The Full Monty

Well, another busy week for me. I don’t know how I do it! There have been ups and downs as usual. The weather has been exceptionally good and I have had a lovely time out walking. Of course, as usual, he has been going off pretending to that ‘work’ thing he claims to do. I think it’s just an excuse to go and play with other doggies! There’s Cush and Reggie and Ronnie and Roxy and Radar and goodness knows who else! And he thinks I don’t know!! I do. Mind you, that does mean I have got to spend some quality time with Daddy Richard. Daddy Richard isn’t nearly as miserable as him and I don’t get told off nearly as much either. Talking of getting told off, there have been a couple rather unfortunate incidents. They weren’t my fault but I always seem to get the blame! On Monday he went off in the morning to a new client. When he returned a couple of hours later he had a big pile of papers so, whilst they both went off to Auntie Sue’s house to see a man about Uncle Malc’s funeral, I decided that I should be helpful and re-organise the papers. How was I supposed to know that they were already in the order that he wanted them? It’s hardly my fault! On Monday evening Auntie Sue came for dinner and they had Sambal Oelek chicken with ‘real’ Caesar salad. Well, when I say real, I’m not sure why he thinks that it was ‘real’. You see, there was another ‘incident’ with the Caesar salad. I mean, it really wasn’t my fault. They were eating their dinner and I noticed that there was a bit of salad left so I thought I’d give it a try to see what all the fuss was about. I grabbed a leaf and had a taste. Frankly, I don’t know what all the fuss is about. It didn’t taste particularly good (mind you, with his rubbish cooking I would expect nothing more!) and you’d think I’d committed the crime of the century with all the fuss they made!

On Tuesday he went off to see another client. (For client read Greyhound called Cush!) I spent the day with Daddy Richard and we had a luvely time! Mind you, I did get into a spot of twubble. It wasn’t my fault. You see, I had just produced a two bagger to be proud of and Daddy Richard was picking it up when I’m flamin’ sure I spotted a wabbit! I ran off and found a hole in the fence to chase the wabbit. I ran as fast as I can possibly run and, as my regular fans will know, I am the fastest dog in dogdom (nearly!) but I couldn’t catch it. When Daddy Richard tried to call me back, I was just too busy looking for the wabbit and Daddy Richard shouted at me. He wasn’t very pleased but it was hardly my fault was it? I mean … wabbit/behave wabbit/behave … it isn’t even a fair choice is it? I mean, wabbit wins every time! When he eventually reappeared in the evening I was already out for my evening walk with Daddy Richard. We were just on our way back when he appeared. I thought I was pleased to see him but when I got to him (I had to properly drag Daddy Richard up the road!) what did I discover? Eau de flamin’ Cush! Had he missed me? Not a flamin’ bit of it. He’d been playin’ away again with flamin’ Cush!

Wednesday was pretty much a repeat of Tuesday. Mind you, I had to look after the house all on my own for ages and ages. We went out for our morning walk much earlier than usual and then they both went off to one of their ‘meetings’. They were gone for hours and hours (well, actually I’m not sure how long but it seemed like it) before Daddy Richard eventually came home. He didn’t reappear until the evening again and this time what did he smell of? Eau de flamin’ Reggie, Ronnie, Roxy and Radar! Auntie Sue came for dinner and I got nowhere near it. Pork chops, beans and chips – not a thing that I could get my lips around! That said, I have now got Daddy Richard very well trained and I pretty much always get his plate to lick after they’ve had their dinner. He is a bit more of a problem but I’m working on it. I love it when Auntie Sue comes because she makes a fuss of me and I always take her a present. She did described my orange chew as something quite rude. I had to look on Doogle to find out what the word means and when I found out it made me blush!

