I think I’d better start from the beginning rather than jumping to the end. You see, I’ve been having a spot of trouble with both him and Daddy Richard. They just don’t seem to appreciate that when I’m out for a walk I like to have a little lay down. Actually, more importantly, I want to do what I want to do, not what they want me to do! He says I’m stubborn and wilful, I see it somewhat differently … I have a mind of my own and it’s far better than his. Honestly, all he ever does is moan … now even Daddy Richard is doing it (although I think he has just picked up his bad habits!). I mean, what am I supposed to do? Do what they want? I don’t think so! So, there you have it – I like a lay down when out walking – just because they don’t want to lay down with me doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be doing it. So, the majority of the last week has been consumed with walks (I did get to go out on one with Auntie Zena which was rather nice) where him and even Daddy Richard have been moaning about me laying down all the time. Some bloke (I’m not sure who he is but he walks with a massive Mastiff) even called across “Does your dog ever stand up?” which, as you might imagine, just fuelled their moaning!
One thing that did happen in the last week or so was that I went on me ‘olidays. It wasn’t to see my friend Charlie in France (although I’m still hopeful of that) but I went on me ‘oliday with Auntie Sue and Eric. We went to a place called the New Forest … although it seemed quite old to me … and to the seaside in a place called Milford on Sea. Auntie Sue rented a house and we all went down in two car thingys (I think Eric not enjoy a long journey on the back seat with Auntie Sue and all the luggage). It probably won’t come as much of a surprise to those that know him and Daddy Richard that, in addition to far too many clothes for a few days, they took half a kitchen with them! Even Auntie Sue was surprised when they carried in a deep fat fryer and some mussel pans! Nothing surprises me anymore, I’ve seen it all with them! Mind you, that was only the beginning of ‘Musselgate’. It got far worse when they went off to try and buy some! Allegedly they thought that, since we were going to the seaside, they’d be able to buy mussels easily. It turns out that wasn’t quite true.
We arrived and, when they finally unloaded all the kitchen equipment from the car thingy (knives, wok, oil, vegetables, even a pineapple!) they went out and left me with Eric and Auntie Sue to look after the ‘oliday home. Only a couple of doors down the road there was a fish mongers. Apparently they went in and asked about mussels but there were two problems … firstly, it was 3.30pm and the shop shut at 3.00pm and secondly, they had run out of mussels much earlier in the day! The next thing I knew they were off to a place called Lymington where there was a big Waitrose (that’s a food shop for humans that generally sells posh stuff). Well, I don’t think that went well because they came back with all the ingredients to make Spaghetti Bolognese! They cooked that on Saturday evening and then on Sunday we all went off to a place called Mudeford Quay where there was a fish monger that was open. No mussels there either. The next stop was Christchurch where there wasn’t a fish monger open but there was another Waitrose. Daddy Richard went in and the next thing we knew (Eric and I were quite bored of ‘Musselgate’ by now) his phone rang and Daddy Richard announced that Waitrose had got some mussels but that they were Scottish. Apparently Scottish mussels are not always as good as mussels that you might be near the sea but Auntie Sue pleaded with them to buy them and end the whole ‘Musselgate’ saga!
Fortunately, they did buy the mussels and we could all get back on with our ‘oliday. That said, we did have a bit of fun when we arrived in Christchurch. Auntie Sue gave near perfect directions to a car park that was just by the High Street (we only had to turn round once!) but then lost all street cred when we got out of the car and tried to walk out of the car park. Three attempts and eventually he had to find a way out! With ‘Musselgate’ over (at least the procurement of them) we went off and did some exploring. Eric and I rubbed along surprisingly well and we had quite a laugh at the incompetence of humans to find their way around. Us doggies only need to go somewhere once and we don’t ever need to directions again – we can sniff our way back to anywhere we want to go. Talking of sniffing, there was quite a lot of Peemail around and I did manage to leave quite a lot of ‘comments’. I’ve been trying to teach Eric to leave comments but, at the moment, he is just leaving one long Peemail rather than saving up for a few comments later.
