Last Wednesday I had a lovely sleep when I went to visit my personal surgeon, Bonito de la Puerta. What I’m not sure about is why I always wake up with yet another bald patch when I’ve been to visit him. Anyway, the good news is that he was very happy with my progress. He said that I can do my normal walks from now onwards and that in a month or so I will be allowed off lead and the dreadful temporary carpet that was put down in the kitchen, dining room and hallway can be taken up. Apparently the x-rays showed that the implant has bedded in well (I don’t really know what I am saying here, but I am repeating what my personal surgeon, Bonito de la Puerta, said) and all I need to do now is to build up the muscle in that hip. After my little sleep the lovely nurses at North Downs Specialist Referrals offered me a large plate of food. Well, I wasn’t going to wait to be asked twice! I wolfed it down like I had been starved for a month! Apparently they were quite surprised by the speed with which I ate. There is no end to my talents … eating food that almost literally doesn’t touch the sides is one of my many talents! When he arrived to collect me (late as usual!) I was quite ready to go home. He lifted me into the car and off we went home. Imagine my surprise when we got home when he opened the boot and just waited – apparently he was expecting me to get out out of the car on my own. The very cheek of it! I have a feeling that my days of being lifted in and out have gone. He is sooooo lazy! We went indoors and I didn’t really feel much like food, so I decided to skip dinner. If I’m totally honest I was feeling a little bit woozy after my sleep. He said he could tell I was feeling a little bit woozy because I was being nice to him and resting my head in his lap. In my opinion I am always nice to him … after all, I tolerate him most of the time!
Wednesday evening passed without further incident. As I was feeling a bit woozy, I spend most of the evening pushing out ????s and then settled down for a good night’s sleep. On Thursday morning he went out to the shops to get some food for Christmas. I did try to explain to him that I already have my Canagan, so he needn’t bother, but he went anyway. I didn’t actually mind because it gave me an opportunity to spend some quality time with Daddy Richard which was nice. When he eventually returned from the shops (he seemed to have been gone for ages … not that I care, of course!) he started doing that cooking thing again. He really can’t be any good at it because he has to do an awful lot of practicing! Apparently he was cooking food for the weekend to save time when we have guests. Carbonade Flamande (that’s your actual French you know … which is odd because it is a Flemish dish!) and French Onion Soup (that isn’t French but it should be because the blinkin’ dish is French … I’m confused!) and some sauce that will go with some fish that he is planning on cooking on Christmas Eve. Anyway, that seemed to take most of his time up after he got back from the shops, so I spend some time pushing out ????s and also spending a bit of quality time with Daddy Richard (he is so much better than him and actually shows some signs of intelligence!
Actually, talking of intelligence, I think I may have mentioned this once before, but he isn’t very bright … about as bright as a set of Christmas lights with no bulbs! He had this brainwave on Friday morning and decided that we should go to Mercers Park for a walk. Now, I have no problem with this other than it involves a trip in the car and he now seems to expect me to get in and out without any assistance, which I think is a bit much. Anyway, off to Mercers Park we went. When we arrived the car park seemed to be a bit muddy with some very large puddles and I heard him saying to Daddy Richard that he was sure the paths would be fine. Well, I’ve got news for him … they weren’t! Actually, from my point of view they were rather wonderful. They were very, very muddy and full of nice deep puddles which I found to be totally acceptable. One has to walk through all puddles … it’s the law! I have to tell you that I was laughing my paws off as he slipped and slided along with me towing him like a boat towing a water skier! I’m seriously considering opening an Instapound account just so that I can post some photos of him looking so utterly ridiculous! He was slipping and sliding all over the place. You should see the state of his shoes too – I’m not sure they’ll ever be the same again. I made a right royal mess of the car when we got back to it … it was fantastic! As we made our way around Mercers Park I found myself humming a tune – Mud, mud, glorious mud, nothing quite like it for boiling his blood, so follow me follow, down to the hollow and there let me wallow in glorious mud. I have done a bit of Doogling and I have found that humans have a very similar version by two chaps called Flanders and Swann but it is about a hippopotamus and not about me. Sometimes humans do some very silly things – who would ever write a song about a hippopotamus? That would be just plain bonkers!
