It’s all about the way you say it …

This week started relatively well. Monday morning returned to banging, noise and dust from the builders. They have started putting the house back together, but it is going to take a while after all that destruction. I took Alex out for a walk in the morning but, frankly, I had a bit of bother getting him to keep up! Personally, I think it may have had something to do with the consumption of gin and tonic, wine and whisky on Sunday evening at Fran and Iain’s, but you never can tell with him. He did allow me to run a bit in Tylers Close field, but then I ended up having to wait an eternity for him at the kissing gate on the other side!

On Monday afternoon I took Alex for a walk around Bay Pond. And who should we bump into? Only Angela! Now, I haven’t seen her for ages, so it was really nice to see her. Anyway, Alex clearly thought I should show my appreciation at seeing her and being made a fuss of, so whilst they were talking I left a little present on her doorstep. Alex swears he said “sit” but he does mumble sometimes! Anyway, it was only a one bagger and didn’t take long to clear up! Once on our way, the astute amongst my dear fans will have noticed that, once again I was walking off lead. (Actually strictly speaking I still had my lead on, but I didn’t have him hanging on the other end of it!) Bay Pond path and Green Lane are now regular ‘off lead’ parts of my walk, or at least, they have been.

It all went a bit ‘Pete Tong’ on that walk. (Did you know that ‘It’s has all gone Pete Tong’ is a film by the same name [about a DJ that has one deaf], meaning that it has all gone wrong, and a reference to a popular English DJ called Pete Tong … the things you can learn on Fidopedia!) You see, it was hot and I was feeling a little mischievous. I took Alex on a Bay Pond and Green Lane walk so that I could spend a bit of time off lead. As usual I was having to wait for him to catch up … he really can be quite slow when I’m in a rush! Anyway, there I was, standing there waiting for him and an idea popped straight into my head. What could I do if I just ignored a recall? I mean, this would take a lot of will power – he had some venison sausage secreted about his person! I came to the conclusion that the best thing would be that I spend a bit of time plotting.

We made our way up Bay Pond path and along Church Lane and then we turned into Green Lane. The idea had now fully formed in my head and I knew what I was going to do. We wandered down Green Lane with me doing my usual off lead thing. If I got to about 30 feet ahead of him I would stop and wait for him to catch up, which almost always resulted in a piece of sausage. Then as we were getting towards the bottom of the hill, I went for it! I ran and ran until I reached the muddy stream and I jumped straight in! When he eventually caught up I still ignored him. I ran up the stream until I was out of sight. Then I ran back again but I still ignored his pleas to get out! The issue was never that I hadn’t heard him – I heard him alright, I just didn’t want to do what he wanted. I know I was missing out on the venison sausage and that was tough, but to see the look on his face was worth it! Honestly, the sight of an out of breath, bald headed, bloke calling “Come, Monty” and “This way, Monty” with more and more of a sense of urgency was just too much. I was laughing my paws off!!! I was just thinking of running off again when I heard him shout (and he hardly ever shouts at me) “Monty, come here now. This way!”. It was the tone of voice. I knew I was in trouble! I jumped out of the stream and looked at him with my big brown eyes, but to no avail, he was properly upset with me. He put me back on my lead and we walked home with him muttering under his breath things like, “I’m going to have to get Amanda back and get some help with his recall” and “That flaming dog is going to be the death of me”. I didn’t play him up anymore because I thought it was probably wise not to at this stage.

Tuesday saw us doing one of my favourite walks – up Green Lane, down Church Lane, through the churchyard past Glebe House, down to Leigh Place and then back to Church Lane, up to the church and then down Bay Pond path and up the High Street. It is about 2½ miles, but I really like it. Whilst I do love that walk, it became blatantly obvious that I was not going to be allowed off lead again for a while! It is quite interesting that one little incident is sufficient for a rather complete loss of confidence in me. I am going to have to give this some thought. It isn’t that I mind walking on the lead – particularly the long line – but it is nice to walk off lead sometimes.

