Unusual though it is, I have a bit of a complaint. Let me start at the end … this morning I was resting my eyes at my Country Retreat when Freya came along so I naturally assumed I was going for a walk. Whilst this may have appeared slightly unusual as I hadn’t been back long, I am not one to turn a walk down so I jumped up quite excitedly. That was when I noticed … them! You see, last Monday I knew something was going on. I went out for my morning constitutional as usual but then, just after lunch (well, they had lunch I merely had a couple of treats), Daddy Richard slipped my lead on and we went out. I knew something was up. Firstly, no harness, just a lead on my collar, secondly he didn’t come which almost certainly meant there was a plot, and thirdly we only went around Salisbury Road, Court Road and back up the High Street which meant that something was definitely up. When we got back it turned out that he had packed the car up with my food, my toys (well a couple of them … I do have quite a few!), my medicine, even my Monty meat for giving me my medicine. I was bundled in without so much as a bye or leave. It turned out that they were taking me to my country retreat. So I think I have every right to complain!
Now don’t misunderstand me, I rather like my country retreat. I get my own personal executive suite, my host, Freya, is lovely and I get to go on some rather spectacular walks – but it would have been nice to have been consulted! Not that I knew this at the time, but it transpires that Grandma was coming down and they were going away somewhere even further than Reigate Hill. Anyway, back to this morning … so there I am, fully expecting to go for a walk and they are standing there. No way was I going to show them that I could even be bothered to acknowledge them after they had gone off without one woof of consultation. OK, so I may have wagged my tail quite a bit … but I don’t think they noticed. Oh, and I might have bounced around a bit … but I think I got away with it. Oh, and I might have kept running from one to another for cuddles … but I don’t think they noticed. I reckon that the only thing that might have possibly appeared to have possibly, maybe, given the slight impression that I might have been pleased to see them is when I dragged him up the drive towards the car thingy and then tried to jump straight in the back. I didn’t actually manage it though and only got my front legs in, so I reckon they won’t have noticed.
It turns out – not that I am the slightest bit interested – that Grandma, Daddy Richard and him had been to this place called Spain. I don’t want them to notice it but I did Doogle it and it is a flamin long way away and it’s pretty hot too. Apparently they went by train! So, Grandma went to Spain by train and didn’t even see some rain! (Did you see what I did there? Rhyming and everything!) Anyway, it sounds like they had a good time (not that I care) apart from the journey home. As usual he was moaning this morning … something to do with the “Blinkin’ French are only capable of two things … rioting and striking.” It turns out that the French were doing one of those yesterday. The staff from the railways were striking. They did know that before they went but apparently he checked all the trains for their return journey the day before they came home and everything looked fine. Mind you, you know what he’s like … who knows what he checked and how.
They started their journey at 7.30 in the morning when they left the hotel and got a train from Sitges to Barcelona. Apparently when they got to Barcelona the train to Paris was cancelled. They managed to get on another one in the early afternoon but that meant they had to kill several hours with luggage before they could get their train which then didn’t get into Paris until 8 o’clock in the evening. It then turned out that the striking French weren’t running any trains between stations so they had to get a taxi from Gare de Lyon to Gare du Nord. Then they just made it to the last train of the evening to Arras where they car was parked. Their tickets weren’t valid because they were for an earlier train but the nice man let them on (the only good thing he had to say about the French!). When they got to Arras it was quarter to ten, they got in the car and dashed up the A26 to Calais (I have no idea where any of these places are but I can’t be bothered to Doogle them … I’m just relating what happened) then, when they got to Calais at 11 o’clock in the evening there was a train scheduled for 11:35, so they got through check-in and into the queue for passport control on the British side (he was moaning about how long it takes to get into his own flamin country) and then this bucking German (I don’t know what a bucking German is, but that’s definitely what it sounded like) decided that he was going to have a lovely long chat with the man on passport control after he had got his passports back and that meant that they (Grandma, Daddy Richard and him) missed the 11:35 train by 1 minute. They had to wait for the next train which wasn’t until five to one in the morning which meant that by the time they got home it was almost quarter to three. This made it a very long day and was why he was moaning this morning about being tired … like I care!