On Thursday he got up really early (and woke me up!) so that he could do one of his ‘conference calls’. He spent ages on the jellybone thing, so I went out for my morning walk when Daddy Richard got up and left him to it. When we came back from our walk he was still on his call. I decided that, since he’d got me up so early, I’d lay down in his study and catch up on the ????s I had missed out on. He only flamin’ complained that I was making too much noise snoring! How dare he! Flamin’ cheek!! He eventually finished his call and went straight out to yet another client. The only good thing about wherever he went on Thursday morning, he didn’t come back smelling of another dog! Actually, he didn’t come back in the morning. In the early afternoon Daddy Richard got his car thingy out – I don’t often go out in Daddy Richard’s car thingy and, when I do, it is generally to somewhere nice like Nana and Grandad’s or somewhere like that so when he put my lead on, I was quite happy to jump into his car thingy. It turned out we were going to Hydro Hounds and my personal therapists Emily, Katie and Sarah. When we got there I was quite surprised to discover that he was waiting for us when we parked Daddy Richard’s car thingy.

It turns out that he’d been having treatment on the slipped disc in his neck – which he blames me for! Anyway, I had my wimming session with my personal therapists Katie, Emily and Sarah … I don’t allow them to come into my wimming session so they have to find something to do whilst I’m there. I don’t know what they do and, frankly, I don’t really care that much because I’m having fun with my personal therapists and they give me loads of treats too! After my wimming session was finished, I was ready to go home again but, instead of going in Daddy Richard’s car thingy I went home in his car thingy. There is a bit more room for me to move around in his car thingy and I suppose I don’t actually mind it as much nowadays. Mind you, if I hear them plotting (as they often do), I sometimes run upstairs and hide so they can’t find me! We got home and I was absolutely cream cracked so I lay down and pushed out a few more ????s. I only really woke up when I realised it was time for my early evening walk that always precedes dinner!

On Friday he went off to yet another client and I stayed at home with Daddy Richard. A little later in the morning Auntie Sue came down to help Daddy Richard with some of the work that he is doing. She also did a fantastic job of getting some of the clients that hadn’t paid their bills to pay them! I had a lovely time with them both and we went for a lovely walk at lunchtime down to The Green where I had a lovely run around. Oh, I did get into a spot of twubble but it wasn’t my fault. As I was running around I spotted a family having a picnic on the other side of The Green. I popped over to see what they were eating and discovered that one of the children hadn’t eaten all of his rolls. It seemed rude to just let it sit there, so I pinched it and gulped it down! Apparently it isn’t the thing to do to pinch someone else’s picnic. How was I supposed to know! It wasn’t all that nice anyway so I was probably doing him a favour! Auntie Sue had popped into the doctor’s surgery and when she came out and we were going home Daddy Richard told her about it and she thought it was quite funny!

Saturday was quite a good day. Not only did we go out on a couple of really good walks, but I even got to go to Hilly Fields! We didn’t go on our usual route though and we walked down past Auntie Fran and Uncle Iain’s house which I assumed we were going to and so I went to go in through their gate. It turned out we weren’t going there and so we walked all the way up Bletchingley Road until we got to the footpath that takes you up to North Park Farm lane. We walked up the foot path and then from North Park Farm lane up the Haul Route to the top of The Hollow. When we turned to go down The Hollow I realised where we were going and I tried to pull really hard. He slipped and ended up falling flat on his backside. I laughed and laughed! He got up and as soon as we were past the style, he let me off the lead and I ran all the way down to Hilly Fields. I had a fantastic time and when I got to Hilly Fields I ran everywhere! It was brilliant! I really didn’t want to go home afterwards but it turned out that they were going out to dinner at Auntie Fran and Uncle Iain’s house with Auntie Sue so we had to go home. I stayed at home and looked after the house – I’m good at that nowadays!

This morning, Uncle Bren and Auntie Cathy will be pleased to know, the weather has taken a distinct turn for the worse. It was cold, windy and rainy when we went out. Apparently there is a storm coming and it’s going to be very windy and wet. There’s a lot of talk on PoochTome about ‘Storm Freya’ and apparently people are worried that there could even be structural damage although I don’t think that’s going to happen here. Mind you, the bad news is that I have just had a message on Whatsyap and I see that it is going to rain for the next two hours so my chances of getting a walk in are pretty slim. It has certainly got very dark. Not only is it wet and miserable outside but Daddy Richard has gone off for one of his ‘snoozes’ and I’m left with him for entertainment which, frankly, there isn’t a lot of! I think he’s about to get some chicken out to create a marinade for tonight’s dinner (curry again!) which usually means that, if there are any offcuts, I get them. I’m going to have to concentrate on that though so, for now, must paws … ????