As we walked through the fields I was reminded that I am usually allowed off lead in Tylers Close field where I can run around as long as I don’t stray too far. I hadn’t been on that route since the incident on Monday afternoon, so I wasn’t sure where I stood (if you get what I mean). Anyway, when we got back from our walk I was pretty bushed, so I lay down and pushed out a few ????s, sleeping to the rhythm of the builders’ banging and knocking. Actually, this brings me to another important point. I have been thinking of adding a bit more video to my blog but I am not sure that the current plugin will allow me to do it the way I would like to. I currently upload everything to PooTube (I am led to believe that humans have a similar system called YouTube … hardly inventive, if you don’t mind my saying!) and then I have to link to it from my blog. I am not an expert in these matters – I am a dog after all – but I think there may be a better way, so I shall do a bit of Doogling and see what I can come up with. I have some lovely video on my first hydrotherapy session, but I haven’t yet put it on the blog because I want to show myself off at my best of course!

Returning to the house not much had changed. The builders were still ‘building’. Neil was still knocking things down and destroying them (he even took the kitchen sink out on Tuesday!), Kevin was still rebuilding what had been knocked down and Steve was plumbing (which seemed to involve a lot of pipe which is being laid under the floor and I am not allowed to chew under any circumstances!). Actually, there does seem to be quite a lot of progress. The walls are plastered (which I’m pretty sure is an accurate description of Alex when he left Fran and Iain’s on Sunday evening!), the floor is going down, the walls are built and there are wires everywhere!

Wednesday morning was flamin’ hot! I took Alex on a Hilly Fields walk for two reasons. Firstly, there is quite a bit of shade in The Hollow and also on the path between the Haul Route and Tylers Close field. That was nice because the heat was quite intense. The second reason was a little more devious. I wanted to see what Alex would do when we got to Tylers Close field. Would he allow me off lead there? When we got there, he did. He took my lead off and away I went. Now, I know I have mentioned before that he isn’t all that bright sometimes … about as smart as a stick, if you get my meaning! Well, what did he expect? I ran off, of course. I wanted to show him who’s boss in this relationship! (It turns out there are no bosses in this relationship, but I didn’t want that to stop me from having fun!) I ran off at the speed of light … well slightly slower since light travels at 299,792,458 metres per second which is really fast!

Alex called out, “Come, Monty”, he even tried “Here, Monty” which I don’t even know. He tried, “This way, Monty”, but I was having none of it. I heard him alright … I even looked round for a second or two when he called, but I wanted to run, so I ran. I could see he wasn’t very happy with this and I am not entirely sure it was a great move, but it seemed like it at the time. I just ignored him again! Anyway, when he eventually arrived at the kissing gate (after an absolute eternity!), he put my lead on and we walked back through Tylers Close and Clayton Mead in near silence – apart from him muttering and the occasional bit of praise when I walked nicely or a treat when I did something good like sit at the side of the road before crossing. Well, it was nearly silent anyway! He did say to me at one point, “That’s it, we are going to have to ask Amanda from Happy Buddies for another session to work on my recall”, which I find a bit ironic. He didn’t seem to be saying it in the tone of voice that would suggest it was a treat, but I adore Amanda and I miss her, so getting her back is hardly going to be any hardship!

Early in the afternoon, Alex put my harness and lead on and we went next door. I realised as we got into the drive that we were going out in the car. I was not at all happy about this because it was so hot and, as my regular fans will know, I am not a great fan of the car at the best of times. Anyway, after a bit of coaxing, I got in rather reluctantly. Off we went to Hydro Hounds where I have my hydrotherapy with my personal therapists Emily and Katie. I had an appointment at two thirty and the traffic was terrible to begin with and Alex got a bit worried as to whether we would get there on time, but we did. When we got there and I realised where we were, I realised that it wasn’t so bad. I practically had to drag Alex across the road to get in there because he was worrying about traffic. I am sure that if a car or lorry saw as dog of my stature and handsomeness crossing the road they would have to stop to admire me, but Alex isn’t quite so confident. Anyway, it was only a matter of seconds before I whisked them off to play in my special water treadmill and I forgot all about him and his car for a while.

