Last weekend was a bit of a weekend and I think it was quite stressful in one way or another. He took Grandma to the hospickle on Saturday for a checkup and she ended up being kept in there, then Daddy Richard ended up in hospickle too. Fortunately, Daddy Richard was only in for the day and so he came home in the evening on Sunday. When it works well, the NHS (that’s the free healthcare service that we have in the UK for my fans elsewhere in the world!) is absolutely brilliant. Just 9½ hours after Daddy Richard walked through the doors of the Minor Injuries Unit in Caterham, he was coming home from East Surrey Hospickle having had an operation under general anaesthetic (that’s like I have when I have my hip done!) and recovering well. I did a bit of Doogling about the NHS – the National Health Service was created by this Welsh bloke called Nye Bevan 70 years ago … that’s years and years ago! Apparently the idea was that healthcare would be free at the point of need to everyone, regardless of background or wealth. It is the fifth largest employer in the world and the biggest employer in the UK. I don’t know very much about all this stuff, but that sounds big! He says (I thought I’d better include him, so I asked him about it) that it is a sad reflection on the state of the world that Macdonald’s is a bigger employer than the NHS. Anyway, enough of this, what about me? Ah yes … well, one thing is certain, I haven’t been in quite as much twubble as I was last week! I decided that this week I would keep a low profile after all the twubble I got into at Tilgate Park. We haven’t been back there recently … funny that! I have been doing a bit of escapology, but that’s only to be expected from a dog of my caliber! You see, they’ve cut the hedge between the field and Green Lane – now I know that there are rabbits in there … and a deer! What’s a dog supposed to do?
On Monday I did get a treat and we went to Tylers Close field. We went to Hilly Fields and then up The Hollow but I wasn’t expecting to turn right and go along the path to Tylers Close field. You see, for months there has been water running down the path at quite a rate. It was just too wet to try and walk up it. He had reported it to the water company but they said they don’t have any infrastructure in that area. He pointed out that they have a reservoir there and they did at least decide to send someone out. The man that went out to look at it decided that it was just a spring that had popped up (in the driest summer for 40 years!) so they didn’t do anything about it. Apparently, Uncle John (That’s Sky’s Daddy – Sky is a lovely collie cross that Uncle John and Auntie Caroline adopted who has a few issues … she’s nearly blind, very deaf and broke her leg at 9 weeks old. She’s only about 5 months old now!) knows some chap who works for the water company. He thought it was quite funny that he had to tell them that they had a reservoir there and was telling the chap who works for the water company about it. The chap from the water company seemed a little perplexed that they had said they didn’t have any infrastructure in the area and decided to investigate. The very next day a digger turned up, dug a 20 foot hole and began the repairs on the ten inch pipe that had burst! It is all fixed now, so we could walk along the path to Tylers Close field. Although, when I say walk, I really mean that him and Daddy Richard walked whilst I ran as fast as I could! It was nice to go to Tylers Close field again because we haven’t been there for ages and ages! I did have a quick dip in the stream but I don’t think they noticed – they just thought the grass was wet and that was why my paws and feathers (that’s the proper name for the attractive hairy bit that hangs under my belly) were wet.
On Tuesday they both went out to do that ‘work’ thing. In the morning they both went to the same place to ‘work’ – it’s called a ‘golf club’. Now, I don’t like to cast aspersions but I’ve looked up ‘golf club’ on Fidopedia and it says that it is a place you go to play a game called ‘golf’. They both claim to be ‘working’ there and, if it wasn’t for the fact that I know that he wouldn’t know one end of a golf bat from the other, I would have trouble believing that but, frankly, I know he couldn’t swing a golf bat if his life depended on it, so I’m guessing it’s true. They came back at lunchtime and then he went off to another ‘client’ who is apparently a scrap dealer. I’m not at all sure about this, but I can’t prove he’s swinging the lead! (Do you see what I did there? I really am the cleverest dog in dogdom!) When he eventually came home I had to practically drag him up Green Lane, Church Lane and down Bay Pond Path! Mind you, there was quite a nice surprise when we got to Bay Pond Path … a swan had appeared. We haven’t seen a swan on Bay Pond Path for ages and ages!! I told him to take a picture of it. I’m glad I did because it was only there for one night and disappeared the next day! We did bump into Auntie Angela later in the week and she said that it actually belonged to Leigh Place but that it’s partner had been to the swan hospickle because it had a damaged leg so it had become lonely and popped over to Bay Pond to see what was there. The partner came out of the hospickle and so it went home again. Talking of hospickles, Grandma finally managed to spring herself from the hospickle again on Tuesday night. He phoned the hospickle and they said they had hoped to release her on Tuesday but that it was too late when he phoned so it would be Wednesday. Apparently it wasn’t too late because she actually got home late on Tuesday evening!
