Blimey its hot! As I sit here, putting paw to keyboard once more, it is already about 28 degrees and I’m in the Channel Tunnel! We had to move carriages because the one we were originally in had no air conditioning – I don’t think this one is much better! Yesterday was even hotter with the car thingy reporting that it was 29.5 degrees at one point! Anyway, where am I … oh yes, I’m on my ‘olidays. You see, it’s like this – he has been promising that we would go and see my friend Charlie in France for months and months and months. Finally, I persuaded him to do it. Well, actually, I persuaded Daddy Richard to do it and he had to follow. We have just left our ‘oliday retreat in a place called Fort Mahon-Plage, although we may be home before you get to read this as we are already in the tunnel. The ‘oliday retreat is, in fact, a mobile home on a mobile home park in Fort Mahon-Plage. It is basic, but OK. Although if I am to be totally honest, he has done nothing but moan about the flamin’ bed and how uncomfortable it is. I, alternatively, have found the vinyl floors to be relatively cooling in this hot weather, so I think it is pretty darned good.
After a relatively uneventful week, we left for France on Saturday. To be honest, it was always going to be an uneventful week because he flounced off on Tuesday evening to Madrid. Since he was in Barcelona last week, you would have thought he might have worked out that they are both in Spain. Admittedly, he came back on Wednesday evening but you would have thought he would have been desperate to see me, but no, he went straight from the airport to a Parish Council meeting … and he isn’t even anything to do with the Parish Council! Sometimes I do wonder about him and his priorities. Apparently he was in Madrid to speak at a conference or something – I’m not exactly sure what a conference is … we only have barkathons in the Doggy world, but I’m sure as heck not going to waste my time looking it up on Doogle! Anyway, the other important thing on Wednesday was that it was Uncle Simon’s birthday – he was 50 years old! That’s really ancient, although not as ancient as Uncle Don, but he’s had a bit of a head start! I didn’t see Uncle Simon, or even, Auntie Zena or Jake, but that was because Auntie Zena and Uncle Simon went to London (that’s a long way past Reigate Hill!) to see ‘Phantom’. I’m not really sure I understand that because I did look ‘Phantom’ up on Doogle and it quite clearly says it is a ghost … why would anyone go all the way to London and pay to see a ghost? Honestly, sometimes humans amaze me!
They were supposed to go out with Uncle Simon and Auntie Zena on Friday evening and I was going to get to spend some quality time with my bestest friend Jake, but Uncle Simon and Jake weren’t very well, so we’ve had to postpone it. So, on Saturday morning we got up and I went on my usual morning constitutional. I knew something was up because there was lots of activity when we got back – Saturday mornings are not known for lots of activity in our house! It wasn’t long before I was unceremoniously picked up by Daddy Richard and dumped in the back of the car thingy. I must admit to not being very happy about that … at least, until I realised where we were going. You see, I put 5 and 5 together and worked it out. On Thursday we had popped in to see my personal Doggy Doctor, Michael, and he had given me a working tablet. He seemed a bit worried that I would need a bit of encouragement to swallow it, but how wrong he was … it was edible, so I gulped it down! That should’ve given me a clue but, to be honest, I wasn’t thinking ‘trip abroad’ at the time, I was more thinking ‘food!’, so I didn’t click then.
As we drove down the M26 towards the M20, I began to click. That treat that Michael gave me was actually a worming tablet. All that activity in the morning and a loaded car … we were off to France to see Charlie. It was getting hot in the car though, so they wound all the windows down and gave me a nice cool breeze. When we arrived at the tunnel, I popped into my own personal ‘Flexiplus’ doggy area and they went and got some human food from the new terminal. When they had their food we went back to the car thingy and I positively hopped in all of my own accord. We got onto the train and I decided that the best way to pass the time was to push out a few ????s, so that’s what I did. They ate their human food, upon which the conclusion was that it wasn’t very good. When we got to France we went straight to Boulogne and to Auchan so that he could go in and get some bits they needed and also pick up some wine boxes for Uncle Bren. I had a jolly good wander around outside with Daddy Richard, but by this time it was getting really hot!
