Flamin’ Lockdown!

It is now six weeks since this flamin’ lockdown began. Six weeks! Now don’t misunderstand me, there are many who are worse off than me, but I’m not happy about it. I don’t get the same number of walks each day that I deserve and I don’t see all my friends and my aunties and uncles. They all (well most!) seem to be practicing ‘social distancing’ anyway at the moment so I even when we do see someone we know it is all rather strange because they seem to stand miles apart and then have a conversation. To be honest, the conversation isn’t all that interesting either. It usually starts with, “Are you well?” … although the interesting thing about that is that they actually mean it! Under normal (what’s normal?) circumstances when humans ask each other, “How are you?”, the very last thing they want is to hear an answer! Then the conversation usually follows with, “Are you staying safe?”. I don’t know many humans who would deliberately put themselves in an unsafe position! The conversation usually then descends into some boring stuff about Coronavirus and when will the lockdown end and then they drone on (well he does!) about not being able to get bread or – how’s this for a first world problem? – not being able to find Nigella seeds! I mean, talk about ridiculous!

I did have a couple of nice messages from my aunties and uncles recenltly though. I had a nice message from Auntie Rosemary and Uncle Tony and also Uncle Iain. Uncle Don popped up on something that humans call ‘FaceTime’ the other day – from what I could gather it is a rather inferior attempt at copying MuzzleTime that is clearly nothing like as good! It was nice to see Uncle Don but he couldn’t even reach through the screen to give me a present! If it was MuzzleTime that is just basic technology! This whole lockdown thing is more than a little frustrating. I think I’ve mentioned previously how quiet the roads have been. They still are a lot quieter than usual but I have noticed a definite increase in traffic recently. It isn’t just that. When we go out we have to ‘socially distance’ from other humans and, although I don’t really understand what that is, I am getting to sniff a lot fewer bottoms of late!

Talking of sniffing, I had complaints again! Honestly, there are some days when you just can’t do anything right! We were out for a walk the other day and I had just stopped off for a constitutional two bagger and we were on our way towards the corner of Flower Lane and Oxted Road (did you know there are no poo bag bins all the way from Salisbury Road until you reach that corner!) and we passed some people coming the other way. They did their ‘social distancing’ bit but then the lady (well, I have some reason to doubt that by her comments!) said, “Blimey! That stinks!” I found that to be rather indelicate but do you know what his response was? “Huh! You think that’s bad? You should smell it on a bad day! And imagine what it would be like if we weren’t social distancing!” Flamin’ cheek!!! I don’t know how he dare say such a thing!

So, we appear to be having to get used to the ‘new normal’ as these humans keep referring to it. I don’t really know what the new normal is going to be but I’ve seen a few things when I’ve been doing a bit of Doogling and researching stuff on Fidopedia. I’ve seen, for example, that humans are having to learn to work from home. That’s not a bad thing but it does beg the question, why would they ever go back to working in these big expensive offices and all the commuting and hassle again? If I was an office owner I’d be pretty worried right now! And what about all that commuting? There is over 50% less Nitrogen Oxides in the air with the reduction of traffic both on the ground and in the air. With all the campaigning that was going on before all this happened with ‘Extinction Rebellion’ and all the other climate change protestations, will we ever revert to the kind of traffic levels and the amount of air travel of before? Even all those ‘conferences’ (I never really did believe he went and did anything useful at these events … I’m sure it was just a holiday even though he used to claim they were exceedingly tiring and that he saw very little of everywhere he went!) that have been cancelled this year are finding ways to go ‘online’. Why would they ever return to all that travel, the hotel costs, the catering costs and the cost of paying someone like him to turn up? The ‘new normal’ is going to be anything but ‘normal’ as we used to know it!

Anyway all this philosophical thinking is way beyond what I should be expected to do – I’m a dog! Well, when I say I’m a dog … I am the handsomest, cleverest, fastest, everything else ist in dogdom, I am not just a dog! So, life goes on. We go for some walks, although not as many as I would like. I get to spend more time with them … Daddy Richard is alright but I don’t know what I did to deserve him! He continues to do that cooking thing that he does – I still don’t think he’s any good at it but the amount of practice he puts in can be quite beneficial. He has cooked ‘Agra Ginger Chicken’ (recipe here!) for tonight’s ‘Saturday Night Takeaway’ (it’s where he cooks for several other unfortunate households that suffer his dreadful Indian … mainly … meals!). That did have a benefit … he used twenty chicken thighs and guess who got to eat the skins which weren’t needed and which he hadn’t had time to ruin! Just raw chicken skin … what a delight! Mind you, he’s got to make the naan bread (recipe here) to go with tonight’s dinner yet and I want a walk before that so I’m afraid that, for now, must paws … ?