Wednesday was a bit of a funny day really. He got up at 4 o’clock in the morning which seemed very early to me. I did get up with him but when he disappeared out of the front door at just before 5 o’clock, I decided to go back to bed and wait for Daddy Richard to get up at a reasonable hour! It turned out that he had one of his meetings in a place called ‘Paris’ which is in France. I’m no expert but I know it’s even further than Reigate Hill! Apparently his train was at 05:58 and it was packed! He moaned (when he got home) that there was no way he could sleep on the train – I find that odd because I can sleep anywhere! Anyway, I got to spend more quality time with Daddy Richard (apart from when he went out for a few hours for one of his ‘breakfasts’ … sorry, meetings!) and he eventually came home in the early evening. Frankly, it wasn’t all that satisfactory because he only stuck around long enough for a short walk up Green Lane and down Bay Pond path before he went off again for one of his ‘meetings’. In my view he has far too many ‘meetings’! Fortunately, it didn’t last too long and he was home by about 9pm, so they ate their dinner (I had mine a bit earlier) and then we got to spend a little time together before we all went off to bed. I had been a little on the windy side after my dinner and he had the audacity to accuse me of “snoring at both ends”! Honestly, sometimes he really does go too far! I am Montgomery Oliver Nigel Tarquin York (Monty for short!), I do not “snore”. I have occasional bottom burps and I have been known to flutter my lips from time to time when I am in mid dream (usually about rabbits or squirrels) but I do not “snore”!
Thursdays are my day for my wimming session at Hyrdo Hounds. I get to spend some quality time with my personal therapists Emily, Katie and Steph who really know how to look after me! I get treats, I get tummy rubs and I get to play with a ball in my wimming sessions – I do have to give it back at the end though. You can imagine my surprise when they both went off to the ‘golf club’ again in the morning. What a flamin’ cheek! I lay back and pushed out a few ????s but I have to be honest, I was quite relieved when they finally appeared just in time for us all to get into the car thingy and go off to my wimming session on time. When we got back from wimming, he spent much of the afternoon in the kitchen doing that cooking thing he is so rubbish at. Honestly, I don’t know why he bothers … he’s obviously rubbish at it or he wouldn’t need so much practice! He made an Indian smoked mackerel salad … that was quite handy because I got to eat the mackerel skins and the bits he didn’t want to put in the salad. Then he started to chop up a chicken (well, two actually) which also turned out to be quite fortuitous because I got the bits that he wasn’t going to use. Apparently this was for a Spanish dish of chicken with chorizo and peppers. I got a couple of the off-cuts from the chorizo too, so that wasn’t so bad. In fact, thinking about it, I think I should encourage him to practice this cooking thing more often because I do rather well out of it! He also made a pudding which was actually French but I didn’t get any of that, so I wasn’t interested … I don’t think I’ll encourage him to cook desserts! It turned out that Auntie Fran and Uncle Iain were coming for dinner in the evening. Because he was busy with his cooking I got to go out with Daddy Richard for my early evening walk. That was rather nice, although Daddy Richard didn’t seem to appreciate my efforts when I lay down in the High Street to chew a stick! We hadn’t been home long before Auntie Fran and Uncle Iain arrived. I think they had a nice time, although both him and Daddy Richard said that they wouldn’t bother cooking the chicken and chorizo dish again, they weren’t over keen on it. I thought the bits I got were OK but that was before he started mucking about and ‘cooking’ it! I did note a significant number of empty glasses (and bottles!) in the dining room and, judging by how slow they were in the morning, I think they enjoyed the evening. On Friday morning Daddy Richard went off for one of his ‘breakfasts’ so I was left with him to go for my morning walk. The trouble was, he spent so long tidying up and washing up that, by the time we went out, time was getting on. I knew he had to go off to that ‘work’ thing again, but I was certainly not going to be rushed on my walk! We got back a little later than usual and he went straight off to ‘work’ leaving me to wait for Daddy Richard to get home from his breakfast. Daddy Richard got held up, but he got home only about an hour after he had gone.