Shopping procured, it was straight down to Fort Mahon-Plage and our ‘oliday retreat. By now the temperature had soared and it was hotter than a hot thing on a hot day! We checked in and, because our home was so hot, we retired to the bar and its lovely cool floor. I had a refreshing drink (which I needed) and even he only had an iced tea because it was cool and refreshing (Daddy Richard had a beer, but that’s not unusual!). When the temperature cooled a little we went into Fort Mahon-Plage (it’s about 2 miles away and too far to walk in those temperatures!) and had a look around. It is quite a nice town but it was still so hot and it turns out that I’m not allowed on the beach, so we went home (I knew exactly where we were!) and spent the evening on the terrace. He cooked something called a Fajita (nope, me neither and I’m not looking it up in this weather) and they sat out until it started raining at about 10:30pm. (It appears that this mobile home is not known for its culinary delights – the chopping board was still wrapped and there were virtually no cooking utensils, but they had brought their own wok, knife and utensils!) It didn’t rain for long, but I think the people at our ‘oliday retreat must have been quite busy because they hadn’t turned the beds down and there was no chocolate on the pillow! We eventually retired to what was a very hot night indeed. Apparently they found it very uncomfortable, particularly in combination with the bed which it appears was also uncomfortable! I did find it a very hot night, but the vinyl floor helped keep me cool and I drank lots of water which helped.
On Sunday morning we got up (that’s always a bonus!) and wandered to the nearest Carrefour Contact so that Daddy Richard could buy some more supplies (eggs, tomatoes and bread to go with his bacon that he brought with him). I am not allowed inside the supermarket, so I decided to wait outside with him. Now, I think I may have mentioned this before, but he isn’t all that bright … about as bright as the Eiffel Tower in a power cut, if you get my gist. We were standing outside the supermarket and all these people kept coming up and saying how handsome I am and what a lovely dog I am. I know they were speaking in French but he could have made the effort to agree with them! In the end it was left up to me to look up the compliments in my doggy:human(French) dictionary. Actually, talking of French, I have found that an awful lot of messages I have sniffed have been in French … rather than look every one up in my doggy:human(French) dictionary which takes a very long time, I confess I have been resorting a little to Doogle Translate – I think that humans have a similar, if not far inferior, version on their lesser capable search engine they copied from us and call it Google Transate! When we got home from the supermarket, Daddy Richard cooked up a light snack for himself and a bacon sandwich for him and, having eaten that, we all hopped into the car thingy to go off to a thing called a Brocante.
Brocantes, as far as I can see, are a kind of street sale where everyone tries to sell off the things that nobody would ever want to buy at vastly inflated prices. Every now and again there is something that is actually worth buying and is sold at a reasonable price. That is why virtually the whole of France turns up to each one (every town and village has at least one Brocante a year). You have to park about three hundred million miles away from the Brocante, walk forever to get there and then it is 95% utter rubbish (I was going to say something else then!) but you still have to look at every stall. The one we went to was at a place called Saint Josse which was kind of on the way to Tortefontaine which is where my friend Charlie lives. It was so flamin’ hot though! When I found a particularly cool and muddy ditch to roll in, that didn’t go down well either. As ever he was moaning … something about me turning up filthy to see my friend Charlie – he clearly doesn’t understand that in the doggy world there is no such thing as turning up in a filthy state, it merely adds to the sniffability.
I did mention that Brocantes are largely full of rubbish, well Saint Josse didn’t disappoint today! I mean, with all due respect (I love that saying because the one thing you know is that whatever comes next is not going to be respectful!) what on earth are they thinking of? And they actually bother to drive to these things specially to walk around and look at all the rubbish! And that’s not the worst of it … half of France turns up too! People must have been parked 2 miles away from the village and then they walked in that heat to find that it was all a load of old rubbish. Sometimes humans just amaze me with their stupidity! I was so hot though (not in the good-looking sense, although that is obviously true too … I had one particularly well turned out poodle definitely taking an interest in me!), I mean it wasn’t actually as hot as yesterday and I probably wasn’t panting quite as much, but I did find the need to play my planting game on several occasions when I found cool places to lay down. Actually, I think the funniest was when we were almost back at the car. I found a lovely spot under a tree in a ditch – unfortunately dry – and planted myself firmly on the ground. I laughed my paws off when he had to go and get the car and bring it to me for me to hop into!
