Oh my woof it has been cold!

I should start this little update with a complaint. Now I am not one to complain but I’m afraid on this occasion I have no choice! You see, it was him again. Having had a lovely weekend with my Auntie Jo and Grandma, last Sunday evening I was shoved in the car thingy and Daddy Richard, him and myself went off to Oxted where we went to see my friend Tamsin from Doodledooz Dog Walking. Tamsin has two lovely doggies called Eddie and Ruby so when I get there I popped out into the garden for a quick run around with them. When I went back inside they were gone! No sign of them what-so-ever! Now I know he can be a bit of an encumbrance and, as I may have mentioned in the past, he isn’t always (or ever) that bright … has the IQ of a salad, if you get my drift! But this was a step too far! Abandoning me without even saying goodbye! I mean, he didn’t tell me when he’d be back, not a word about dinner … do I wait for him or not? … not even a mention of when we might go for a walk. It really isn’t good enough! Anyway, it soon became apparent that he wasn’t going to come back on Sunday evening, so I settled in with my friends.

Well, they didn’t even bother coming back on Monday! I mean, it would have been nice if they had at least had the decency to tell me something before they just went off and left me. Don’t get me wrong, I had a lovely time and it was quite a relief to get a bit of a break from him but for goodness sake – a little bit of communication would have been nice. On Monday I had a whole new experience … snow. I have tried to Doogle snow but although there is lots of stuff on the Tinternet about people being snowed in and roads being closed due to snow and stuff, there is very little that tells me what snow is. Anyway, it is sort of white and fluffy and a bit wet and jolly cold. When I say jolly cold, I really mean jolly cold! I don’t think I remember it being that cold in all my days! Anyway, we all went out for a walk in the snow (Eddie, Ruby, me and some other dogs too) and it was jolly good fun. I discovered that snow doesn’t smell of much and that it tastes a bit like water but not as liquid, if you know what I mean. I soon discovered to avoid yellow snow at all costs – that doesn’t taste very nice at all! I think I quite like the snow – I can poke my nose right into it and have a jolly good root around for anything I want and nobody can actually see what I’m going. I end up with little bits of snow all over my face and up my nose which is quite fun too! So Monday was a day of new experiences, but no sign of them again.

By Tuesday evening things had gone too far in my opinion. Still now sign of either of them … I might have expected this of him but not of Daddy Richard too. Don’t misunderstand me, I was having a lovely time playing with all these other doggies … and particularly Eddie and Ruby … but I was beginning to get a bit homesick. I mean, I liked going on exciting walks and I loved playing with all the other doggies, but I was beginning to find it a bit overwhelming. I sort of might have snapped a bit at Tamsin which, as all of my fans will know, is not in my nature. I didn’t mean it, but I was just feeling a bit homesick, a bit overwhelmed and a bit miffed (to say the least) that I hadn’t seen sight nor sound of Daddy Richard or him for a whole two days! I did notice that Tamsin was talking to the jellybone thing that humans do sometimes – usually it is him on one of his dreaded conference calls that don’t even involve me at all, but this was different. I am not sure who she was talking to, but I could swear that I heard Daddy Richard’s voice somewhere! Anyway, there did seem to be some concern about me being a bit defensive and I could definitely feel the vibe that not all was well. I think Tamsin was talking to Daddy Richard because it happened a few times over the time I was there and I’m sure I heard his voice. Anyway, eventually, on Friday(!) (yes, five days after they had abandoned me!) they finally turned up. I could sense they were about to arrive and I actually got quite excited until I remembered how cross I was with them!

