I’ve been on me holidays again!

I was going to say that I had been on a staycation but, having looked on the interweb I found that even on Fidopedia there is some debate around the use of the word ‘staycation’. It seems that there is two ways of using the word. Firstly, it is used to describe when you stay at home and have days out – I do that every day! Secondly, it is used to describe a holiday in your own country. I don’t go abroad much anyway. I miss my friend Charlie in France but otherwise I’m not much one for travelling. Personally, I like the word ‘holistay’ which is definitely when you stay at home and go for days out! Anyway, whatever way you describe it, I’ve been on me holidays! Typically, I got very little warning from them, so I didn’t have time to pack much, but I got a couple of toys in and my bowls for food and water. Somehow my towel made it into the car thingy and my lead and, rather handily, a large bag of treats. It was raining aunties and uncles on the Monday when we left. I had been out on my morning walk and got soaked. He was grumbling about “wet dog in the car” but he failed to mention that we were going on our holidays. We had a short walk at lunchtime and then I was pretty much man handled into the car thingy and we left.

If I were to be totally honest, I didn’t mind the car thingy much. In fact, as the week went by I got to rather like it and would try and jump in myself. That didn’t go all that well because the back of the car was just too high for me to jump but I did try and always got my front paws up there! We drove for miles and miles and miles. Way past Reigate Hill to this place called Crewkerne which is in Somerset. I looked it up on Doogle Maps and it is really, really far! The website for the lodge we stayed in said it was on the Dorset Border, but then later on it said it was on the Devon Border. I was very confused! It turns out though that it’s true. Drive less than 10 minutes in one direction and you are in Dorset. Drive less than 10 minutes in the other direction and you are in Devon! All very strange. Anyway, rather fittingly our lodge was called Quackers, which is pretty much how I would describe them! I can’t believe that people are still asking me why it is called a Glog. In the human world (what a dreadful place that would be trapped in!) there are inferior (obviously) things called a ‘Blog’. The word Blog comes from a portmanteau of the words ‘weB’ and ‘log’ making the new word ‘Blog’. In the doggy world we have doG logs, so it is a Glog! Blindingly obvious if you ask me!!!

Anyway, the lodge called Quackers was our home for the week. It is on a farm called Peckmoor Farm and is actually about 3 miles from Crewkerne. There are several lodges but each one is secluded in it’s own area of woodland and ours was the very last you would come to. I could go outside whenever I felt like it and have a jolly good wander around in the woods by the lodge. I didn’t have to have a lead on and I could basically do as I pleased. It wasn’t just that though, there were fields on the farm which, if they didn’t have sheep or horses in them (the farm is a working sheep farm and a racehorse training yard), then I was allowed to run around as much as I liked. The sheep didn’t bother me because they were in their own field and they are about my size anyway. I had to have a jolly good bark at the horses though. They were enormous and I really wasn’t sure about them, although both him and Daddy Richard went and spoke to the horses and stroked their necks, so I guess they were ok really. The really good thing though was that at least once a day I got to run around in a field. By the time I had had a good run I was completely cream crackered!

Every day we went somewhere too. Most days we went into Crewkerne to shop for food and essentials (basically incahol for them!), but we also went somewhere else. The first place we went to was Lyme Regis which is actually in Dorset, so it shows how close we were. I liked Lyme Regis but it was really, really busy. At first I was trying to drag him around the town because I was in a hurry to get there, even though I didn’t know where there was! But then I forgot to pull. There were just so many things to sniff and to look at that I completely forgot about pulling! I thought Lyme Regis was a bit hilly for my liking. I did discover there is a walk you can do along the Jurassic Coast but that seemed like a lot of effort, particularly considering that I had run around a huge field for an hour in the morning! One thing I discovered at Lyme Regis was that I am not allowed on the beach during the summer. It was the same pretty much everywhere we went that was by the seaside but, to be perfectly honest, I don’t much like the pebbles beneath my feet anyway! We didn’t stay at Lyme Regis all that long but we were there long enough for Daddy Richard to enjoy a bag of chips and an ice cream!

It wasn’t all seaside and chips though … the next day we went to a place called Bridport which is also in Dorset but not on the coast. It was a really nice market town that has an actual market on a Wednesday and a Saturday. We arrived just as the market was closing. We didn’t know about it and I had spent the morning running in the fields. We walked all around the town but I forgot to pull again!! There was just so much to sniff and see that I forgot about my mission to take his arm out of its socket! Even on the farm I forgot to pull. Most of the time I didn’t have a lead on anyway but on the rare occasions that I did have a lead on there was just so much to look at and to sniff that I completely forgot about pulling. He thinks I’ve forgotten forever but just wait, I’ll show him now that I’m back home!! It is quite nice not having the collar quite so tight around my neck though. I may have to give this whole pulling strategy some further thought. It might just be that I have to abandon the pulling strategy in favour of something else!