Finally, after all the waiting, we left Saint Josse and took the final part of our journey to Tortefontaine to see my friend Charlie. When we got to his house he was waiting for me at the door. The look on his face said everything … “Where on earth have you got to, I’ve been waiting ages!”. I had to explain to him that the tardiness of my arrival was nothing to do with me and that him and Daddy Richard had insisted on going to the brocante in Saint Josse before we went to Charlie’s house. He said that he sometimes goes to brocantes with his Mum and Dad and that you get used to all those piles of rubbish that nobody wants to buy. Charlie says his Mum does sometimes find a bargain and it is worth it then. I reckon Charlie’s Mum has a much better sense of how to find a bargain than Daddy Richard and certainly better than him. Anyway, it was really really good to see Charlie again and we bounced around the garden and had a thoroughly good time! We even got a few treats thrown in, so it was all really good fun. Charlie’s Mum and Dad were really nice and they even took some time out to chat with Daddy Richard and him which was very good of them. I know that humans lead busy lives and, frankly, spending time talking to him should be a deductible event for tax purposes! Having spent a lovely couple of hours playing with Charlie, we got up and it seemed we were about to leave which was a shame.
It turned out that we weren’t leaving though! Charlie’s Dad, Daddy Richard, him, Charlie and me all went off for a walk up the lane. We had only been out of the gate for about a minute when he let me off lead. I didn’t have a lead on for the entire rest of the walk! It was the longest walk I have ever done without a lead and, although there were open fields and although I was tempted once or twice, I didn’t run off at all. He says it was about 1½ miles of walking off lead, which is pretty good I reckon. When we were near to Charlie’s house I did run off a little bit, but I was only showing them that I know what I am doing and I was just waiting at the gate to Charlie’s house when they caught me up. I think this is going to bode well for the future and I might get more walks off lead if I can keep the temptation at bay to practice my escapology skills! Blimey it was hot though. When we got back to Charlie’s house I had a quick drink and then lay down on the lovely tiled floor in his house … it was so cool and comfortable to lay on!
Apparently, Daddy Richard and him are planning another trip to France soon with Nana and Grandad. They had a long chat with Charlie’s Mum and Dad about potential ‘Gites’ that they might rent. Although I must say that I do like my ‘oliday retreat, there are some drawbacks … not least of which is that when the weather is hot like it has been this weekend, it is really difficult for me to find anywhere really cool so that I can get cool (if you see what I mean because obviously I am cool but this is a different kind of cool which means that my temperature is cool and I get that by laying on a surface that is cool which already has a temperature which is cool … blimey and you humans reckon doggy is difficult to understand!!!) and I think that they (Daddy Richard and him) would like to find somewhere with a bit more comfortable bed than they have here. Anyway, the point is that I overheard them talking about ensuring that it was somewhere that I could go too, which means they are definitely planning on taking me with them. That might mean, if I’m really lucky, that I get to see Charlie again when we are in France again. That would be really cool – not the cool like I am or the cool temperature like I wanted to be or the cool floor that I could lay on but another kind of cool altogether … oh blimey, this is too much for a dog of my caliber – I give up!
And so, last night we all went out for muscles and chips – well I didn’t have muscles and chips, but they did. I did get a few treats though for sitting nicely at the table. It was actually the first time I have ever been to a restaurant (you can’t do it very much in England) and I was very well behaved, even if I do say so myself. Apparently, according to them, they were some of the best muscles and chips that they have ever had. And we didn’t even go to St Valery sur Somme. We went to Fort Mahon-Plage to the Casino and they were blinkin’ lovely apparently. Mind you, and this is a first, even Daddy Richard couldn’t finish them there were so many! It was a funny old evening, there were thunderstorms all around us, but we never actually got one. It did rain for about 2 minutes and that was that. Eventually, we retired to bed – me for another night on the relatively cool (not like me, or … oh never mind!) floor and them on the uncomfortable bed. I think they did have a bit better night last night, although if I am totally honest, that bottle of wine you can just see in the photograph may have had something to do with it!
This morning I dined ‘al fresco’ as Daddy Richard and him prepared for our departure. We then departed for the channel tunnel … via a place called Douriez because he wanted to buy some bread to take home (he really does have the strangest of ideas sometimes!). The journey to the tunnel was about 2 hours in the end, but I didn’t mind. Actually, I have found that with the windows of the car open and the wind blowing through my hair, I don’t have a huge problem with the car thingy. OK, I would rather not use it, but if I have to then I may as well embrace it. When we got to the tunnel I had a jolly good walk around in my own personal exercise area before we got onto the train to head for good old Blighty. I say good old Blighty, but actually I have had a really good time in France. I have seen and sniffed some really good things and I have seen my friend Charlie which I really enjoyed. If they are planning another trip to France, I am going to look forward to it. For now though, as we travel under the sea on our way home, must paws … ????
