home diary Squirrelgate!


He moaned when I wanted to take this stick with me, so I lay down and chewed it instead!

I don’t like to complain … well, actually, on this occasion I do want to complain! You see, it’s like this … there we were, enjoying a wander around the village – Oxted Road, Church Lane, Bay Pond Path etc. – and there it was. Lying on the side of the road was a dead squirrel. Well, what was I supposed to do? Just walk past it? I mean, it isn’t every day you find a dead squirrel (pretty fresh too) on the side of the road, is it? So, obviously, I picked it up and ate it! Honestly, it wasn’t even just him, it was both of them. “Disgusting!” and “Revolting!” and “Repulsive!” and “Stomach Churning!” and “Foul!” and “Odious!”, they just went on and on. I thought it was a rather tasty treat personally! And it didn’t even stop there. Honestly, you’d think I’m committed the crime of the century rather than just had a rather tasty snack! All flamin’ morning he went on. Then, at lunch time, when I was ready for another walk, Daddy Richard said he didn’t want to go for a walk, so I was left with him. When I produced a good two bagger half way up Green Lane it all started again! OK, I will admit that it is a tad unusual to produce fur lined poo but there was no reason to go on about it! Not only did he moan at me but he also started going on about Daddy Richard avoiding dealing with the back end – I’m not entirely sure what he meant, but I know it wasn’t complimentary!

Auntie Sue bought Eric a special doggy pram!

So, that was the start of my week. I mean, it isn’t unusual for him to moan, groan and mutter, but Daddy Richard joining in too was a bit much! I had a little bark with Eric in the evening and advised him that, if he is going to eat a dead squirrel, it is probably better to do it in private. I don’t believe that Auntie Sue would go on like they did but it probably isn’t worth the risk. I do try to pass on as much of my wisdom (of which I have quite a lot!) that I can to Eric, but he doesn’t always listen. I’ve been thinking of getting him a Fidofax so that he can keep notes from my wisdom but I’m worried it might be a bit too 80’s! He is still having a bit of trouble distinguishing between an ‘S’ and a ‘Sh’ and he does continue to leave a little present when he visits – mind you, they are quite small … no more than a one bagger yet but there’s time! I reckon he’s going to be quite a big boy when he grows up and Auntie Sue is going to need some pretty big bags by then! We haven’t been out for another walk yet, although I am promised that we will be this weekend. Mind you, he does rather cheat on the walks anyway – Auntie Sue bought him a special doggy pram and he uses that quite a bit. He wouldn’t have bought me a special doggy pram even when I needed my hips doing – mind you, I wouldn’t have fitted in it anyway!

What do you mean this stick is too big?!

He‘s been out quite a bit again this week. He didn’t even come home until 8 o’clock in the evening on a couple of nights. He claims he was working but who knows … he just turns up and I get a lung full of ‘Eau de dog’! Daddy Richard has even been doing a bit of that ‘work’ thing – mind you, he stays at home and doesn’t come in smelling of doggy! I’ve been out for some superb walks this week too though. Because he has been pretending to do that ‘work’ thing, I’ve been out with Daddy Richard a bit more. I quite like going out with Daddy Richard because I get to go on The Green quite a bit and I can get away with a bit more too. On Thursday afternoon I went out with Daddy Richard and we went up Green Lane and along Church Lane and down Bay Pond Path. Someone had, very conveniently, left the gate open to the pond. Well, what was I supposed to do? I popped in and had a little paddle in the muddy border of the pond. It was all rather satisfactory until Daddy Richard told me off! We got home and he took me straight out into the garden and hosed me down!!

OK, I know it’s another stick but what is a dog supposed to do?

When he eventually came home in the evening (smelling of doggy!) I was still a little damp and a little smelly. Boy, oh boy, did he go on! Honestly, he doesn’t half moan!!! Most days this week have been the best day of my life, but yesterday was the best day ever! We went out for a walk in the morning up Green Lane and I was having a jolly good sniff at just about everything. He decided that, in order to get me to walk a bit more and stop sniffing everything, he would run with me. To be fair, this does usually work and it kind of did yesterday too. We ran up Green Lane until I decided to stop – apparently stopping dead in front of him wasn’t the done thing … he tripped straight over me and landed flat on his back!! I was laughing my paws off!!! There he was, laying flat on his back, glasses fallen off and, just for once, he was laughing too! I didn’t get told off at all! Daddy Richard recovered his glasses before I could get anywhere near them and he was up almost as quickly as he went down, well nearly anyway. When we got back from our walk he went off to pick up Grandma who was coming for the day. Nana and Grandad were already with us because they had stayed overnight so it was all so exciting!

