home diary Laughing my paws off

Laughing my paws off

Playing with Jake
Playing a game of ‘wait’ with Jake in the evening.

Oh, what a couple of days I’ve had! Where shall I begin? Oh yes, Jake, Zena and Simon. Well they did come on Sunday evening as they had said they would. They came for a ‘barbecue’.  I think, by now, my loyal followers will have worked out that Alex is sometimes a few peas short of a casserole, if you get my drift – but I am actually beginning to think he is barking mad! He has a perfectly good hob and oven in the kitchen on which to cook his human food, but no … what does he do? He only carries all the food outside and puts it on this barbecue thing! What on earth is the point in that? To be honest, I really do think he’s lost it a bit. I have looked up ‘barbecue’ on Fidopedia and it says ‘barbecuing is usually done outdoors by smoking the meat over wood or charcoal’ – well I’ve got news for him … his barbecue is gas, so that’s rubbish. He doesn’t like smoked food, so that’s out … and there was nothing in it for me, so I don’t know why he went through the whole process!

Zena getting a Monty Fix
Zena had to wait for a ‘Monty Fix’ until I had finished playing with Jake!

After they had finished their barbecue – which seemed to involve chops, sausages and burgers, all foods that I would happily eat, so I’ve no idea why I didn’t get any. They went into the lounge to look at some photos that Jake took in Japan. I have Doogled Japan and it is a very long way away – apparently it is 5,954 miles away which is even further than I walked when Richard took me to Bletchingley by mistake! According to Doogle, Japan is an island nation in the Pacific Ocean with dense cities, imperial palaces, mountainous national parks and thousands of shrines and temples. Well, judging from Jake’s photos, that is true. He took some stunning photos that Alex thinks he could sell. (I might try and get him to give me one to put on here to show what they’re like.) Anyway, it was really good and I got to spend the entire evening with all three of them. Actually, that isn’t entirely true … you see, when Jake comes I like playing with him and I sort of forget about Zena a little bit – I think she gets a bit jealous which is entirely understandable, of course.

Monty having a dip in his pool
Having a quick dip in my private pool to cool down. (That thing in the background is a barbecue … madness!)

Monday should really have been a bit of a quiet day because it was a bank holiday. Isn’t it nice that they give banks a holiday. I gather from Alex that banks are full of bankers (I think that’s what he calls them, he sometimes mumbles and I miss the beginning of the words he uses) that lost everyone’s money a few years ago. I expect they have been having to work very hard to find it again, so they probably deserve a holiday. It appears that when the banks have a holiday lots of other people do too, so it is usually quite quiet. After a nice walk in the morning it was a bit warm and humid. When we got back I popped into my private pool for a quick dip to cool down. After a little rest, we went round to Bren and Cathy’s in the afternoon. It transpired that they were having a party for Bren’s birthday. Apparently it was a ‘big’ birthday whatever that means but I didn’t want to pry.

Monty with Zena
I only went and found Zena in Bren’s garden just before his party started!

Well, would you believe it, they had only invited 23 friends around to help celebrate! That was 21 (you can’t count Alex or Richard really) people to make a fuss of me! On my woof, what an afternoon we had! It started very civilised with a cup of tea and some lemon drizzle cake which Cathy had made (she’s quite well known for her lemon drizzle cake!). Cathy was being helped by their friend, Angelika, (who originally comes from Germany which is another place a very long way away!), who is lovely. Angelika was very nice with me – she has a dog called Raisin so she kind of understands me. Actually, I have looked up the name Angelika on Fidopedia and it is derived from the Latin meaning ‘angelic’ which is ultimately derived from the Greek meaning ‘messenger’ – I think that Angelika definitely meets that description as she worked very hard indeed!

Curries cooked for the party
The fruits of his cooking for several hours on Sunday. What is wrong with a nice marrow bone?