Saturday was a busy day, it seemed. We went out relatively early for a walk and then it seemed there was much to do around the house and elsewhere. They went out ‘shopping’ more than once and I had to guard the house all on my own! They also did some ‘work’ which kept them quite busy. It appears that they were trying to get things out of the way so that they could have a quiet Sunday but that didn’t go quite as planned either – Sunday morning was spent doing yet more ‘work’ and he said that he was going to spend the afternoon watching a film. That never happened! The first thing to say about Sunday morning was that it rained. I mean properly rained!! They decided that, because it was raining so hard, only one would go with me. I drew the short straw and got him! We walked along Salisbury Road where I picked up a conker and carried it on to Oxted Road. That was when it occurred to me that I could have a bit of fun. As we walk up Oxted Road there is one spot which always has a huge puddle when it rains … you can imagine the size it was on Sunday! Well, I had an absolute brainwave – I lay down on the verge right by the puddle and started chewing the conker. It wasn’t that I enjoyed the taste but I knew that if I stayed there long enough a car would come past. Sure enough, it did! The splash was tremendous!!!!! We were both absolutely soaked but that didn’t bother me – one quick shake and I got rid of most of the water … funnily enough most of it ended up over him! When we got home I got towelled dry and then he had to get and get a shower and a complete change of clothes! What fun!!!
A few weeks ago the face of his watch fell off. Now, I may have mentioned this before but he isn’t very useful … about as useful as a watch with no face, if you get my gist! When it happened he went off and got it repaired at some corner shop phone repairer. Well, it wouldn’t have taken a genius to work out that it would last long with a dodgy repair … it didn’t! So, on Sunday, he tried to find somewhere that would repair it properly. He had found out on Saturday that if he took it to Apple for repair it was going to cost £280 plus VAT which was almost as much as new one. He was trying to find somewhere on the Internet that would do it cheaper but the cheapest proper repair he could find was £200. That didn’t seem like good value, so he eventually decided to buy a new one. Off they trotted once again … this time to John Lewis in Purley. When they got there the very helpful assistant explained all of the options and then, just as a decision had been made on which one to purchase, she explained that they hadn’t got any! Back in the car they dashed off to John Lewis in Blue Water where they knew stock was available. Watch purchased, they finally came home but it was way too late to watch a film because I would be wanting a walk. Instead, the watch was setup and then we went for a walk. Much better!
We went to Auntie Zena and Uncle Simon for dinner on Sunday evening. My bestest friend in the whole wide world, Jake, was there but I couldn’t play with him because he wasn’t very well. He had a really bad throat and was running a temperature so he stayed upstairs in his bed. I was just a little bit naughty with Auntie Zena but she asks for it sometimes!! I stole a ball from the utility room and took it into the house which I know I am not allowed to! Auntie Zena told me off and took it away. When Monday came along he was pretending to ‘work’ in his study whilst Daddy Richard was doing some ‘work’ in his. Although they managed to stick around for the majority of the day, they did go out in the afternoon to see another potential client. Apparently, they now have him too! This work thing is really beginning to take over life from Monday to Friday!!! I’m not sure I approve because it really doesn’t involve me at all and I get virtually no treats for it either. They never leave me for more than about 3 hours but that isn’t the point. It is getting in the way of my fun!!! He makes sure I can’t reach a single bit of paper or anything else when he’s working … where’s the fun in that?! When they go out to work I have to guard the house all on my own which is very tiring and often results in me pushing out a few ????s (but don’t tell them!) whilst they’re out.
Talking of being out, he’s gone off again. I have a few days of respite before he returns. Allegedly he has gone to somewhere called Athens. I know that’s in Greece because I have a couple of fans there, but I don’t know where Greece is. Then on Thursday he is going from Athens to Vienna – I looked up Vienna on Fidopedia and that’s in a place called Austria where some bloke called Sigmund Freud used to live. I got bored after that, so I don’t know anything else. Then from Vienna he says he is going to Marrakech – I looked that up and apparently it is in a place called Morroco which is in North Africa. The thing is, that North Africa is south of here … oh my brain hurts!!!! Apparently he is speaking at one of his ‘conferences’ in Marrakech and he has meetings in Athens and can only get from Athens to Marrakech via Vienna. Honestly, the stories he makes up! We would all be better off if he stayed at home and just did whatever it is that he does without going off on these jaunts! We had our walk this morning and it was cold and frosty (not that I mind that) and then, when we got home, he packed his bags and Daddy Richard took him to the airport. He even got that wrong because they went to Heathrow and Gatwick is only just down the road!!! Oh well, I suppose I’ll get a bit of piece and quiet for a few days. I’ll get to spend some quality time with Daddy Richard and, although I might secretly miss him, I know that as soon as he gets back we’ll be back to his moaning and groaning and me getting into twubble again!!! Anyway, enough of this, I have to take advantage of his absence so, for now, must paws … ????