And boy, was I cross! I mean, abandoning me like that without even telling me what they were up to! I expect better! After I got over my initial excitement at seeing them, we got in the car thingy and went home. I was really very cross with them both – I decided to show them just how cross I was so I started walking up to them as if I was walking up for a cuddle and then, at the last moment I threw my head in the air and walked off in the opposite direction – that showed them! I have actually managed to maintain my air of disdain pretty much all weekend. There was one bright side to my Friday though – we hadn’t been home all that long and the doorbell went … it was only Auntie Zena, Uncle Simon and my friend Jake!! They stayed for quite a while and I had a lovely time playing with Jake. Whilst I played with Jake they seemed to be imbibing in something that they described as ‘electric soup’. I don’t know what that is – and no amount of Doogling has helped – but I think that he had just a little too much of it because he went to bed very early and he didn’t half snore! During the evening I did make a discovery … they had been away on a course. I have looked this up and have discovered that sometimes humans go off somewhere special to learn about something. I don’t know why they feel this necessity because for me, every day is a learning day! They had to go somewhere called Leicester which is way past Reigate Hill, so I don’t plan on ever going there and I can sort of understand why they couldn’t come home every evening – but don’t tell them that!

According to him they stayed in the same hotel as he and Uncle Don did over 20 years ago when they worked together. Apparently it was called a ‘Post House’ then (nope, me neither and I can’t be bothered to Doogle it!) but it is now called a ‘Premier Inn’ but he says that the only thing that has changed is that they’ve painted the walls purple and that they haven’t done that very well! I don’t think he enjoyed it much, so I’m glad about that. On Saturday morning we walked up Bay Pond path and imagine my surprise to discover one of the swans actually standing on the pond. I knew that swans were pretty special, but I didn’t know they could walk on water! It transpires that this is called ‘ice’ (mine usually comes in cubes but apparently you get get it in sheets too) and when it is really cold the water freezes over so that all the birds have to sit on top of it instead of being in the water. That just goes to show how cold it has been.

During our walk on Saturday morning I decided that laying down in the snow might be quite fun. I tried to have a taste of it too, but I really couldn’t get a lot of flavour from it. The other thing I noticed is that this snow stuff is flamin’ cold. I didn’t lay down for long because it was just too cold. When we got home from our walk he got a towel out and gave me a jolly good rub down which was rather nice and soon got me warm again. On or way home we bumped into Auntie Jean and that was nice – she actually made a fuss of me and asked me how I was doing … more than you’ll ever get out of him. She asked whether I was going to leave a present for Auntie Angela on her doorstep but he was just a little too quick to explain that I had already done that on the way up Bay Pond path! Actually, I had left a pretty spectacular two bagger on the way past – I must say that things are much better in that department, although he still complains about the aroma. He actually had the audacity to suggest “you need a pretty strong stomach to deal with his back end” – it turned out that “his back end” was mine! How very dare he!

And so, here I am back at home and safe and sound. We’ve been out a couple of times already today and, as the snow has begun to melt, I have found that everything is just a little bit wet. He has had to towel me dry already when we got back from our walk this morning and then we went to visit Nana and Grandad and Grandad had to towel me dry there too. I must say that by the time we got there I was pretty bushed. All this being cross, running around in the snow and generally being the most handsome and intelligent doggy in the whole of dogdom is pretty tiring! I decided that pushing out a few ????s was in order whilst they drank tea (makes a flamin’ change if you ask me!) and talked about somewhere called India. Apparently Nana and Grandad are going there tomorrow and it’s a really long way away. I wasn’t listening all that closely as I was pushing out ????s but apparently in order to get there they have to get a virgin or something … and when they get there they have to try and avoid getting ‘Delhi belly’ whatever that is.

Apparently, he had been into a shop and bought something called ‘Imodium’. (I have looked this up and discovered it is a treatment for when one’s stomach gets a little loose, if you get my meaning). He had two packs on this stuff and when he went to the counter to pay for it they lady said, “Blimey, it must be bad!”. He explained it was for ‘India’ (I’m confused, I thought that India was a place not a dose of the trots!) and she then said, “Good planning!”. The thing that I’m not quite sure about is why was he buying this stuff? Nana and Grandad are going to India tomorrow, not him. Oh well, I don’t know … let’s face it, he does some very odd things sometimes, so who knows what that’s all about! Frankly, I think that now I understand on thing about them both … I’ll never understand them both! I think now is probably a good time to take him out for a walk anyway – I have just done a rather pungent bottom burp and Daddy Richard is coughing and spluttering and he is in the corner looking decidedly queasy! A walk will do us all good! So, my lovely fans, for now, must paws … ????