Before they finally cooked their ‘moules mariniere and chips’ we all went off to the beach. Eric and I had a luvely time running around on the beach. It was very windy (and I mean the weather not my bottom!) but that didn’t bother us. I think Auntie Sue and them had a bit more of an issue with it. He took a photo of Auntie Sue and Eric but you can’t see Auntie Sue’s face because the wind is blowing her hair all over the place – mind you, at least she’s got some hair! It is almost impossible to see in this photo but you actually have a really good view of ‘The Needles’ which I have Doogled and they are a row of three stacks of chalk about 30m high just off the Isle of Wight (which we could also see). Anyway, enough of this fact finding, back to me ‘oliday. Ah yes, the beach. Those pebbles can be a bit tough on the old paws but apart from that it was all rather lovely. I didn’t go too far into the sea but I certainly got me paws wet! Actually, I got quite wet from the spray too.
On Monday we went to a place called Brockenhurst which is right in the ‘New Forest’. It turns out it is quite a pretty place and we went on a luvely walk around the village. At one point we found a thing called a ‘ford’ which is where a stream crosses the road. Oh boy, did we have fun in there! We ran around and jumped up and down and got thoroughly soaked! There were a couple of other dogs there too … one called Bruno and one called something else that I can’t remember. We played with them too but mostly we just played together. My regular fans will understand that of course he was moaning about it. “What about my car! Two wet smelly dogs! Disgusting!” You get my gist. I would like to make a point here – I do NOT smell! Well, not much anyway. I don’t moan about him and the disgusting smells of his poor attempts at cooking. He is very rude about me sometimes! I don’t know what I did in a previous life to end up with him but it must have been pretty flamin’ terrible! And talking of terrible, there was worse to come!
On Tuesday morning it was time to come home. Eric and Auntie Sue had left very early in the morning because they had to get back for an appointment but we left a bit later. It gave us time to give the house a quick once over, go for a walk and load up the car thingy before we left. One thing I did learn on my short ‘oliday is that I actually don’t mind the car thingy at all now. Every time we go somewhere in it we have a good time. It used to be just to visit my personal surgeon or my personal doggy doctor but now we go to lots of good places. Anyway, back to the journey home. We made good progress but they decided we would stop for a short break so that I could stretch my legs. It was rather nice actually … we had a lovely walk down a tow path next to a river. That was when it all went a bit wrong. I don’t know what I did wrong – I just fancied a little dip! I jumped in the river … it turned out it was very deep and I couldn’t get out again without a bit of assistance. When he lifted me out all I could see was the colour of his face – he kept saying something about ‘Ducking Frog’ or something. I have to confess I couldn’t hear all that well, I think I had a bit of water in my ear!
Honestly, the language! I can’t repeat any of it here it was just too much! And, it didn’t get any better either. Talk about moaning … all he kept saying was that I stank and how he would have to put up with the “stench” all the way home! I didn’t think it was that bad! Mind you, when we did get back into the car thingy we didn’t go straight home, we stopped off at a pet shop just before we got home. I went in with him and he went up to a lady and asked for some doggy shampoo. She looked at me and said “Oh, I thought I could smell stagnant water!”. Flamin’ cheek!!! When we got home we were straight out into the garden where I got a thorough hosing down with warm water and then a jolly good shampooing with the recently purchased shampoo. I’m not sure I enjoyed that quite so much but I did make sure that he needed a complete change of clothes afterwards because I shook off all the water over him! I thought that Saturday was the best day ever, then I thought Sunday was the best day ever, then I thought Monday was the best day ever and then I thought yesterday was the best day ever but I’ve just been told that Auntie Zena is coming down to take me out for a walk so today could turn out to be the best day ever! I’d better get ready so, for now, must paws … 🐾