So, after arriving in Bridport when the market was closing, we decided to return there on the Saturday in the morning when we knew it would be on again. We decided that we would go and have a look at West Bay which is very near to Bridport. It is a small bay with an active harbour and lots of fishing boats. I rather liked it actually! Particularly since several very astute locals came up and made a fuss of me and said how good looking I am! You may be wondering how I knew they were locals but it was all very easy – people from Somerset have a very distinctive accent. If they were to say Somerset, it would sound more like Samerrrrrset. I’m not just the most handsome dog in dogdom, I’m also pretty darned clever too!!! Anyway, we had a nice walk around West Bay before we returned to our lodge where I could get a bit of decent shut eye. I have found that pushing out 💤s in the car thingy does wile away the time but it isn’t the same as laying on the floor and having a jolly good snooze! And they can’t hear my snoring in the car thingy but they sure can in the lodge!!!

On the Thursday we decided to go and have a look at Yeovil. I have to be honest, it wasn’t really my cup of tea (well, to be honest nothing is my cup of tea because I don’t drink tea, only water!), it was a bit SBD (Seen Better Days!) and rather dirty in some ways. You can usually tell what a town is like, in my opinion, by the number of charity shops and the number of pound shops there are. In Yeovil there are a lot!!! We had a walk around the town just the same but in the end we decided that it hadn’t quite lived up to expectations so we moved on. He had the brainwave (if he had half a brain it would help!) of going to have a look at Chard instead. Duh! Chard is in the opposite direction to Crewkerne, we actually had to pass through Crewkerne to get there!! When we did get to Chard there wasn’t really much to that either. It was a bit of a ‘one street wonder’, but at least we had seen it. We had a walk around the town and then returned to Crewkerne where they had discovered a rather good butcher. I have to be honest and say that I have benefited from this discovery too, so I’m not complaining. They decided to cook two pork chops on the barbecue. Having spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to find some barbecue charcoal we eventually returned to our lodge.

Now I’m none one to criticise but … I think I have mentioned before that he isn’t very bright – one tree short of a forest if you get my gist – well, we had just arrived back at our lodge and he made a small, but vital, discovery. They had the barbecue charcoal, they had the delicious pork chops, they had the salad and they had the Cornish new potatoes (which they tell me are almost as good a Jersey Royals!) but what they didn’t have was any matches to light the barbecue with! Looking around the facilities, they discovered this was a major flaw in their plans. The hob is halogen, the oven is electric. They don’t smoke (thank goodness) and the car thingy doesn’t have a cigarette lighter. Then Daddy Richard came up with a plan. It was quite a good plan and involved a degree of jeopardy for him which I found an attractive part of the plan … light the barbecue with the toaster!! I know, but what can I say?! So, the toaster was setup outside on an extension lead and then it was switched on whilst he held a piece of paper against the element until it caught light, he then dashed over to the barbecue and lit it with the burning paper. What could possibly go wrong? Believe it or not, nothing did, and the barbecue was successfully lit.

Actually, something did go slightly wrong. The fat from the pork chop dripped into the barbecue causing it to flame which charred the chops rather more than was intended but, to be fair (why should I?), the chops actually tasted very good indeed (I’m told!). On the Friday they had arranged to go and meet up with an old (oh, I do hope he reads this!) friend of his. Martin lives in Gloucestershire so they decided that they would meet in Wells for some lunch and a catch up. I had my usual run around the fields in the morning. That caused some twubble because I found a little area of stagnant dirty water which I (obviously) had a little splash around in so when we got back to the lodge I had to be hosed down before we could leave. Then he tried to dry me off with my towel before I was allowed to go in the car thingy. He‘s not very good at towelling me dry but that may have something to do with the fact that all the time he’s trying to dry me I am either pinching the towel out of his hands or nipping him for fun! We eventually got in the car and drove to Wells. It was quite a long way but I was cream crackered from my morning run, so I snoozed most of the way.

