Flamin’ ‘eck it’s been a while since I put paw to keyboard! The truth is, I’ve been having one or two keyboard issues. First me keyboard packed up … or more importantly, some of the keys stopped working. Then when I thought I’d cracked the keyboard problem, the flamin’ mouse stopped working and I couldn’t get onto me pooter to fix the problem. I think I have now cracked the situation though and we’re back to normal working conditions. Now, where was I?Oh yes, the best day ever, ever, ever! But before I get to that I suppose I should start roughly where I finished last time. Ah! That was Brexit … I don’t have much to say on that point. We now have a Prime Minister who is indisputably prepared to lie to the people and to the government to push the UK off a cliff. Having done a bit of Doogling, the nearest likeness to this I have been able to come up with is Lord Haw Haw … and look how it ended for him! Anyway, enough of that, I am all Brexited out. So, back to the real world and, more importantly, me! Despite not putting paw to keyboard I have had a very busy time.
After my trip to France to see my friend Charlie, I had a pretty busy week. I don’t think I have mentioned this but I have been trying some new food out – it’s called Butternut and it’s very nice. It is more like a wet food than the tried kibble I usually have and there’s lots of nice flavours like turkey and beef and lamb. There is only one downside to it … my poo! I don’t think they are all that happy – one of the selling points was that it would make my poo smell better … it doesn’t! Even I will admit that it is always better to be upwind when I’ve had a poo. Actually, talking of wind, I usually manage to keep to just a few places for my poo. I have given up pooing on Auntie Angela’s doorstep … it just caused me too much twubble! The other day though I found myself caught a bit short in Church Lane. I had a little poo (well it was only a one bagger!) and he moaned and moaned about how bad it smelled. Never mind that I found myself downwind of it, all he kept going on about was how he was glad it was autumn because “the good people of Church Lane will be able open their windows again in about five months”! Honestly, the cheek of it. It was hardly my fault, I didn’t choose to walk up Church Lane, did I?!
The weekend after my trip to France we all got in the car thingy and went up to Kenley Aerodrome for a jolly good run around. Well, when I say run around I did all the running and they just walked! I had such a lovely time there. I rolled around in the grass, even got a few tummy rubs, ran just about everywhere, sniffed things that I haven’t sniffed in quite some time and, by the time we went home, I was absolutely cream crackered! There is only one small point to make here … puddles. You have to walk through all puddles … it’s the law! The trouble is, he doesn’t seem to realise this and moans about soggy dogs and his car thingy and furniture at home and mud and well, just about everything actually! Daddy Richard is much more tolerant although I have noticed that he doesn’t do a lot of the drying stuff, that’s always him. In fact, I rarely get into any twubble with Daddy Richard although he does call me “The Monster” a little too often for my liking.
I did get into a bit of twubble with Daddy Richard the other day though. I don’t really see what I was doing wrong! They were just waiting for the dinner to finish cooking in the oven and were watching ‘Celebrity Masterchef’. (As my regular fans will know, he can’t cook but insists on spending hours and hours practicing and watches programmes like this to get ‘ideas’. I’d have given up years ago if I was him!) Anyway, the table was laid and everything was ready and I popped out to the kitchen to see if there was anything edible. I couldn’t find anything so I climbed up onto the dining table via Daddy Richard’s chair to see if there was anything on there. There wasn’t. When Daddy Richard came out into the kitchen he went mad! Not quite as mad as he gets, but definitely not happy! I’m sure he mentioned something about ducking fog too! (Note to self: I have heard these words used several times in recent months, I must do some research to find out what they mean because I can categorically state there was no fog in the kitchen that needed to be ducked!) Daddy Richard didn’t half make a noise as he took everything off the table, wiped it clean and then went and got fresh knives and forks. It was bang, crash everywhere he went!! I have been back on the kitchen table once since but that didn’t end well either – I’d have got away with it but as I jumped off I slipped on some papers that they had left on the table which caused me to come down with rather a bang which alerted them to where I had been and also resulted in a pile of papers being rather strewn across the room! I think I’m going to have to give that particular game a miss for a while!
Now, back to the best day ever, ever, ever! You see, it all started yesterday morning. We got up and went out for our usual walk – Salisbury Road, Oxted Road, Church Lane, Bay Pond Path and back up the High Street. It’s a pretty good walk actually – about 2 miles and lots of places to pick up my P-mail and to leave comments for others. It was cold but dry which was quite nice. Then, we got home and I had half an hour to push out a few 💤s before we all jumped in the car thingy and drove off to Grandma’s home. We parked up but we didn’t go in which was a bit confusing to begin with. Then we walked off towards the town – well, when I say walked, I had to drag them like a flamin’ freight train because they just weren’t as excited as I was and were walking far too slowly in my opinion! Well, imagine my surprise when we arrived at the station and who was standing there? Only Auntie Jo!!! I was soooooooooo excited to see her!! We walked back towards Grandma’s home and on the way he went into a pet shop and bought some treats for me. I know that I wasn’t supposed to know that but I worked it out all on my own! Then we went in to see Grandma and I met Marjorie who gave me a really good treat!
We didn’t spend too long at Grandma’s before we all got into the car thingy and came home. But we didn’t stay at home … we went to the pub! We walked down to the Hare and Hounds and they had lunch whilst I had loads of treats – it was ace!!! Then, after lunch we went into Hilly Fields where I showed Auntie Jo my ‘paw’ trick before I ran off and jumped into the smelly water. He did tell me off but I didn’t care. I was having such a luvely day with Auntie Jo and Grandma! Then, when we walked back home we were just about there and who was standing there? Only my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Jake!!!!! Jake, and his girlfriend Jess, said they were going for a walk and could I go with them? Well would you Fido and Butch it, we only walked to the Barley Mow … another pub! I got loads of treats too and I had the best time!!! I got even wetter and more muddy! When we got home Auntie Jo was about to go home (she lives a long way away and has to come on three trains to see me!) so that was a bit sad. I stayed at home whilst they took Auntie Jo to the station and Grandma home – he said I was too wet and dirty to go in his car thingy again!
When they came home – they weren’t actually gone long – I was just catching up on a few 💤s so I nearly forgot to take them one of his jumpers I had found as a present! We spend an hour or so chillin’ out whilst they watched another ‘Celebrity Masterchef’ and I inspected the inside of my eyelids and then, would you Fido and Butch it, we only went out again. Where to? Only flamin’ Auntie Zena’s!!!! They had dinner and a couple of sherberts and I had a great time but I was a little bit naughty so, eventually, Auntie Zena brought me home and put the telly on for me whilst they finished their evening in something they called “peace”. Never heard of it? Nah, me neither! Anyway, it gave me a chance to catch up and push out a few much needed 💤s and I could dream about how it had been the best day ever, ever, ever!!!! I don’t know how you can top that but then, to be honest, today is turning out pretty well! In fact, it could end up being the best day ever! I think there’s a chance we’re about to go out for a walk and I’ve just had a duck fillet that Auntie Jo brought me for treats so, with that, must paws … 🐾