It wasn’t long before tea was replaced by wine which seemed to go down very well indeed judging by the quantity that was drunk! As the afternoon moved towards evening a huge mountain of food (for humans) arrived. There was salmon, prawn cocktail (special and made by Zena), there were salads made by Fran and Iain and by Sally and Kevin, there was cheese from Sue and Malcolm, there was coronation chicken made by Cathy, there was loads! Once that had been well and truly dived into the curries were brought out. Alex made the curries on Sunday which, if you’ll excuse the expression, explains why the kitchen smelt like the inside of an Indian cricketers jockstrap! He had made five curries and an Indian salad – he blames the smell on the ‘lamb’ (Kheema Sali Matar) but I think it was him just making excuses – he never admits to his own bottom burps anymore and always blames them on me!

Curries were replaced by desserts and then cheese. Everyone ate very well indeed and it was a thoroughly good afternoon and evening. I had a particularly wonderful time being admired by everyone there – I was by far the best looking, of course! I didn’t even notice until about half past eight that I hadn’t had my own dinner. When I realised I almost bit Alex’s finger off when he gave me a treat which reminded him of his duties. He quickly nipped us home so that I could have dinner (Canagan Light – far better than all that curry stuff!) and, once I had finished, we went straight back for some more fun. We didn’t leave until about 11:30 in the evening, by which time I was a bit bushed and ready to push out a few ?s! When we got home I flopped down on the floor and went straight to sleep! You may, at this point, be wondering where all the photos are of the party – he did it again! Alex forgot to take any! There was me, looking at my finest and even smelling pretty good, loads of people making a fuss of me and he goes and forgets to take any photos! I really think he is depriving some village of their idiot.

Monty having a poo
How embarrassing! There is some justice in this world though!

So, to all those that were there, I am sorry. Jake, Zena, Simon, Sue, Malcolm, Big Richard, Fran, Iain, Angela (more about lovely Angela in a while), Caroline, John, Sylvia, Sally, Kevin, Angelika, the Essex Crowd – Sue, Gary, Carlyn, Alan and of course Bren, Cathy, Richard and Alex all had a great evening but there are no photos to share. What a ….! Having had a lovely night’s sleep, I got up this morning, had a good stretch and was ready for a walk. I took Alex on our Bay Pond walk and, as we approached Angela’s doorstep I felt the usual call of nature. It is an unfortunate fact that Alex forgot to take any photos of the party but managed to ‘remember’ to take a photo of me in a rather compromising position this morning – can a dog have no privacy?!

Now, this is embarrassing enough (Angela’s doorstep is about 3 feet to the left) but I feel there is some justice in this world. You see, I managed to deliver a full two bagger this morning. I wasn’t quite able to get to Angela’s doorstep, but this is under her bay window, so that’s OK. Alex went to clear it up as usual, but then there was some kind of Devine intervention – the first bag split! Oh my woof was it funny! I was laughing my paws off! There he was, at the beginning of our walk, with my poo all over his hand, a split bag, and another bagful to pick up yet! As it is a warm day, he had taken the minimum out with him – a few poo bags, some treats, a couple of tissues and that was it. He suddenly became an expert in doing absolutely everything with just his left hand. Being a nice warm day, there was no water around either – no wet leaves that he could use, nothing. He had to walk all the way up Bay Pond path – including my usual few minute stop at the seat – and into Church Lane before he could find a puddle where he was able to wash his hands to a large degree. I was laughing so much I thought my paws would fall off! When he offered me a treat I turned it down – his hand still had an aroma of my poo. As usual, all he did was walk along muttering “That dog could sit for England” – which is odd because I hadn’t sat down once on the entire walk!

Blimey! Talking of walks, it is time I went out for one. I think I might try taking Alex back up to Limpsfield Chart … it looked pretty good on our brief visit on Saturday before he got soaked in the rain. I’ll bet he makes sure he has some stronger bags and some hand sanitiser with him this time! My personal trainer, Amanda from Happy Buddies, is due in a couple of hours, so I shall have to get myself ready. Tonight might be her last visit for a few weeks, so I want to make the most of it. I have enjoyed learning new things with Amanda and she is such a good teacher! Anyway, for now, must paws … ?

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Fran and Iain
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Fran and Iain

Oh wow Monty you have been busy with all your friends and all your social events, BBQ, birthday party and you have another one to go to tonight as well. All in a weekend. Wow what fun for you all. Have a lovely time. I am sure Jake will give you lots of games to play while the others enjoy Bren’s birthday dinner.
Strokes and pats
Fran