home diary Me? Upside down? I don’t think so!

Me? Upside down? I don’t think so!

If I want to lay down when we’re out for a walk, I will!

Well what a flamin’ nightmare! Apparently I was upside down in my last Glog. Even Grandma was upside down. It was hardly my fault. He scarpered off to flamin’ Monaco and left me with just an iPad to write my Glog. It appears that if you use the WordPress app on the iPad to write a Glog then some of the photos appear to be upside down. I can assure my loyal fans that I was not really upside down … if I was I’d find walking pretty flippin’ difficult! Anyway, enough of that. I back to normal now and find myself in need of putting paw to keyboard. He eventually reappeared and I jumped up and down and ran round and round in circles with excitement until I remembered how flamin’ annoyed I was with him for abandoning me! Boy, did I give him the cold shoulder when I remembered! I kept it up for ages and ages … it must have been at least 10 minutes! Daddy Richard went and collected him from the airport, so I had to make my own amusement whilst he was gone. I found that chewing on one of his shoes passed the time quite comfortably. When they got back it was quite late, so I didn’t have much time with them before we all went to bed.

Of course! The messages are modern … they’re Pee-mail!

On Friday morning we went for our usual walk up Oxted Road and along Church Lane before I run around off lead on Bay Pond Path. It was actually quite pleasant – I think he was feeling a bit guilty about leaving me and so was much better behaved than he usually is. He didn’t moan (too much) when I pulled on the lead and he even had treats in his pocket! When we got home he went off to do some ‘work’ and I pushed out a few ????s. Daddy Richard had gone off to the shops … I’ve noticed that quite often happens just after he has gone off to ‘work’. Anyway, I didn’t mind. I had a lot to think about after our walk because there were a huge number of messages to pick up. Talking of messages, I hadn’t thought of it this way, but Auntie Wendy (that’s Roxy, Radar, Reggie and Ronnie’s mum), found this cartoon and the stick dropped, as it were. Modern messages that I sniff are not messages in the old fashioned way, they are Pee-mails! It’s obvious when you think about it!! I should have thought about it – I am a modern dog who was born in the digital age, so why would I pick up old fashioned messages? As we walk around I pick up my Pee-mail and leave comments as appropriate! I use Fidopedia quite a bit, and I Doogle things to find out more about them. I use Poochtome when I’m allowed to and I watch videos on PooTube. I am a member of several WhatsYap groups and I occasionally post to Instapound, so why on earth hadn’t I realised I was using Pee-mail?!

It turns out that the ‘caravan’ is actually called a ‘mobile home’ and in the morning it didn’t seem quite so bad!

On Friday when he eventually decided to put in an appearance coming home from ‘work’, Nana and Grandad were already here and we all got into the car thingy and drove off. The weather was dreadful and it poured with rain for the entire journey. I wasn’t exactly sure where we were going but I knew it was further than Reigate Hill because it too for flamin’ ever! I think the traffic was bad too because he kept saying something about queuing traffic and even Grandad commented on how “heavy” it was. I’m not sure how they weigh traffic but then I am a dog and I don’t claim to understand the human world! Anyway, we stopped on the way so that I could have a wee (leaving a comment on a Pee-mail I picked up) somewhere near to a place called Southampton. I did Doogle Southampton and it said it is a naval port although I didn’t see any ships or any sailors! After a few minutes we got back in the car thingy and drove off for another long journey. Eventually we arrived at a ‘caravan park’ in a place near somewhere called Poole. I’m not sure it was entirely as expected because I could feel the stress levels rising all around. Firstly, we seemed to be aimlessly driving around because we were looking for a caravan called ‘Lazy Bear’ and they all had numbers and no name. Eventually Daddy Richard telephoned someone and they told him the number so that we found it. Secondly, we eventually found our way into the caravan and discovered that it had no electricity. Whilst this didn’t bother me, it seemed to bother all of them. Finally, after more phone calls about electricity and towels, a man came and said that the electrics had shorted because the box outside the caravan had a hole in it and the rain had got in. He fixed the electricity and he found a plastic bag and fitted it over the box.

Me with Grandad and Daddy Richard – I’m the good looking one in the middle!

Electrics fixed, towels found, fish and chips procured and a large glass of something incaholic in their hands, stress levels returned to normal levels and we settled down for the evening. It actually wasn’t that bad. The ‘caravan’ turned out to be actually called a ‘mobile home’ (although it didn’t strike me as being very mobile!) and it was quite comfortable with a lounge and three bedrooms and two bathrooms and a decent kitchen. It transpired that we were there because Nana and Grandad had booked it because it was Daddy Richard’s birthday on Sunday and they thought we’d have a good weekend. It turns out they were right! In the morning everything seemed alright again and we jumped into the car thingy and went off to Poole to see what it had to offer. The Poole Boat Show was taking place when we got there and we watched a couple of boat demonstrations and then some Newfoundland doggies that dived into the sea and rescued people who had jumped off the site of a boat (humans really are odd sometimes!), but it turned out to be just a bit too cold so we walked into town for a coffee – well, they had coffee, I had treats from him.

I’m not sure about ‘the sea’ – he called it waves but I don’t think it was all that friendly!