When we got to Wells, it will come as no surprise that he got the meeting place wrong. Well, that may not be strictly true. They had arranged to meet in a car park in a street called Union Street. He had put Union Street into his SatNag and, when they arrived in Wells, they were guided to Union Street. The trouble was, it was the wrong end of Union Street (which is a tiny lane not wide enough for cars) and so they couldn’t find the car park. In the end they just decided to park in another car park and walk into the town to find Martin. They did eventually meet and we had a nice walk around Wells before they stopped in a nice hotel garden and had lunch. I was pretty cream cracked after a morning run and then a long walk around town so I lay down under the table and pushed out a few more 💤s. After they had finished their lunch we walked about town a bit more so that Daddy Richard could have an ice cream and then we said our goodbyes and drove back to our lodge. There were several traffic jams on the way back which meant it took much longer to get back than it did to get there. I didn’t mind though because I was able to have a longer snooze and rebuild my energy for running around in the evening.

The first thing we did on Saturday morning was to go into Crewkerne to an artisan bakery that is only open on Saturdays but the butcher had said is the best bakery for miles around. We got there at 10 o’clock having got up early, I had had my run in the fields, they had had breakfast and the idea was that we would all go straight from Crewkerne to Bridport to the market. It turns out that she probably is the best baker for miles around but apparently you have to be there at 7 o’clock when there is a queue because she sells out of all the good stuff by about 7.15am! They did get some bread but it wasn’t really what they were planning on. We got back in the car thingy and we drive to Bridport. It only takes about 30 minutes so we were there in good time for the market. Bridport was packed!! Properly packed!! We couldn’t get into the first car park we tried and when we got to the second one, I brought them luck because there were no spaces there either and just as they were about to make a decision to try somewhere else, a car pulled out right in front of them and they got the best space in the entire car park!

We had a nice walk around the market in Bridport and they even bought a rather attractive salad bowl from a local potter. When we were in Wells they had bought some local cheeses, so they bought crusty bread and we drive back to our lodge where they ate a late lunch of the cheeses with salad, pickles and crusty bread. Obviously this was all washed down with a cold glass of something not local – from Provence in France I believe! They were quite surprised that finding the local cheeses was so difficult. Almost nowhere seems to sell cheese yet the area is known for its cheese making. There is a big cheese maker in Shepton Mallet which is not that far away and Somerset Brie is famous for being really good. On Saturday night they only cooked a flamin’ curry! I thought we had finished with cooking curry every Saturday night! I wouldn’t mind but there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that I can eat! A total waste of good food in my opinion! Mind you, I have been saying for quite some time now that most of what he does is a total waste of good food. I don’t know why he hasn’t worked it out yet, but if he needs to practice that much, he is clearly no good at it!!!

We had to leave by 9 o’clock in the morning on Monday, so Sunday was our last day in Crewkerne. It was such a shame. We had had a luvely time and I was definitely going to miss those fields! The weather wasn’t great on Sunday either. When we were in the field for my morning run – I noticed they never ran with me but just dawdled along behind! – it started to rain and by the time we got back to the lodge, all three of us were soaked! We decided that we wouldn’t let the weather beat us though, so we decided to go and see what Beer is like. That’s the place not the drink! I’ve tried looking it up on Doogle but frankly the search results are just too complicated. Anyway, Beer is in Devon and is a small fishing village. We drove there and it took about 45 minutes. When we got there we had a walk around the town and then went down to the only beach we have seen where I was allowed onto it. What is surprising is the village. Most of the shops and cafes were shut. The reason this is so surprising is that they have been forced to be closed for over a year and I would have expected them to be open as much as they possibly could be to try and recoup their losses.

We actually went from Beer to Seaton and had a wander around the town there. Again it was amazing to see so many shops and cafes closed. There were plenty of people but nowhere for them to go! One would have thought that having been closed for so long, they would want to open up as much as possible and capitalise on the summer season and the visitors, but apparently not! I guess there’s no accounting for humans sometimes! Daddy Richard bought a battered sausage and some chips in Seaton. He wasn’t hungry, so he didn’t bother to get any although he did pinch a few of Daddy Richard’s chips. He said they weren’t as good as the ones Daddy Richard bought in Lyme Regis! When we got back to the lodge, Daddy Richard was cream crackered too. He took to his bed for an afternoon nap and I did pretty much the same. To be honest, all this holidaying is pretty tiring. So, that’s that, we’re back now and our holiday is over. I have some pretty good memories though and I really did have a good time. I don’t mind the car thingy anymore and I know there are some pretty exciting places out there. This has turned into an epic Glog though and now I’m cream crackered again so, for now, must paws … 🐾