I actually really like my hydrotherapy sessions. Firstly, I like them because I get to play in water, which I love! As you will have seen earlier, there have been a few incidents with water in the past, but I am positively encouraged in the water at Hydro Hounds. Secondly, my personal therapists Emily and Katie are really nice. They know how to make me happy … and they do. I should mention at this point the slight worry that they had when we arrived for my appointment. I had a small red patch on my left shoulder and they were a bit concerned, particularly knowing that we have the builders in, that it might be blood. They asked Alex about it – “No”, he said, “it isn’t blood, he rolled in a redcurrant and I can’t get the stain out!” Ho hum, it was there and I fancied a roll! Having got this assurance, it was straight in for a dip in the water.

Having finished my session we went back out into the reception area. Alex paid the bill and then it dawned on me … to go home meant another trip in the blinkin’ car and in that heat too! I have to be honest, I didn’t relish the thought so I planted myself on the floor. Alex couldn’t get me to get up (I love winding him up anyway!), Emily tried to coax me with treats but I ignored them too. Eventually Emily came out with a ball and only let me catch it! I was conned! Alex then picked up the ball and I couldn’t resist following him all the way back to the car! I did refuse to get in but Alex went and picked me up and put me in. Sometimes there is just no dog-nity at all! Anyway, the trip back wasn’t so bad because he had already opened all the windows to let it cool down and I quite liked the breeze. When we got home we were only in a few minutes before we were off out again. Alex picked up a food bowl, a water bowl and some food, so I guessed where we were off to … I towed him up the High Street like a freight train! I knew we were off to Zena’s and I wasn’t gonna hang around!

I was right, of course! When we got there I just dropped him like a stone and was straight in. Although I was really excited to see Zena, I was a bit bushed after my hydrotherapy, so I had a little lay down and pushed out a few ????s for a few minutes. It transpired that Alex had a dentist’s appointment at four thirty – he was going to have a tooth taken out which I don’t think he was looking forward to. Now, I should say at this point, I know that my grasp of human(English) might not be as good as a native human, but surely he had this wrong. It’s all in the way you say it. You see, I am quite sure that he should have had his dentist’s appointment at tooth hurty! And I should have had my hydrotherapy appointment at paw fur-ty!

The outcome of his dentist’s appointment and the fact that it was Gardeners’ Club in the evening was that I got to spend some quality time with Zena and then, later, Jake. After my little nap, I spent a bit of quality time with Zena. She knew that I had been for a hydrotherapy session, so I wasn’t supposed to run about too much so I didn’t get my ball to play with, but I still had a fabulous time just chillin’ with her. Simon came home and took some photos for me, so that was good. I do love Zena, but I love playing with Jake too. When he came home from work I had to wait whilst he got changed and then I got to play with him.

Jake doesn’t just love me, he has a cat called Ruby that he loves too. I am not sure how I feel about having to share his love with a cccccat. I am not too fond of cats – I find them a bit frightening. Ruby is definitely a bit frightening and when she first saw me she hissed at me. I was definitely frightened! Jake is really good with us both though and after a while he had put us both at ease and we were OK with each other. I am not sure how he can possibly love a cccccat (I still find it quite frightening to say that word!) but I suppose it’s OK. I have looked this up on Fidopedia and the nearest I can come up with is that it is a form of bi-pet-uality where one can be attached to cccccats as well as dogs. I guess I’m just going to have to learn to be loved as part of this three way relationship!

Oh my woof, I’ve been busy again! It is Thursday morning already and the sun is shining. It is definitely going to be another hot one. Dave the electrician and his mate Michael are here today doing some kind of stuff that involves lots and lots of talking and bits of wire. I am not really sure what they are doing, but Alex says he will be really pleased when he has lights in the kitchen again and some power sockets to use. I think they’ll be here for most of the day which is probably good … although, frankly, I don’t really know. Alex says his Mum is coming to visit this afternoon which will be nice. I haven’t met her yet because she lives a very long way away. She has to get three trains to get here and it takes quite a few hours. (I have looked up trains on Fidopedia and they are a bit like cars but much, much bigger and they travel on things called railways. I don’t think I would like them very much!) Alex’s Mum is 85 years old, that would be 892½ in doggy years, which is quite old! I will have to be very gentle with her. Anyway, I think I had better take Alex out for a walk before it gets too hot, so  for now, must paws … ????