What a Christmas I’ve had! Wow! It all started with a visit from Mrs P. She popped in and brought me a lovely Christmas Card and a lovely chew. I couldn’t wait until Christmas Day, so I ate it straight away. Unusually for him he was doing that cooking thing he seems to be obsessed with! I just can’t understand it. I can’t understand why people come and eat it either – I mean, he is clearly rubbish at it with the amount of practice he has to do! Anyway, after Mrs P left I spent Christmas Eve doing nice things and I got all excited for my last sleep before Christmas Day came. On Christmas Day morning Auntie Jo, Daddy Richard and him came for a walk with me to Hilly Fields! I haven’t been to Hilly Fields for months and months! It was fabulous!! Although when we got to Tylers Close field I was hoping that I could have a bit of a run about but, would you believe it, there were sheep in the field so I couldn’t have a run. There haven’t been sheep in the field … ever! Never mind, I will get my time!
After our walk we got home and, once he had started that cooking thing again (I really am going to have to have a woof with him about this), we opened our presents. I had loads! I already had a bag of treats that my personal stylist, Chloe from Waggies of Godstone, gave me when I had my bath, so I got them to eat. I got a new bear, a new rabbit, a new … well I’m not actually sure what he is, but I think he’s great! I got loads of grain free treats that’ll keep me going for ages! (Grain free treats tend to agree with me a lot more – grain tends to give me the runs and make my poo smell really bad!) I got a treat launcher that is great fun, although he is worried that there will be treats everywhere … yummy! I got a jumper but it is a bit small, I am a big boy you know! I got so many presents I can’t remember what I got! I had a stocking that was allegedly prepared by him, although he tried to claim at first it was from Santa Claws but I pointed out that I am already almost 23 months old (19 years old in dog years) and I stopped believing in Santa Claws ages ago, and another one from Auntie Zena. Mind you, I did manage to destroy both of them by the end of Boxing Day – how was I supposed to know I wasn’t meant to eat them! Interestingly, he gave Daddy Richard a cookery course – I’m rather hoping he’ll go along too so that he stops all this time wasting practice!
On Boxing Day morning Daddy Richard, Auntie Jo, Grandma and Nana all piled into the car thingy with me and him so that we could go somewhere different for a walk. He decided we would go to Reigate Hill. When we got there it turned out that everyone else had too! We couldn’t park and the queues were horrendous. I think I may have mentioned in passing that he isn’t very bright … about as bright as a damp firework on New Year’s Eve if you get my gist! Anyway, it was a beautiful morning, bright sunshine and perfect for a walk. Boxing Day is a bank holiday so not many people would be working. What on earth gave him the idea that Reigate Hill wouldn’t be packed! So we turned around, drove back through Godstone and went to Peter Rabbit wood. It was really, really muddy! I did a good job of dragging him around through the mud, but Nana and Grandma did find it a bit difficult to navigate. It was also very cold so everyone was wrapped up to keep warm. I don’t need to, my coat always keeps me warm and now that it has almost completely grown back I am fine!
Talking of my coat, it was really, really muddy and wet. When we got home he tried to dry me off and get rid of some of the mud, but I decided that I would make life difficult by keep stealing the towel. Eventually, Grandad got hold of me and I was dried off! And talking of mud and smells, there is another thing. He got a book for Christmas that is called ‘How it works’ The DOG. (I know, weird, but you know what humans are like! It is even published by a Ladybird!) Anyway, the very first page gives some very good advice, it says, “The dog is often called man’s best friend. Dogs are reliable, loyal and loving like all best friends.” It is the next bit that I think he needs to learn, “They also smell like a bobble hat full of corned beef that has been left on the parcel shelf of a locked car or a fortnight during a hot spell. But there are somethings you don’t mention to a best friend.” Hmm, he doesn’t seem to have got that last bit! He keeps describing me as smelling of ‘Eau de Dog’ which I know is not complimentary! You know, sometimes I really do wonder what I did in a past life that was so bad that I ended up with him. Do I really deserve that!
Great news though! As we passed Angela’s house on the day after Boxing Day, I remembered that I always used to leave her a present so I left a really pungent three bagger for her to thank her for my Christmas Card. As usual, he was moaning something about me just being a “sitting machine” which I don’t understand because I wasn’t sitting down. I could have mis-heard because he does tend to mutter under his breath when he’s moaning but I am quite sure I heard him use the word ‘just’ – well, I’ve got news for him … I am not ‘just’ anything! I must say that having returned to normal walks, I am thoroughly enjoying them but they can be quite tiring. I have found the need to push out a few ????s is greater now that I am back to doing proper walks!
It will still be another few weeks before I am given the all clear, but the signs are all good. He has decided that now that I am fitter he is going to resume my training. We’ll see about that! Allegedly he reckons he is going to train me to stop pulling him like a freight train. Hmmf! I’ll be the judge of that. Although he has started by trying to train me to sit quietly until he has put his coat on before we go out. Strangely, I found myself doing just that today before we went out for a walk – I don’t know how that happened! I got my own back though – I managed to find some sumptuous mud to walk in! I was covered in mud from the knee down. If we’re going to go back to this training lark, I am not going to make it easy for him! Anyway, would you believe it, he is only doing more of that cooking thing. Apparently we have people coming to celebrate New Year. I’ve looked this up on Fidopedia and apparently humans get together, drink loads of booze (nothing new there!), eat loads of food and then all cheer when Big Ben (that’s a clock in London, not Big Ben the Mastiff that we regularly meet on Green Lane) strikes 12 midnight. All very strange … anyway, I am going to have to go and have a woof with him and make sure he doesn’t poison our guests. So, or now, must paws … ????