When we got back from Mercers Park he went back to his cooking practice and Daddy Richard went off to sort out bedrooms for our guests over Christmas. I have mentioned before that I find it all a bit odd that he does all this cooking. On top of the fact that he is clearly no good at it, it makes a right mess everywhere. Having spent a considerable amount of time on Thursday and Friday practicing. he then spent two hours on Friday afternoon cleaning the kitchen. If he was just a little bit brighter he would have worked out that if he didn’t do this cooking thing, he wouldn’t need to clean up afterwards! Actually, talking of cleaning, I was a bit mucky after my muddy walk. Since Daddy Richard was upstairs sorting out bedrooms and I was a bit bushed anyway, I came up with a perfect solution to my problem. I went upstairs and jumped on the white duvet so that I could wipe my tummy clean and push out a few ????s at the same time. Apparently, whilst perfect for me, this was not quite so popular with Daddy Richard. I didn’t quite catch what he said, it sounded a bit like “murty sit” which is quite odd because my name is Monty and I was already laying down. Talking of my name, I have been asked a couple of times recently why my name is Monty. The truth is that it isn’t. I know my lovely fans will be surprised to hear this, but Monty isn’t my real name – it is just a sort of shortening of my full name.
My real name is ‘Montgomery Oliver Nigel Tarquin York’ but I have found some humans have a spot of bother with this. They find it difficult (but then they are human) when they are calling me or asking me to sit. I can’t see the problem personally, but apparently saying ‘Montgomery Oliver Nigel Tarquin York – sit’ is a bit of a mouthful for them, so I have shortened it to just Monty. (My fans will have noticed that I have used the initial letter from each of my names … gosh I’m clever sometimes!) I think Monty is better anyway … can you imagine him trying to say my full name when was asking me to do something! On Friday evening it turned out that Daddy Richard and him were going to Auntie Zena’s house for a Christmas get together. Auntie Zena would have invited me too but her floor is too slippery and he says that my personal surgeon, Bonito de la Puerta, has said that he wants to wait another month before I get the all clear and I can go on slippery floors. Having now seen some photographs of them all on Friday evening (and a couple of videos too) I can honestly say that I’m glad I didn’t go – they look utterly silly in their Santa hats and I’m pretty sure that they imbibed some incahol too! Fortunately, Grandad and Nana arrived for Christmas, so I got to spend some quality time with them instead. How embarrassing even to be associated with them!
Today is Christmas Eve. Quite early this morning I went out for a walk with Auntie Zena, Uncle Simon and him. Auntie Zena, Uncle Simon and my friend Jake are coming for Christmas dinner tomorrow and Auntie Zena is making a table decoration and wanted some greenery for it, so we all went out for a walk together. It was really good! I wasn’t even too naughty! When we got back he went off to London. Grandma arrived yesterday, so we are getting quite a houseful. This afternoon I took Daddy Richard, Nana and Grandma on a lovely walk around Leigh Place (via Bay Pond path, of course). On our way back we were just passing Angela’s house and she popped out and said hello. It was lovely! I really like Angela and she is so considerate – there are always bowls of fresh water outside her house just in case one fancies a quick drink. I did leave her a present the other day but he just moaned (as usual) and, as he picked it up, was heard muttering again … “Why? Why here? Why does he have to do it here?”. The answer is obvious – I like to leave Angela a little present when I pass! When we got back from our walk he was back from London but he wasn’t on his own … Auntie Jo had come back with him too! I think she was probably keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn’t get into any trouble – I’m not sure he should be allowed out on his own. Anyway, the good news is that she is going to stay for Christmas too! Talking of Christmas, I have looked on Doogle and discovered that it is already Christmas in some parts of the world. In Australia it is already Christmas Day for example. So, to my Australian fans, Happy Christmas Cobber, chuck another sausage on the barbie! And to my other fans, 圣诞快乐, (OK, I admit it, I used Doogle Translate for that one!), Joyeux Noel (for my French speaking fans), Feliz Navidad (for my Spanish speaking fans), Feliz Natal (for my fans in Portuguese speaking countries like Brazil) and Frohe Weihnachten (for my German speaking fans) and Buon Natale (for my Italian speaking fans). I know I have fans in many countries around the world and I hope I have covered most languages spoken. Oh, and finally, for my English fans, Happy Christmas! There is a rumour of a walk and then dinner coming up, so must paws … ????
