I met Auntie Sandie!

I have to be honest, I was really quite excited about meeting Auntie Sandie. I knew she’d be luvely and I knew I’d like her. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I was when the doorbell went and there she was! I ran round and round in circles, jumped on every piece of furniture I could jump on and ran around everywhere. At first I couldn’t find a present to take to her but it was all right in the end because I found one of his shoes that I’ve been trying to destroy, so I took that to her. We had only just sat down when Auntie Sandie gave me a new toy! It’s a luvely big pink ball. It’s not soft like a tennis ball but hard plastic with holes in it so that I can get a really good grip with my teeth and, when it rolls, it makes all sorts of weird squeeky sounds. It’s bwwilliant! Since Auntie Sandie came to meet me, I haven’t really found the need for another toy. If my jaws need a bit of a rest I go and chew on his shoe but that’s about it. We had a really good day. I took Auntie Sandie on my usual patrol of the village, along Salisbury Road, up Oxted Road, along Church Lane and down Bay Pond Path before returning via the High Street. I showed her how clever I am when I run off lead and I demonstrated where I usually stop for an epic poo! I didn’t want to shock her too much so I kept it to a two bagger! Unfortunately, they came along too so I didn’t get her completely to myself but it was still fab!

Later on in the day, just before they had lunch, (I had to have a quick woof with Auntie Sandie to warn her about his disastrous attempts to ruin food by ‘cooking’ it but she put up with it anyway!), we all went out for another walk and I showed her my Green Lane route. It was bwilliant! I showed how fast I can run and how clever I am at sniffing things out. Obviously, she already knew that I am the handsomest dog in dogdom but now she also knows I am the cleverest and very nearly the fastest too. We had a fabulous day and it even gave them a chance to catch up which was nice … apparently. Frankly, if it isn’t all about me then I’m not really interested. I don’t mean to sound selfish or anything but, quite frankly, there isn’t much in the world that is more interesting than me … other than, food of course, oh and snacks, oh and treats, oh and balls and a few other things that I honestly can’t think of right now. I’ll tell you what, you can tell they were expecting visitors – I actually saw him hoovering before Auntie Sandie arrived … and on a Tuesday too!!!! Mind you, it won’t come as much of a surprise that he was moaning … about dog hairs for goodness sake! What does he expect? I’m a dog!

On the day before I met Auntie Sandie … ooh, I’ve just had a really brilliant idea for a film ‘When Monty met Sandie’! Anyway, I may have to return to that at some point but, for the time being, where was I? Oh yes, the day before I met Auntie Sandie. Well, I was having a bit of a Doogle to see if there was anywhere different that I could go for a walk. I mean, I love my walks but sometimes a bit of variety is just what’s needed. Well, I found a place called ‘Birchden Wood’ that sounded rather luvely to visit. It mean a trip in the car thingy but, on balance, I decided it was worth it. So, off we went to Birchden Wood. It is near to a place called Groombridge which turned out to be about half an hour’s drive away. On the way there I sat up in the car thingy and looked out of the back at all the other humans who have car thingys. I don’t think half the journeys they make in them are necessary but I guess they simply don’t have the stamina of a doggie like me. When we arrived at the wood I was so excited, I tried to drag them (well him really) straight off into the wood to explore. Apparently, they had to pay for parking first, so by the time we actually got into the wood, I was bursting with energy … well and bursting if I’m honest!

Relieved (in more ways than one) I discovered that it was quite safe for me to run around off lead, so I did. There were some fairly unfamiliar noises in the wood though and there’s a lot of echo sounds so I did keep fairly close to them. It’s not that I was frightened or anything (obviously because I am the bravest dog in dogdom!) but I was more thinking of them. I mean, I didn’t want them getting frightened and running off somewhere … I needed the car thingy to get home! I did have a lovely time in the wood and I did manage to run just about everywhere I wanted to. To be honest, by the time I got home I was completely cream crackered and glad to get the opportunity to push out a few 💤s. Obviously I didn’t let them know that but I think I got away with it without them noticing! Actually, talking of getting away with things without them noticing, I appear to have managed to pick up a load more toys and distribute them around the house without them noticing. After I had my Monty training with Martin the Monty Trainer, all toys were rationed but I’ve snuck in a few more recently and I don’t think they’ve noticed!

There really haven’t been too many incidents of late worth reporting. I did get into a bit of twubble last night but it wasn’t my fault! They spent all day yesterday ‘building the Godstone Gardeners’ Club show website’. I don’t know what that means but they were both at it with Daddy Richard extracting photos from emails that had been sent in for the show and then him building pages and putting the photos on them so that people could vote for them. It all seemed very unnecessary to me since none of it was about me. Anyone can vote on the photos and then there’ll be winners next Saturday with the most votes or something. If any of my loyal fans are the remotest bit interested, you can click here to find out all about it. Anyway, because it had been a bit of a long day, they decided not to cook dinner and to have a takeaway. They had an Indian meal (quelle surprise!) or what they call an ‘English Indian’ because they say that most ‘English Indian’ meals bear no resemblance to a real Indian meal. He had a balti dish (which was apparently invented in Birmingham which even I know isn’t in India!) and it came with a ‘Naan Bread’ (which he claims isn’t as good as his, but that can’t be right!) which was in a bag to keep it warm. How was I supposed to know that he didn’t want it stolen and ripped into hundreds of pieces? That was hardly my fault now was it? You should have heard it (or maybe better not!) when he was picking up all the pieces!

Although talking of interesting, I did a bit of Doogling after my trip to Birchden Wood to see if I could find out a bit more. Fidopedia came to the rescue! On Fidopedia I learned that as far back as the Neolithic Period around 4300-1400BC (that’s even older than Uncle Don!) farmers used to take their pigs to the woods in the winter to fatten them up on acorns and birch mast. The process is called pannage. (Mast is mast is considered the edible vegetative or reproductive parts produced by woody species of plants according to Fidopedia – I’ll bet you never thought you’d learn that on my Glog!) Their temporary camps were called ‘Dens’ and that is how Birch-den got it’s name of Birchden Wood. Doomsday records show that in 1086AC when pannage was past its peak, around 150,000 pigs would have been driven to the woods for pannage. Now that’s a lot of sausages!!!! 😉 I quite like exploring new places, although I get quite frustrated when they don’t seem to have the urgency to actually run off and explore. Humans are a funny species! He found the photo on the left on the Tinternet or whatever it is they call their vastly inferior version of the SuperDooperWhooper Highway that we have in the doggie world. They’re still using copper wire and fibre optic cables … we’re way past that point! One woof and you’ve got everything at your paw tips! Anyway, he seems to think it’s funny. Personally I find it utterly insulting! Have no fear though, he will pay for this, I’ll get him back! I nearly did the other day when I produced a jolly good three bagger and he only had two bags. Someone else walking a doggie gave him the bag he needed but there’s always the next time! Actually, talking of walks, I haven’t been out for a walk for ages and ages. It must be at least three hours! So, with that, all I can say is … must paws … 🐾