d get change … if you get my gist! I mistakenly thought that even he would have worked out that walking around in 30℃ heat with a fur coat on is going to make you pretty cream crackered! I just wanted a short rest before I got to the bottom of the path and could have a drop of Auntie Angela’s excellent water that she leaves out for us doggies! Anyway, fortunately the heat didn’t last that long and we were back to more ‘normal’ temperatures which is much more comfortable for me!

I really don’t know why I bother but I’ve even been helping him in the greenhouse with his flamin’ chillies. Honestly, I sometimes think he cares more about them than he does about me! He’s got 59 plants this year, that seems a bit over the top by any standards! I’ve helped him with irrigation … I made few extra holes in the side of a few pots that were within reach. I got no thanks for that! I’ve helped by using my paws to pack the soil into a couple of plants he was potting on – OK, so I may have trodden on the plants too but you can’t have everything. I got no thanks for that! I’ve helped by relocating some of his tools to other parts of the garden. I got no thanks for that. I’ve helped by digging through the compost just to make sure it was ok – how could I be expected to put it back again too! I got no thanks for that! In fact, it doesn’t matter what I’ve done to help I don’t seem to ever get any thanks for it, so I’ve give up! Anyway, this gardening lark is flamin’ tiring. After all that work I was completely cream crackered so I decided to leave him to it!

Yesterday we had a lovely walk. We explored a new footpath that we haven’t been along before. We went on our usual walk along Salisbury Road and then Oxted Road and into Church Lane but then we (well I) decided we wanted to go around the churchyard. Then they decided we’d walk up past the pigs and into the field which took us down to Leigh Place. We walked past Leigh Place and down the the bridge where the bypass goes overhead but then we turned right into the footpath just before the bridge. We walked along there for a while until we reached a road which they eventually deduced was the bypass again. We were going to turn back but we decided to cross the road and see where the footpath on the other side took us. It transpires it took us to Tandridge village. We were going to walk back but decided instead to walk up through the village and then we were going to walk down Jackass Lane. As we were walking down Jackass Lane we discovered another footpath so we decided to see where that went. Thankfully it did lead back to Godstone and to another footpath that took us back to Leigh Place. I have to be honest, I did enjoy it but I was totally cream crackered by the time we got back. It was only supposed to be a normal walk and turned out to be a six mile walk instead! Today we are sticking to our normal walks which I secretly think they are glad of too – they both seem to have stiff legs today! So, there you go, it’s been a bit of a mixed bag recently – Life is like a box of chocolates … you never know what you’re gonna get! Mind you, talking of walks, it’s about time we went for one so, for now, must paws … 🐾