When we got back from Poole I took him and Daddy Richard for a walk. We walked to the other end of the caravan park and we found this place called a ‘beach’. There was sand everywhere and there was loads of water too. Apparently it is called ‘the sea’. I’m not sure about ‘the sea’. It kept coming towards me, then I barked at it and it went away again, then it came back and I barked at it again and it went away. Every time I barked at it it went away but then it always came back again. According to him they’re called ‘waves’ but I’m not sure he’s right. It didn’t seem very friendly to me and anyway he is hardly a reliable source! I did rather like the beach though because I could have a jolly good run around off lead. I did get quite a lot of sand in my hair and rather wet too but I don’t really care about that. After all, I managed to get most of it out of my fur and into his car thingy, so that was a bit of a result! We spent another satisfactory night in our ‘caravan’ and then left on Sunday morning to go to meet Daddy Richard’s uncle and aunt. He hadn’t seen them for about 40 years so it was a good job we had Nana and Grandad with us so that we knew who they were!

The Moors Valley Railway was quite interesting but the walk to the other end of the line was better!

We went to a place called Moors Valley Country Park and Forest. We got there a little bit early and I was feeling a little restless after yet another journey in the car thingy, so we left Nana and Grandad to wait for Uncle Fred and Auntie Brenda to arrive whilst we had a look around. The first thing we came across was a steam railway. Apparently it is called the Moors Valley Steam Railway and is a narrow gauge railway. The trains were pretty small, I must say. It was quite interesting but I much preferred the walk around a lake to the other end of the railway line! When we had had our walk we made our way back to where we had left Nana and Grandad and Uncle Fred and Auntie Brenda had arrived. We all said hello but Auntie Brenda said she had only come to see me really. Well, duh!! Of course she had!!!! I am the handsomest dog in dogdom and why would anyone want to see anyone else! The very thought that they might have wanted to meet them (him and Daddy Richard) has me laughing my paws off. What a ridiculous idea!!!

I had a lovely splash around in the mud and the water – it was luvely!

To be honest, after I had been made a fuss of for a while and they had all been ‘chatting’ for a while, I got pretty bored. I played a game of trying to steal the food off other tables for a while but, strangely, every time I thought I was going to get there the lead just seemed to be a few inches too short. After a while him and Daddy Richard got the message and we all went off for a walk. It was fab-you-luss! I could run around off lead and there was loads to explore. After a while I found the very thing that I knew would wind him up – a nice smelly ditch with dirty water and mud in it! How marvellous!!! I could get nice and dirty before I got into his car thingy and we had quite a long drive home for me to share my rather appealing new aroma with everyone! I had a lovely splash around in the mud and the water and made sure I was wet and dirty – it was luvely! I knew it had been a success when he started ranting and moaning again. As I was splashing around I heard some muffled comment about “that ducking fog” or something. It isn’t always that easy to hear when he’s so red in the face and the veins in the side of this head look like they’re about to pop. I have heard him use this phrase before but, like last time, there were no ducks and it was quite a clear day! Oh well, as I have heard humans say … whatever!

I had a luvely run around on The Green on Friday lunchtime!

So, after a long but uneventful drive home in the car thingy, we eventually arrived home on Sunday afternoon. Since it was Daddy Richard’s birthday, he cooked a favourite of Murg Methi (chicken and fenugreek curry) and Nana and Grandad stayed for dinner and then Auntie Zena and Uncle Simon arrived and stayed for dinner too. All in all it was a pretty good day, even though it was actually Daddy Richard’s birthday, I had a good time! This week has been pretty uneventful too. He has been out every single day doing that ‘work’ thing he claims to do. What is interesting about that is that their business is designed around working from home but he hasn’t even got that right. I think I might have mentioned this before, but he isn’t very bright … if brains were dynamite he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose, if you get my gist! The whole point of this business is that it is a home based business – he clearly doesn’t understand that because he has hardly been at home all week! On Friday he did work from home, although that was only because his client cancelled! I did have a luvely run around on The Green at lunchtime though, so there was some benefit to it.

We got to walk around Bay Pond and see places that are normally closed to the public!

Today is Saturday already. We had quite a nice walk this morning up Oxted Road and along Church Lane and then down Bay Pond path. It was only as we got down Bay Pond path that they realised that Bay Pond had an open day today. We got home and they decided to ask Auntie Sue and Eric if they wanted to come with us but they were already going with a friend of Auntie Sue’s, so we went on our own. We had a luvely walk around Bay Pond and I got to see things we don’t normally get to see because it is usually closed to the public. It was all very interesting and I had a nice time. I have to be honest though, I am still a bit cream crackered from yesterday. Yesterday afternoon he had to drop something to a ‘solicitor’ (can’t be bothered to look it up at the moment!) in Oxted. We all got into the car thingy and went to Oxted. When we got there we got out and then Daddy Richard and I walked all the way home! I’m still not quite sure what the point of that was but I quite enjoyed the walk even though I was very cream crackered by the time we got home! He went straight from Oxted to see a ‘customer’ in Redhill, so it was ages before he eventually put in an appearance by which time I was already pushing out ????s. Actually, talking of ????s, I think I need to push out a few more so, for now, must paws … ????

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