Oops! I know I’m not allowed balls in the house but I just managed to slip this one in!

They all went off to Café Connect and I stayed at home with Grandad. I’ve been lots of times before but I have got into a bit of twubble sometimes when I’ve pinched a bit of cake or something and I like spending quality time with Grandad anyway. When they came back he put on some of that soup stuff that he’s made before. It came out of the freezer because there was some left from the last time he made it – you’d think by now he’d have worked out that he’s rubbish at that cooking lark because if there’s some left it means nobody wanted to eat it and, frankly, who can blame them! When I get to eat some food I always finish it but then I generally don’t have to put up with his rubbish. Actually, talking of putting up with his rubbish, I reckon Auntie Cathy has come up with the best ruse yet. He was going to cook Uncle Bren and Auntie Cathy a ‘special’ curry this weekend called ‘Mutton Bhuna Gosht’ which Uncle Bren rather liked when they were in India. It’s made with goat meat and some really strange ingredients like ‘papaya pulp’ and ‘khatta dahi’, so it’s taken a bit of time to get the bits together. Anyway, Auntie Cathy has come up with the perfect excuse – she had a small operation the other day and has been told she can’t eat spicy food for a week … phew, that is perfect!!! Mind you, I’m not sure how she’ll be able to get out of it next weekend!

I can’t imagine why he was so anxious! I was chewing the ball, that’s all!

Back to my best day ever yesterday … there I was, contemplating why anyone would ever eat anything that he cooks and the door bell went. I jumped up and ran to the door. You won’t believe this, but it’s true – there at the door was my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Jake!!! Jake had only come to take me out for a walk with his friends!! I was so excited!!! I jumped up and down and I ran around in circles whilst they got things ready – Jake took some water for me to drink, a ball (yes, I was allowed a ball!), my lead and, of course, some poo bags … I don’t think Jake was quite so keen on the poo bags but he took them anyway! We went off to Kenley Aerodrome for me to have a proper run around!! It was so exciting!!! We were gone for about 3 hours and I had a fantastic time. I was so flamin’ exhausted when I got home that I just lay down and pushed out a few ????s. It was only after I had inspected the inside of my eyelids that I remembered the ball. Jake had left it on the table in the hallway! I grabbed it quickly and started giving it a good old chew! I know I’m not allowed balls in the house usually but I got away with it for quite a while. Usually, I play this game of dropping it in the most inaccessible place I can find and then stand and bark at it, but this time I just played a game of ‘catch’ with him. It was great fun!! He did seem to be a little anxious when I jumped up and started chewing the ball in his lap, I can’t think why though. Oh well, we all know how strange he is!! Actually, talking of strange, he’s just about to go and make some hollandaise sauce to go with the first taste of English asparagus this year. Yep, I know, he’s still rubbish but I suppose I had better go and keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t poison them and, you never know, there might be a little titbit in it for me too! So, for now, must paws … ????

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Uncle Don
Uncle Don

Hi Monty
You seem to have had a great week. I’m not one to cause trouble but I wonder if you have considered that Eric might be as beautiful as you!? 🙂


Great blog Monty – lots of it


Can’t see you in a buggy like Eric’s. Wow great to hear your friend Jake took you
for a good run around. Lots of stokes Fran

Sue Allen
Sue Allen

Dear Monty I know I am young and get things wrong quite a lot of times, but I do love you for sticking up for me and. keeping me in my place, when I’m in your gaff! I went to puppy training today, I did really good, but mummy was terrified of the teacher and did everything wrong, you would have laughed until you’d done a double bagger! I know the buggy thing is really uncool, but honestly growing is a tiring business and I need to nap loadz, so I need the wheels for the moment! See you very… Read more »