So, you see, I’ve spent the majority of my week at my Country Retreat in my executive suite. It turns out that this wasn’t the week I get to go and see my friend Charlie in France, but he keeps saying that it will be in the next couple of weeks, so I remain hopeful. Before they went off on their trip the weather took a bit of a turn for the better. I noticed when I was wandering down Bay Pond that the Canada geese have some goslings (they had three but sadly they appear to now be down to one) but the swans have disappeared, I haven’t seen them in days. With the weather turning better, the walks do seem much nicer. He has returned to using a double ended lead which he did try before to stop me pulling too much. When he tried it before he didn’t seem to get the results he wanted (I carried on pulling like a freight train) but he has decided to try again.
I think I may have mentioned this in passing previously, but he isn’t all that bright … about as dim as a Spanish restaurant with the lights turned out at midnight, if you get my gist! Anyway, this double ended lead thing seems to have given him the idea that I will stop pulling. It doesn’t, of course, but I have found that if I pull I end up going round in circles which is a bit frustrating. Anyway, I’ll let him think that he’s winning a bit before I educate him that another of his attempts to stop me pulling like a freight train has failed! I must say that I have noticed a lot of cut grass since I went away. As some of my regular fans will know, I’m a little partial to a bit of cut grass. I rather like a roll around in the cut grass – there’s something about the smell and something about the jeopardy of never quite knowing if there is something else underneath that I might roll in! Apparently, in the world according to him there are good places and bad places for having a jolly good roll. The edge of pavements, the side of the road, his vegetable beds are all places that, according to him are not good places. Personally, I think all places are good places for rolling in, but it just causes yet more moaning from him.
And so, here I am, back at home. Things have returned to normal pretty quickly. When we got home we went for a walk – actually, it was quite a fun walk and I got lots of treats too. The weather was lovely and the pavements were clear, so it was really rather nice. Apparently there has been some Royal wedding or something happening today and that has meant that everywhere has been pretty quiet. I’m not sure I entirely understand the Royal wedding thing … it seems that some ginger bloke married some American actress and, although he isn’t ever going to be King (unlike Uncle Don who still thinks he’s in with a chance!), it was Royal wedding. Lots of people went out on the streets dressed up in Union Jacks or waving them, everyone felt pretty good about life and were all very happy. The ginger chap looked really quite handsome in his uniform and the girl he was marrying looked stunning. Anyone who was anyone turned up to the wedding and lots of people cheered. Some bloke from America went on a bit during the service about fire or something, but nobody seemed to mind. Apart from that, I notice that quite a few of my favourite treat suppliers are giving discounts in honour of the Royal wedding. I don’t really understand all this human stuff, but I think we should have a Royal wedding every day!
Now I have to be honest, all that activity in my executive suite at my country retreat, all this activity today … not letting them know the I was secretly pleased to see them … my walks, the amount of catching up I have had to do with messages around the village, have all crept up on me a bit. He has been practicing that cooking thing again … apparently he wants to get Grandma to eat ‘Chicken Satay’. I have checked on Doogle and that is definitely a Malaysian dish. Since Grandma doesn’t even like half the food that is available in England, I can’t see how he is going to get her to eat something from Malaysia … good luck with that is what I say! Daddy Richard took to his bed this afternoon for a bit of a siesta, but that is hardly surprising really. After all, he only had 5 hours sleep last night … oh I know he did too, but there are things to be done and they won’t get done on their own. I’m sure I heard a rumour today that he’s going back to Spain next week. Nah! Can’t be true surely. Mind you, if I heard right he’s only going for a day to somewhere called Madrid to some form of conference (we don’t have conferences in the doggy world … just barkathons!). I must say, that if I didn’t know better, I’d say he is barking mad! Oh, and for those of you wondering what ‘Bienvenido a casa’ means, my Spanish friends will tell you … “Welcome home!”. So, that’s it for now. I’m going to spend the evening pushing out some quality ????s so, for now, must paws … ????
